potty mouth

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I have a three year old daughter who just exhausts me most of the time. She has been using a lot of naughty words in her play. Is it too soon to use the old wash your mouth out with soap trick or do you have any other suggestions?

-- mindy (speciallady@countrylife.net), October 18, 2001

Answers

Where is she learning these words? TV? Get rid of it. A family member? Confront them about their vocabulary and insist that they apologize to your daughter for teaching her such words.

Just explain to your child that, "We don't use those words." Then don't use them yourself.

If the words are being used as tools of rebellion, remind your child of the many uses of soap for cleaning dirt wherever it may be found, even when it is her mouth. Back up your threat with action.

-- Laura (LadybugWrangler@hotmail.com), October 18, 2001.


agreed!

-- Micheale from SE Kansas (mbfrye@totelcsi.net), October 18, 2001.

I've found that when a child uses a "naughty" word, the best way to get them to stop is to very calmly ask them, "What did you just say?" And when they repeat the word, ask them if they know what that word means. Most usually they don't. So I explain it to them without using any euphemisms, and let them know that it is unacceptable to use such words. Once they understand what it is they are saying, they genuinely DON'T want to say it. (At least with young children!)

"Unacceptable" is a well-used word in our house. I prefer it to "bad" or "naughty" because I think it conveys the "don't do that!" thought much better. My girls learned that word very early in their lives! Last year, I was walking through the living room, not paying attention, and banged my big toe really badly on the coffee table. Of course, a string of obscenities flew out of my mouth before I could catch them! My little one was 3 then, and she sat there wide eyed just staring at me. When I had calmed down, she shook her head and told me that my words were unacceptable. I told her she was right and thanked her for reminding me! :-)

Now then, my 11 year old daughter occasionally gets very frustrated and will say, "Mom! Can I PLEASE say a bad word?" I'll tell her to make up a new one! I'll tell her that all the bad words have been used to death, and she needs to come up with something new. She'll come up with some gibberish that usually has us both laughing before it's all over.

Where is your 3 year old hearing the naughty words in the first place? My girls hear them on tv, of course, and from family members (brother-in-law mostly) who can't seem to complete a sentence without using some obscenity. It's important not to set a double standard - okay for others to use those words, but not okay for the kids.

-- Cheryl in KS (cherylmccoy@rocketmail.com), October 18, 2001.


Washing a childs' mouth out with soap is just a waste of good soap imho...it just teaches the kids to be more sneaky. Where on earth would a three year old hear vulgar words anyway??????? My former sister-in-law came over my house ONCE and proceeded to tell my husband a story full of expletives in front of our children. I interrupted her politely and told her not to use that language in front of my children...she got up and left the house...haven't seen her for over 20 years now..she says I am a snob..so be it. I cannot recall any of my children saying any "dirty words", but if they did at 3 years old, my approach would be a simple one.." Sarah. That word is not a nice word, and we do not say that word at all in our family." I then would direct her attention elsewhere. If she said it again just to get my attention, I would give her a "time out" for each instance..even 3 year old do not like their playtime interrupted with a time out. I agree with eveyone else..find out where she is hearing that stuff and correct the source!

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), October 18, 2001.

I'm a grandma and I fully agree with all of the above! If relatives have so little respect for your children, they don't belong around them. I remember when my son came home from school and used the "f" word. I asked him what it meant and he had not a clue. I told him to never say a word he didn't know because, for all he knew, he might have been telliing someone to put their finger in his ear! It sounds foolish, but he got the point.

-- Ardie from WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), October 18, 2001.


I have found that by consistently teaching my children based on the Bible, I have never had a problem with inappropriate speech. They learned from a very early age that some words just weren't to be said. Now these weren't just so-called cuss words, but any words that were disrespectful. Like stupid, dumb, shut-up, and many others that I consider just as awful as cuss words.

The only way to teach your children is to be a good example yourself. Now my children hear all kinds of words like this, but they have been taught that it is Biblically unacceptable to me, and God to use these words. The Bible teaches extensively about abusive speech, and the wickedness of the tongue!!

I like my children to do the right thing because of the love in their hearts, not because they might get punished if they do the wrong thing, but because of the reward they will receive for doing the RIGHT thing!

-- Melissa (me@home.com), October 18, 2001.


I use the same system as Cheryl, my husband is prone to use bad language, as well as most of of our extended family, So I teach my children the real meaning of the words, and explain that the people who speak that way didn't have a mother who loved them as much as I love my child, because their mother didn't take the time to teach them better, and that some people aren't smart enough or are too lazy to learn better words. The result has been that while they know the words they very rarely use the words and are not intimidated by poeple who do, and I think best of all, my children show a low opinion of someone who doesn't have a better vocabulary. I spend a great deal more time correcting tone of voice than the words used,(I have 4 boys aged 16 1/2 to 8 years)

-- Thumper (slrldr@yahoo.com), October 18, 2001.

I have a funny story to go with this. My youngest (7) was playing a football team with a horrible coach. This man yelled constantly at the kids and the refs. When not yelling at the kids, he was smoking on the sidelines!!! Anyway, Duncan said that one of the kids on this team had cussed him. I wanted to know what he said because I was already considering reporting this coach to the Commissioner at the Boys and Girls Club. I almost laughed when Duncan said the boy said "I'm going to kick your butt!". That's our idea of cussing and I pray that my boys remember this when older, and don't pick up this horrible habit. I have used the soap in the mouth and it sure worked for me!!

-- Ivy in NW AR (balch84@cox-internet.com), October 18, 2001.

