You have just been appointed manager of Newcastle United what will you do to change the clubs fortunes?

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Answers

Resign

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Pack in me paper round

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

1. Primarily, I'd seek to establish a settled team and formation including deciding unequivocally on my best 11.
2. I'd seek to identify clear replacements for all 11 first choice players, and ensure in training that they clearly understand their roles.
3. I'd look to selectively use these replacements, at a frequency of around 1 game in 5 or 6, to spread the work-load and minimise fatigue.
4. I'd be working with great urgency to bring in one, if possible two, central m/f players. These would be the best players I could get within my budget, but if necessary would be young, energetic players with potential to groom alongside Rob Lee.
5. I'd give Rob Lee a one-year contract extension, today.
6. I'd put Christian Bassedas, Karelse, and Marcelino on the transfer list, today.
7. I'd have my scouts looking for a tall young goalkeeper with potential to be brought in to ultimately replace Shay Given, who does not command his box and contributes to our defensive frailties.
8. I'd look very critically at the Reserve squad, and look to offload several players who have reached the age of 22/23 and who will never make it in the PL. This would also involve looking to buy a couple of younger players with potential to fill any obvious gaps in the talent emerging from the u-19's over the next season or two.
9. I'd look to bring in a top-class Coach, and for this job would attempt to hire - no not Mick Wadsworth (!) - but Alain Perrin of Troyes. This would be with a view to him, not Alan Shearer, becoming my ultimate successor.

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Clarky-could you sort the pie quality out if you get a minute.

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

1. Sell some of our best players, by playing negative and defence orientated football - remember, a good pass is a sideways pass.
2. Grow dreadlocks and/or speak with a funny accent.
3. Inflate my ego 400%
4. Piss of the squad and the fans by making knee-jerk crucial decisions without consulting anyone but the mirror on the wall
5. Change the team captain through tactful and diplomatic communication i.e. "You, you're not the captain any more"
6. Buy some foreign stuff for a few million. Who cares if they can play?
7. Blame everyone but myself for things going arse-up
8. Prepare to make substantial damages for unfair dismissal...2 weeks into the job
9. Shag some pizza waitress
10. Write a book and make occasional ill-informed opinions as a pundit

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

.....I'll get right on to it, TG! ;o{)

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

I like that idea. It may work. Is Rikjaard available?

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Transfer list Marcelino,Solano,Karelse,Bassedas and any other youngster who ain't goin to cut it (as previous posting). Then start giving better chances to those youngsters who can.

Put a bid in for Robbie Fowler and set all scouts on the task of finding possible midfielders, 1 creative and 1 defensive.

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Don't bother transfer listing them, it'd take too long to sell them....terminate their contracts without paying them up! give them a months notice....

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

As Alan Shearer says, all you need to be a good manager is to win games. So, I'd start by whupping Everton's asses next weekend and go on to win every game from now until I was called to the Nou Camp. Oh,a nd I'd stock up on some valium.

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

1. encourage positivity..... 2. encourage positivity..... 3. encourage positivity..... 4. NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE THE SHAPE OF THE TEAM, when playing a team that is more worried about you than you are of it... 5. Always in public (unlike the dred-locked-one who knocked millions of pounds off the value of our players) praise my squad to the best you respectfully can....... 6. Tell and reasure the fans always that we are UNITED.....

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

1. encourage positivity.....

2. encourage positivity.....

3. encourage positivity.....

4. NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE THE SHAPE OF THE TEAM, when playing a team that is more worried about you than you are of it...

5. Always in public (unlike the dred-locked-one who knocked millions of pounds off the value of our players) praise my squad to the best you respectfully can.......

6. Tell and reasure the fans -always- that we are UNITED.....

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

no money - put O'Brien into central midfield to hold and pull Bellamy back one then choose between amoebi and lua lua. Thanks and bye Bobby.

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Listen very carefully, I will say this only twice:-))

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Are you talking to me......

Are you talking to me......

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001

Are you talking to me......

Are you talking to me......

:-))

-- Anonymous, October 22, 2001