Got bored with You're on Sky Sports, so gave up and decided to follow Mr Maier's example by posting translations of Lolo's Bulletin Board via AltaVista, complete with blocked favourite bit.

Trouble is that the posts soon revert to English - so rather than translate them into French to no purpose whatsoever I've converted them to "Redneck" courtesy of The Dialectizer.

Kamy:
Laurent did not finish the match, it was replaced has the 85° by Bernard, other French. Newcastle is 3rd, behind Leeds and Aston Villa. Not badly!!

Marie:
The goals were marked apr Bellamy(2) and Sherear

Toonlass:
I am allee with the match. Milk had a dreadful play: it was sick and it would not have to play has my opinion. There are no plays for two weeks (because of the international matches). The majority of the team will go to Spain or one A organizes a friendly play but I think that our trainer will allow has Lolo to turn over to France to rest.

Toon Heart:
Mr Lolo has been great, an' he showed a great attitude t'play whilst slightly ill, ah reckon. Toon lass, he sh'd haf played on account o' he wanted t'play, an' th' fack is: when a player wif a god given talent of Lolo be hankerin' t'play yo' bloody fine let him play, on account o' yo' allus knows he will give his all, ah reckon. This hyar is a strong man who clearly knows his own destinenny - he'll allus be prepared, cuss it all t' tarnation........ Th' fack is he will be a lejund, he kin see th' road, an' th' bess bit is, HE'LL DO IT FOR THE TOON, BELIEVE ME. So dont yo' wo'ry yer li'l haid about wo' lolo pet...... (Note: this hyar post was writ when th' autho' was eatin' some of th' finess crostants.)

Toonlass:
Excuse me, ah reckon he's th' absolute Houn'dog's Danglies, but ah also thunk he was tired on Saturday an', unner th' circs, mebbe Olivier Bernard c'd haf played: even great players occashunally need rests, yo' know. Alan Shearer's sufferin' last season sh'd haf taught us all thet. ah reckon Lolo's attitude has been spot on on account o' he joined an' havin' sayin' he had one quiet game ain't an aspershun of enny so't. Fair play t'him: he played while ill twice this hyar season (aginst Man Utd an' Villa): tremenjus attitude. Bein' ill ain't a sin o' a criticism, dawgone it. ah reckon Lolo knows how much we love him, ennyway....

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2001

Answers

Antidisestablishmentarianism, Piers?

-- Anonymous, November 05, 2001

Still posting anti SAFC stuff on RTG and swearing down it wasnt you lot? Get a real look in the archives, see the 100 or so messages orchestrating abuse on RTG, a lot of which are by your leader Mc'UglyFucker'Beth Or go to FTMZ and see them

Whats it like to live in the shadow of Sunderland ?

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001

sounds like Hughsie's gonna be crushed if ye ask me..... never knew Dougal was a player (Yankee expression for a two- timer)!!!!

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001

obviously another Mackem who just doesn't know what he's doing....being dumb is that pretty common amongst mackem types?

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001

will whoever turned that stone over please put it back NOW

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001

Whats it like to live in the shadow of Sunderland ?

Be fair folks - has to be the best laugh this week

My guess is it must be similar to living in the shadows of the Premiership. But you'll know that better than us I imagine. Don't take umbrage.

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001

So Lolo is known as Milk in France? What a strange lot those frogs are.

-- Anonymous, November 06, 2001