Melissa said what I would have said, so if you want my advice, go back and read her post and count it as being from me, too. I do know one family that actually uses soap for lying. The boys rub their toothbrushes in the soap and brush their teeth thoroughly themselves.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), October 18, 2001.

On lying: Most parents set their children up to lie!! If you say "Whoever broke this vase is going to be in BIG trouble!" Usually yelling at the top of your lungs, Your child will not tell you they broke the dish. I guarantee it!! But if you say, "Oh we must clean up this broken glass so that no one will get hurt", the child will usually be eager to help and explain what went wrong. I have never punished my children for telling the TRUTH. I always prefer to reward good behaviour rather than punish bad. One of my relatives even commented on this, saying you know your kids always tell the truth even if they know they might get in trouble!!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 19, 2001.


Once when my son was pretty small, he used an unacceptable word and I calmly asked him where he had heard it and he said "Grandma!"

I allways just told my kids that certain words were "grownup words" and even if it wasn't nice for grown ups to use them, sometimes they did anyway, but that they were not for little children. My son told me later that when he heard kids use bad langauge, he just thought they were trying to show off (which really, they are) and he just ignored them. I've never had any problem with that. We also made up lots of silly words to use when we were angry-often-that brought a giggle or two.

-- Kelly in Ky (ksaderholm@yahoo.com), October 19, 2001.


Time out or standing in a corner works for some .If you go with soap a little on the tip of the tongue may work.Some times you can give them a new word that they can say when angry instead of the bad one.Look in the dict and find one they never heard before.

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), October 19, 2001.

My approach has been much like Cheryl's (funny, that). The other day one of the neighborhood kids was over here and said "Oh my God" about something. My son politely corrected her, saying that we didn't use that word in that way in our house. I was so proud of him! By the way, he's 5 years old!

-- Sheryl in Me (radams@sacoriver.net), October 21, 2001.

To everyone who gets all worked up about this sort of thing, I can only refer you to the essay "A Propos of Lady Chatterly's Lover" by D.H Lawrence, written to accompany later editions of his once-notorious (but brilliant and entirely harmless) novel. In it he points out that fear of certain words actually goes back to superstitions among early tribal societies, and is thus a characteristic of "half-evolved lower natures."

-- Timothy (belltw@yahoo.com), November 28, 2001.

When I was four I had started swearing. My 17 year old mouth wrarned me first.After that she started scrubbing my mouth out with soap. She soon learned that Ivory and dial work the best plus add alot of lather to the taste as well. After a few scrubbings I stopped my potty mouth.

-- Christina Natalie Brannan (Midnightluver@msn.com), January 04, 2002.


Believe me, Soap in the mouth works. When i was 10, i accidently let out a swear word in front of my parents. I spent the next 5 minutes sitting with a bar of soap in my mouth. After that, i seriously watched my language.

-- Kelly (SmithK005@hotmail.com), February 02, 2002.

“Forcing a child to ingest noxious substances either as a punishment or as an attempted lesson should be considered intentional poisoning. The old-fashioned practice of washing the child's mouth out with soap to cleanse it of the pollution of forbidden words can cause injury more serious than just an upset stomach. A child died when he aspirated soap into his lungs during such a lesson. Another death from asphyxiation occurred when a mother poured the contents of a pepper shaker down her child's throat. So much pepper went into the his windpipe that he could not breathe. A six-year old boy died of potassium poisoning when his foster father put more than two tablespoons of Morton's Lite Salt on his food "to teach him the taste of salt". The child craved salt and ate large quantities of it after he was placed in the foster home. The foster father apparently thought that if the child got a large enough dose of salt that he would stop craving it. In a small town in Missouri, the principal caught two junior high school boys with cigarettes. His little joke for years for teenage smokers has been "Bend over or eat 'em". This time, the boys took his dare and ate 18 cigarettes between them. Fortunately, they vomited the tobacco before it could poison them; a law suit was filed claiming that one of the boys developed stomach ulcers from this punishment.”

THINK TWICE: THE MEDICAL EFFECTS OF PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT

by Lesli Taylor, M.D. Adah Maurer, Ph.D.

Illustrations by Marianna Grenadier [ illustrations are, of course, absent in this copy ]

Copyright (c) 1985 by Lesli Taylor, M.D. and Adah Maurer, Ph.D., All rights reserved.

-- G.B. (gasper_b@bellsouth.net), August 16, 2002.


Dearest Mindy, If your daughter is old enough to cuss then she is certainly old enough to know what soap tastes like. I personally suggest something like Camay, it lathers up well, has a very pleasant aftertaste of a floral scent, yet drives the point home. I personally have had to chew and swallow several bars of Camay on numerous occasions for using words sailors never even thought of and cussing out kids infront of their mother. (big mistake) I once had a mother haul off and slap me out of the chair, (most women can't even hit hard enough to tickle but I didn't consider her a woman) sat on top of me, grabbed a brand new 22 oz. bottle of Mt. Spring Dawn, unscrewed the cap, pinched my nose hard until I had to open my potty mouth to breath, inserted the bottle in my mouth like a baby bottle, and told me to not to even think about spitting any of it back out. Well, I did.(big mistake again) She cominced to holding my nose and made me swallow every last drop of that 22 oz. bottle of dishsoap. (what could I do? she was the one in charge)Believe you me, I had no trouble going to the bathroom for a week and a half. Think that taught me a lesson not to cuss? not a chance. I say go for it Mindy. Steven in MO

-- Steven Michael Andrade (widowmaker@alltel.net), September 04, 2002.

How do you know when your method of discipline is wrong? When a child abusing sadist comes online and endorses it.

-- G.B. (gasper_b@bellsouth.net), October 01, 2002.

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