Grounds for annulment

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My wife and I have been married for almost 14 years now and we still don't have any children. Like many responsible couples, we initially planned to wait a few years (2 or 3) to start a family. I was ready to start a family after the first 3 years but my wife has been against having children. Everytime this topic comes up, the arguments are intense and they keep getting worse all the time. The bottom line is that the right time to start a family has never existed for my wife and I have the strong feeling it never will. Artificial birth control has been a way of life for us and I do realize that I'm just as guilty when it comes to this. Over the past 5 years or so, I've sometimes considered leaving my wife, and the issue of anullment has always been in my mind. Prior to marrying my wife, I was never baptized and practiced no religion. I became a Roman Catholic when I got married and have been a pretty strong believer ever since. I feel that having children is a very essential part of every marriage and you can probably imagine, I constantly feel that something is missing. No matter how much I explain this to my wife, I can't make her realize that having a family is part of our commitment to the Sacrament of Mariage. Anyway, if I ever decide to stop waiting in vain, I'd like to know if I have valid grounds for anullment. After reading some of the other notes in the forum, I'm very clear on how to start the process but I'd just like your honest opinion as to whether I have grounds or not. Your comments please. Thanks and God bless you.

-- Scott Harris (sharris@ec.ibm.com), November 05, 2001

Answers

Response to Grounds for anullment

Jmj

Hello, Scott.

I'm very sorry to read of your painful experiences.
You wrote: "Like many responsible couples, we initially planned to wait a few years (2 or 3) to start a family."
Actually, there are many wise people in the Church who believe that it is most responsible (and contributory to the maturation of the couple) to begin having children as soon after being married as serious factors permit (e.g., health, finances) -- even on the honeymoon, if it be God's will.
Let's assume that, in your case, Scott, it was valid to wait a while. The real question to be answered is what, in all honesty, was your wife's attitude, ON THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING, toward having children. You agreed to wait, but was she actually thinking that she would not ever be open to children? If the answer is "yes," then (according to what I have repeatedly read) you are not in a valid marriage, and a tribunal would grant you a Declaration of Nullity.

The Code of Canon Law puts it this way:
"----- Canon 1055
"§1 The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life, and which of its own very nature is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of children, has, between the baptised, been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.
"----- Canon 1096
"§1 For matrimonial consent to exist, it is necessary that the contracting parties be at least not ignorant of the fact that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman, ordered to the procreation of children through some form of sexual cooperation."

But what if your wife, on your wedding day, truly was open to having children some day? If there were no other impediments to the two of you giving true and free consent, etc., then it would seem likely that you are validly married. In this case, she must have changed her mind about childbearing, perhaps for a just, perhaps for an unjust, reason -- and this would be a case for you to take to pastoral counselling. If she has no just reason for her stance and is unwilling to be counselled, then you have a great cross to bear, and you will have to turn to prayer for her conversion. (We are already praying for you. Please contact a group of contemplative monks or nuns to join in these prayers.)

Please be consoled, Scott, by the knowledge that God is very pleased by your willingness to be faithful to him and open to new life. If you stay faithful, he will bless you greatly in this life or at least in the next.

St. James, pray for us.
God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), November 05, 2001.


Response to Grounds for anullment

Scott,

My mother was married in the Catholic Church to a man who changed his mind about children. She became pregnant and her husband did not want her to have the child. She did give birth (to my older brother) and he left her. My mother received anullment from the Catholic Church (in France where she lived). She later re-married in the Catholic Church to my father. I am their child. They have been married for 32 years now and going.

Not exactly like your situation, but I hope this helps.

Prayers, Patrick

-- Patrick Jones (ib23u@aol.com), December 18, 2001.


Response to Grounds for anullment

Hello, Patrick.

In the example you cite, you seem to be asserting a belief that the Church's Law allows for the granting of Declarations of Nullity in cases in which a spouse changes his mind about having children (i.e., decides against them) sometime after the day of the wedding.

This would be a false belief. The Law does not allow this. Therefore, in the example you cite, one of two things must be true concerning the Declaration of Nullity that was granted:
(1) The tribunal made its decision because of facts in evidence that were totally unrelated to the subject of children, or ...
(2) The tribunal was composed of poorly trained judges who did not understand the Law on the absolute necessity to come to conclusions based only on what was true about freedom/consent/impediments on the wedding day (disregarding one spouse's later "change of mind").
[I strongly suspect that it was #1 that came into play here.]

God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), December 18, 2001.


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