MY wife is realy abusive of me and my children : LUSENET : Domestic Violence Accounts : One Thread

I can not handle this any more. My wife has been very abusive to me. She threattens me to call the police and use all the legalities on her favor and keep our children. she has called the police already several times but I am afraid and always leave the house before the police arrives. Once I waited for the police and they told me to get out of the house and come back later. she has kicked me out of the house several times already and made me sleep in the car. She yields at me and the children whenever she gets mad, which is almost once or twice a week. Last may I got my bachelors science in business administration but it has been hard for me to get a real job because of unsuficient accounting experience. I registered with accountemps and I worked only a few weeks. Then I worked for Central Valley Waste Management driving a truck and she did not liked it. She worked her way out until she got me out of the job. Now she tells me that if I do not get a real job I need to leave the house. I do not know what to do, I love my children and I am afraid that the court might give custody of the children to her if we divorce and that my children suffer a lot if they do not see me with them as before. What do I do?

Thank you very much for all your answers.

-- Anonymous, October 21, 2001


It is very important that every time she is abusive that you press charges against her. I know that the system will make it hard for you to do this but you need a legal history against her. Also tape her if you can. Good luck.

-- Anonymous, October 26, 2001

Try creating a journal. In it, record the abuse, where it took place, when it took place, and against whom. (Important if she's also doing this against the children.) Also, if the physical abuse is leaving anything lasting on you, contact your physisian/doctor so that you have a record in case if a trial proves nessessary. The evidence is important because otherwise it's all heresay: He-says/she-says. History has proven that despite so-called equality in the court room, w/o proper evidence, the court may be more willing to believe your wife's testimony.

-- Anonymous, December 03, 2001

I know what you are going through. I was divorced just 6 months ago from just about the same marital situation. My ex-wife would become enraged 2 to 3 times a week yell, scream and destroy property. Several times she became very abusive, she assaulted more than once. The prosecutor would not accept my complaint as serious and file charges, but I filled the complaint forms anyway. This at least made the Sheriff aware of my situation and from then on when I called the Sheriffs department they would make her leave.

Just 2 days ago we had a custody hearing. I had taped my wife doing her intimidation and verbal assaults which hepled the judge to see beyond her lies that she told in court. I had a very good lawyer and I ended up with custody of our 20 month old son.

Justice can be achieved, but it takes some preparation, hard work, and determination.

I wish you the best....

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

In addition to what everyone here has set, don't let her interfere with your getting a decent job. FOcus on that. It will empower you both emotionally and legally. She has one up on you while you're out of work which is undoubtedly why she's interfering with you working. Good luck.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2002

I have a similar situation. My wife calls the police evertime we argue. The police caution me, counsel me, threw me out for 3 days and, even threw me in jail to cool off once. The really weird part is, I've never been charged with anything. Even the time I went to jail, I hadn't touched my wife so, I hired an attorney and the Judge dropped all charges. The attorney encouraged me to file Civil charges against the city. It started as soon as we got married, over 12 years ago now. She has called the police at least 50 times. The police always come prepared to rescue her. Inspite of the multiple visits, the police never take me aside and say, "look, your wife is a nut case. You need to make a move." I keep thinking one will eventually but, instead, they always pretend that I am the problem. Once she called and, when the police arrived, she told them her complaint was that I am "over feeding" our daughter. Her routine has changed over time. Now, what ever she doesn't like, she harps on until I ignite and then, she calls the police. About a year ago, she started to lie to the police. That's scarry. I'd like to leave but, can't. Our family counselor recommended I leave and, when I didn't, she dropped us. I have a daughter, 11 years old. She needs me to stay. I am convinced that my wife has lost her mind, but, that's hard to prove. A friend warned me that she was trouble before I married her. Even I could tell she had a problem but, I couldn't foresee the future. I'd been living alone for over 7 years then and was tired of that scene. I've reached a point in my life when it's time to move on. I am thinking that I should start moving in that direction, whatever direction that is. It's hard.

-- Anonymous, May 26, 2003

First I would like to say it's good you realize you are being abused by your wife, I agree you must get some good evidence, not only to get yourself out of this situation but also the children, or you will never be able to get away from the abuse she's inflicting on all of you. I live in canada and it's probably the same in the states, the laws work for the women not the men in most cases its the women who commits purgery and uses the law because i hate to admsit it but there are some EVIL women out there they love to make a case against you, we all have to realize that these women are manipulating the system they use there children to make your life hell, the only way a court will listen to you is to start pressing charges nobody deserves abuse, this will help also any other evidence. Change your kids life now before its to late women like this do not love there children they just use them to get what they want and eventually this will affect the kids badly, get custody now so that when they grow up they can live productive lives and not turn into people who are abusive, or who lie to get what they want, they need to know they are not pawns that they are loved. But pleases dont feel that because you are a man you need to take abuse if she loved you she wouldnt hurt you same with the children i wish you luck in getting away from this, start a new life you will find a woman who will love and care for you and your kids, there are tons of desent women in this world...good luck -melissa van haaren-

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2003

I too am in the same boat. My ex wife is abusive and tries to get my children to believe i lie to them about everything. She is now telling my son 10 years old that he has scoliosis and asthma, which the doctor tells me he doesnt have. I am not sure what to do about this but I have tried to explain to him that if he did have scoliosis, he would have a crooked back. He is being treated for allergies and I would believe that because i have them too. Since my sons have told my ex-wife that they want to live with me she has started fighting with me a lot and trying to get me to fight back. Dont give up. The kids will be better off with you.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2003

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