Friday, October 26, 2001

Quote of The Day

"Hillary! is just as phony as Gere. Her reputation for looking down with regal scorn on those “little people” around her is legendary. Her cowardice at facing hostile questions or difficult interviews is also well known. She lives as puffy and fluffy a life as Gere, and Hillary!’s condescending attitude towards people much better is something that police and firefighters can do without. "

--Bruce Walker, Sianews

Loosey Goosey, Floppy Sloppy: As each day passes and more people show up positive for anthrax and Lord knows what other rotting condition, we begin to realize the long, greasy trail of garbage we are have been left to clean up. The passage of the "terrorist bill" yesterday is a step in the right direction. As poster Lady of the Lake so correctly comments on this excellent editorial in the Durham Herald-Sun, "We, the quiet majority are used to not having a lot of freedoms, so go ahead and protect us." And, we might mean-spiritedly suggest - let the civil liberties folk suit up and head for Kabul.

Stars and Bars Start the Chart: Who knew we would live long enough to see this item? The CD of God Bless America is No. 1 on the Billboard best seller list. Seems there was a merchandising niche just lying there waiting to spring to life. Too bad it took such pain for it to be discovered.

Anthrax Envy? Knowing the man will eat anything, someone sent a package of something rotten to Clinton's Harlem office. A staffer must have figured getting the word out would elbow the boss into this week's hot story and called CNN. Salmonella was discovered and health authorities pronounced that, like the intended recipient, "It can cause nausea and vomiting, but is rarely fatal."

While You Were Sleeping: We point out this item only because its fun and soooo Internet. Seems a Chinese news service reported last night that someone has shot Osama. Don't bother with the link, unless you read Chinese and the translation posted in a great jumble. If that isn't true Asiaweek is reporting that he has liver disease. Whatever. If any of this turns out to be true you can tell the water-cooler gang, "Oh, I knew that. I read it on Lucianne.com."

The Myth Myth: A somewhat muddled piece in The New York Times this morning takes unnamed sources to task for reporting about "thousands of orphans" produced by the 9-11 attacks. We are wondering where they got that word. We pay pretty close attention to the media and never read or heard the word "orphan." Children without two parents, children without daddies, children who lost a parent, yes. But orphans? - let alone 10 to 15,000? The most consistent and oft repeated number was 1500 children who lost a parent, mostly fathers at Cantor Fitzgerald. Perhaps the confusion comes from this kind of thinking. Asked about the use of the word "orphan," A spokesman for the Twin Towers Orphan Fund said some dictionary definitions of "orphan" include any person who has lost one parent. Two things we'd like to know. Which dictionaries would those be and exactly who does the Twin Towers Orphan Fund send the money to?

Check in over this first really wintery weekend for our rousing Roundtable. Subject hint: They rhyme. (Igor likes this kind of vague teasing. It satisfies his under developed sense of humor)

Your Perpetually Upbeat but Occasionally Angry LComStaff.

-- Anonymous, October 26, 2001

Answers

"It can cause nausea and vomiting, but is rarely fatal."

Much unlike the Clintons.

-- Anonymous, October 26, 2001

Lucianne must not be familiar with the recurring condition known as Arkanside.

-- Anonymous, October 26, 2001