Jihad!

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The enquiries and concerns expressed elsewhere on this forum have been passed on to Jonno and I've been asked to apologise for his absence and for the fact that he may not be able to return. Reports of his demise may have been exaggerated, but not by much he indicates. His condition is serious (he describes it as "weapons grade") and possibly terminal which he reckons will be very good news for the Toon as they will probably win everything in sight if he is not there to witness it. He sends his love to you all.

Jonno is anxious to alleviate any concern this news may bring. He would much rather give you something to smile about, and retains his sense of humour, hence the following.

Has-bin Jonno calls upon all Geordies to wage a Geordie Jihad against the Mackems. So far, 2 dustbin laden lorries have been hijacked and aimed at the SOL but have only had the effect of improving the appearance of Ground Nil as it has now become known since the attack. (Locals were shocked as no attack had ever been seen there before). Anthrax spores have been posted to various Sunderland addresses, but they were rendered ineffective in the hostile atmosphere before reaching their intended targets. Has-bin Jonno has now developed ways of poisoning the banana supply and this seems to have had some success judging by the way the crowd went ape-sh1t at the Arsenal match. It is also thought that this has caused the paralysis in the Sunderland manager's right arm, rendering him completely unable to write cheques. In a chilling interview, Has-bin Jonno has issued a fatwah against Mark Lawrenson and warns that the infidels of Mackemland will never enjoy peace and security while the sacred lands of the Geordie nation (home of the holiest Geordie sites such as SJP where The Messiah walked, and The Strawberry) are continually bombed with free tickets to the SOL. It is feared that Has-bin Jonno has already developed terrifying weapons of mass destruction and is set to release clones of Kenny Dalglish in Sunderland and Manchester if his demands are not met in full.

Trust in The Good Shepherd and the peace of St Joe Harvey be upon you all.

-- Anonymous, October 28, 2001

Answers

Is this for real ?

-- Anonymous, October 29, 2001

Dear Seghillian, can you please pass on this message to Has-bin Betta.

His call to arms against the Mackem tribe has been noted and we will do everything in our power to help him in his just cause. In case communications are a bit difficult up in the mountains (despite The Seghill Heaps being devastated by The Maggi and her evil followers), he may not be aware that peripheral damage has already been caused to the enemy, with the Gulf widening between our camps and initial signs of desertion by their infidels. We hear they are revolting, although I suspect this will only confirm what he knows already.

It is also understood that HBB has been working under cover in recent months, only deeming to break wind cover in the relative safety of SJP where the cammouflage of confusion afforded by lost souls running around in B&W shirts is at its greatest. Plentiful supplies are available in The Straabeery on match days and indeed, there's a great chance of recruiting more lunatics to the cause. However, if the need for further intelligence is required, this could prove very difficult due to the afforementioned plentiful supplies taking their toll on the brain cells.

PS. Can you please tell HBB to be careful. Although releasing clones of Kenny Dalglish may be a useful way to bring misery to Sunderland and Manchester, it is a dangerous game to play as it may also bring that other tribe the Scouse Bin-Dippers into the fray.

-- Anonymous, October 29, 2001


PPS. Is this uprising just a coded message for a Fans-Jihad??

-- Anonymous, October 29, 2001

I can confirm that I have the pox.....

-- Anonymous, October 29, 2001

Shouldn't that be Wheelie Bin Gregoire?

-- Anonymous, October 29, 2001


as secretary general of the United Newcastle organization, I can decree that this "jihad" is not representative of the one true Geordie Nation. While the UN would recognise and yes even understand the feelings of Has-bin Jonno, it denounces this action as seperatist, and moreover simply not nice at all. While this is something we would expect from our Mackem "cousins" we must always fly the flag of honour and peace.

Peace to all!

-- Anonymous, October 29, 2001


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