I have been playing the very lowest level of football possible - pub team football. In Barcelona we have the BINFL - Barcelona International Football league. A league of about 15 teams made almost totally of English Irish and Scotsmen plus a few very talented Spaniards and a team of Koreans from The TaiKwandoh club (dangerous opponents) Its a laugh BUT most of them take it very seriously. Its incredible how important this is to just about most of them. We trained last night and all the stereotypes were there. This morning i had a sore leg courtesy of Adam, a Shola look and playalike who might give Audley Harrison a kicking... Knowing most have played sunday footy i thought you might have some stories and other stuff. Most of these will probably relate to someone smacking the ref or a star striker being sent off for over celebrating... But what intrigiues me most are the stereotypes, our team has them and ethey are every where. I've put some data into WindowsStereotype and got this... 1.The Captain The captain will be the worst player, he will always be a defender. Standing around in defence he'll point his finger at everyone else for not trying. This character will know everyone and make it his job to ignore at least 1 person making their Sunday mornings a waste of time. He will own a shop or pub. 1.The Manager This person will almost certainly be 10 packets of Benson and Hedges from death and sport thread veins on his face thick enough to resemble ntl cables. He'll wear the same tracksuit under the same Mark Anthony Parkah he's had since the miners strike. His bus company won't sponsor the team because he's too tight. Knowing nothing about tactics apart from Cloughies hard man approach this person will be a nasty bastard to every one apart from the star who'll he'll try and fix with his ugly daughter, Marina who works in the fish and chip shop. 1.The Star This guy will come to the match ten minutes late from the golf course to back pats and how are ya doings. His Astra SRi is always shiny and his hair shinier. He'll ignore most people apart from a select few and will never talk to subs. He has a pair of imported Italian boots and will wear different shinier shorts to the rest of the team and will wear cycling shorts until a sub wears them. This player will never ever pass (has he spanish blood?) and will always shoot when 60 yards from goal. He's a 100m champion. 1.The Joker The antithesis of the star, the joker is normally the youngest brother of the captain and is probably called Tegsy and is near to shaving. He'll poo in the showers, put bleach in Shampoo and let the coach tires down. He will have a collection of coin rings and probably a white Armani polo shirt. He'll mick everyone apart from, the ex con. 1.The Ex Con The ex con is the guy you don't mess with, he's hard as f%$k and always gets sent off. The ex con has tatoos and an attitude. He will swap with the keeper for a breather while he sucks on a marlboro and will smack anyone who complains when the other team scores. This player will play in midfield with no talent apart from kicking the other teams star player. He will rule the roost, apart from, the showers... 1.The Lover The lover never turns up on time, and always with a different girl or more often girls. The team all secretly hate him. His 10 incher owns the showers and dwarfs the wee winky of the captain (THATS why his wife left him...) The lover is always moody and owns the mirror in the changing hut. He's probably called Mark and has an Italian parent. His failing is he's as thick as sh$t and doesn't realise that his stream of babes are pefect for that lowest common denominator...the substitute... 1.The Substitutes These people turn up each week and are treated like rubbish. Never actually getting a game, their best chance of being involved is being linesman. This is obviously a thankless task and virtually ends your chance of getting a game. But opens up a whole new world of victimisation. One wrong decision against you team and you are given the cold shoulder for ever. The ones left are consoled with kicking a ball up and down the line until the game is finished. A sub is invisible to everyone, apart from the lovers girlfriend...

-- Anonymous, October 31, 2001