Leicaphilic Murphy's Laws of Photography.

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Murphy's Laws of photography

1. You are not Ansel Adams or Henri Cartier-Bresson.

2. Neither are you Herb Ritz Camera Store.

3. Automatic Cameras---Aren't Worth "--it".

4. Auto Focus---won't (come correct)

5. If you can't remember, you left the film at home (or dropped the baseplate of your M6 on the snow while shooting blanks).

6. No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting (unless you're Selgado).

7. When in doubt, motor out (using the R4 Motorwinder).

8. If a photo shoot goes too smoothly, then the lab will lose the film.

9. If it's stupid (like the horrible R7 camera) but it works, it isn't stupid (like the kickbutt R8 camera).

10. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Client is watching (those collector make off with Leitz gold-plated titanium M cameras being ripped off to make stock equity go smoother).

11. The most critical roll of film is fogged (by Gerald Widen's genius).

12. If you forgot, then you did not rewind the film (or didn't damn sprocket correctly the bottom loading Leica IIIf with a bad roll of Tri-X).

13. Photo Assistants are essential, they give photographers someone to yell at (or to model in the nude in lieu of the significant other while having a love affair with a secretary from Leica USA in Northvale NJ).

14. The one item (batteries, film, and ect.) you need is always in short supply (except when you're fondling that R6.2 with a dead battery or my Leicaflex with a shot meter).

15. Interchangeable parts aren't (available at Tamarkin's when suckers are buying Canon Senenar lenses).

16. Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls (applicable to Nikon/Canon users pffffffffff).

17. Weather never cooperates with Leica's competitor--Contax.

18. Everything always works in your home, everything always fails on location except that Leica 0-series camera you accidentally stuck in your Domke bag.

19. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (of your Nikon shots relative to that Leitz look-ons).

20. The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitizer (like Herbie Ritz).

21. Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be (f-stopped/snafu-ed) cross-processed in E6 chemicals.

22. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work (except hyperfocal shooting with your M6).

23. Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do (unless you want to get fired in today's lousy economy).

24. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't (covered by Passport Warranty--damn gray market stuff again).

25. No photojournalist is well dressed (except in a 1950's leather jacket from Banana Republic).

26. No well dressed photographer is a photojournalist (unless you're Sante D'Orazio).

27. Professional photographers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs (like that Shutterbabe named Deborah Kogan).

28. The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions: - -when anmals are ready. - -when you're not (fiddling with your MOOLY while singing the MOOLY BLUES).

29. Same rule just substitute (naked) children (just like Jock-Strapped Sturges).

30. Client Intelligence is a contradiction (after John Ashcroft is fourth encounters/encounters-intelligence of the wrong kind).

31. There is no such thing as a perfect shoot (after saying "shoot" when messing up your loading schtick on the M6 again).

32. The important things are always simple (damn didn't Leica use this phrase over and over in that Leica Photographie advertisement I need to be reminded of???).

33. The simple things are always hard (because M6 film loading takes you 20 minutes while the model runs away into the distance like Bridget Jones).

34. Flashes will fail as soon as you need them (and that's good because the M6 flash-sync at very slow speeds as to be worthless).

35. A clean (and dry) camera is a magnet for dust, mud and moister (but it's good proof that your Leica can out-last the lousy Canon EOS crap).

36. Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it (unless you're Shutterbabe wanting to chase guys while dangling Leicas like a pearl necklace).

37. The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

38. All or any of the above combined (as appliable to Leica photographers).

All information contained within this particular post does not necessarily reflect the views of the idiot whoever had the time to post this Leica-ized version of Murphy's laws of photography.

Leica-fully yours, Alfie Leica Camera AG Marketing Rep.... psych... hehehehe



-- Albert Wang (albert.wang@ibx.com), November 08, 2001

Answers

Alfie, you have too much time on your hands. Have you ever considered getting a job?

-- Dave Jenkins (djphoto@vol.com), November 08, 2001.

No kidding ...

-- Dave Yoon (dhyoon@pantheon.yale.edu), November 08, 2001.

Actually I do have a job and lots of down time here... it's mostly programming computers and SAS which is fairly straightforward :) so it gives me time to think about Leica stuff.

It's like Albert Einstein when he worked in the patent office in Zurich. Nice decent-paying low-key job which afforded him enough time to think about the theory of relativity...

Of course, strangely enough having a real job is a lot less stressful than the time I was in the master's program back at Yale earlier this spring :)

Alfie

-- Albert Wang (albert.wang@ibx.com), November 08, 2001.


Thanks for the clarification. You are, of course, free to spend your time as you wish--free from snide remarks from people like me... But, theory of relativity = Leicaphilia? -- you decide.

-- Dave Yoon (dhyoon@pantheon.yale.edu), November 08, 2001.

But, theory of relativity = Leicaphilia? -- you decide.

It's all relative, I guess.

-- Godfrey (ramarren@bayarea.net), November 08, 2001.



Good grief...

-- Dave Yoon (dhyoon@pantheon.yale.edu), November 08, 2001.

Albert, yes, I know who Einstein was, and what he accomplished, but what you have written is unnecessary. We all have our likes and dislikes, yes, even as far as Leica is concerned, but all your 38 stories don't bring us anything new here.

-- Michael Kastner (kastner@zedat.fu-berlin.de), November 08, 2001.

All I just wrote didn't have to be in bold letters. Maybe it is just a carry-over from the previous answer. All I wrote could have been this small (but not for Albert):

Maybe Tony will have a look at it.

Tony, here's to you! Mike

-- Michael Kastner (kastner@zedat.fu-berlin.de), November 08, 2001.


Sheesh. Go take some photos. Spending a little less time thinking about your camera and a little more time using it. Sorry, hate to sound gruff, but all of this sounds like nonsense to me.

-- Richard Le (rvle@yahoo.com), November 08, 2001.

Agreed. And If it sounds like nonsense and reads like nonsense, then it probably is .... NONSENSE!

-- Ray Moth (ray_moth@yahoo.com), November 08, 2001.


Let here be un-bold.

Ca y'est, non?

-- Tee Ess (tsesung@yahoo.com), November 08, 2001.


Thanks, Alfie, it's great! “It’s all approximative, relative, false and turning in this world”. (Anton P. Chekov)

Victor

-- Victor Randid (ved@enran.com.ua), November 09, 2001.


Cool beans, at least some Leicaphiles here have some sense of humor rather than being dour all the time.

Alfie :)

-- Albert Wang (albert.wang@ibx.com), November 09, 2001.


Bob Marley sez "Stir it up" ;)

-- Brooks (Bvonarx@home.com), November 09, 2001.

I have a sense of humor. Unfortunately, I didn't find much of the "38 Laws of Photography" funny. I stick to my original point. Go use your camera. That what Leicas are for.

-- Richard Le (rvle@yahoo.com), November 09, 2001.


Richard, my condiments. You have taken the words out of my mouth. Thanks. Mike

-- Michael Kastner (kastner@zedat.fu-berlin.de), November 09, 2001.

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