Money and Children

greenspun.com : LUSENET : Country Families : One Thread

When it comes to finances one of the hardest parts to deal with is the children. We all want our kids to have life better than we did. So many work overtime and over-extend themselves financially to give there children everything they not only need, but want. And collectively as a nation we are raising a generation of children who do not understand the value of a dollar. They wear $100 tennis shoes, drive better cars than their parents, carry cell phones and beepers, and carry more money than any other group of kids in history. This is before they leave high school!!

I feel that one of the most important parts of my job a a mother is to teach my kids, not only how to make money in the future, but how to manage it properly. Here is my own personal child financial plan. We begin implementation of this as soon as the child is 5 years old, however my son was only 4 when we started doing it with him.

Each child receives a set amount of money for school needs for the year. This includes all clothing, underwear, shoes, coats, gloves hats, etc... It also includes all supplies like pens and pencils, crayons, glue etc... except paper. I buy this seperately and keep a huge amount in a cupboard that we store school supplies in. The amounts are : grade school $100, middle school $110, high school $130. They are given their money the first of August, in cash, and they are completley responsible for what they buy and when. For their Birthdays, each one gets $20 if they have a party with friends coming or $40 if they choose to have no party (just a cake with the family). They receive a weekly allowance on Mondays. Elementary is $1, Middle School is $1.50, and High School is $2. During the year I might give them either money or a small treat for good report cards, they are all Honor roll students, and often at Christmas they might get a few dollars in their stockings. This is all the money they receive from us, The oldest is starting to baby-sit and they receive money for County Fair premiums if they place. They have also won money for various contest prizes, like art and writing. Now when we shop they each handle their own money, if they want something and they have the money they are free to buy it. They are all very conservative as they know I do not bail them out. When the money runs out they just have to wait until they get some more!! My youngest daughter has routinely taken hers down to having only $1!!! But she has been managing much better latley and is not spending if she gets below a certain amount. My second oldest daughter has more money than anyone (including me I think!!!, and if the others want ot borrow from her she charges interest!!!) My son is always wanting new boots, he constantly wants to look for work-boots, hiking boots, cowboy boots, etc.. It is hilarious. My oldest is very frugal, but likes nice jeans which is the worst area of her budget to keep under control. she generaly makes wise choices. Latley though when she outgrows a pair of jeans that are very nice and new looking , she is offeing for sale to her sister. But Megan usually buys them because for a few dollars, they are a bargain compard to new. I don't mind this if they are a pair that was bought withher own money and not ones that someone gave us.

This really works! No stress, no arguing with kids about the price. I do give advice about how something might look when it is washed, and they generaly follow the same rule I do about white, except gym socks.

If they choose they can use their money for toys, art supplies, it doesn't matter to me because they know they won't get any more when the money runs out. I am glad they all want to look nice for school, they spend their money wisely, and generally try to get good quality items.

I know this is getting long so as I think of things or if you have questions feel free to ask.

-- Melissa (cmnorris@1st.net), October 17, 2001

Answers

This is a very good post.

Our system is similar except that each child gets 1$ per school year grade. We buy not other gifts toys for them other than birthday and christmas. BIG items must be paid for by child (cd player ex.)

Their allowance includes any entertainment (well, I mean parental - approved entertainment). That only becomes available as they get older and want to go skating or to the movies or to a football game.

They can earn extra money for big jobs if they catch up on their chores (although there is rarely time for this).

As teenagers they get a quarterly clothing allowance based upon a budget they create. We do not bail them out. If they spend all their money on socks and then have no pants to wear-too bad.

-- Ann Markson (tngreenacres@hotmail.com), October 17, 2001.


I know many people do this with teenagers, and I wondered how my little ones would manage, but they do an excellent job. My son started keeping his own money when he was only 4 years old, and made very wise decisions!!

This money is also used for charitable contributions, and gifts for each other and my husband and I . For our anniversary they each gave us $5, for a total of $20 so we could go out for supper! They are not stingy with their money and give each other gifts at birthdays and Christams as well.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 17, 2001.


Perhaps this is a different issue but I wanted to talk about spending $ and time on children that is good for them.

By this I mean--if we are opposed to conspicuous consumption or questionable moral things-- we do not support it with our money by purchasing it for our child.

In other words....we might give a gift certificate to walmart (not the GAP) but also money to child to spend at the gap. After awhile of seeing how little your dollar goes for the NAME on the clothes, our kids have figured out how best to spend their money.

If everyone in class must have a certain shoe, jacket or purse and it is IMPORTANT for our child to have one--we let THEM save up for it and learn the disappointment that THINGS do not make you happy for long.

We give Coupons for time with our child doing special things instead of money or things.

We give subscriptions to magazines that challenge your children's minds and morals instead of the junk they crave. We never forbid the junk, just told them it was their money to pay for it. Guess what? they soon lost interest in those things but the money we spent on good magazines/books has paid manyfold for our family.

Every birthday or christmas will bring good books and educational crafts/science thing that they usually don't ask for but ALWAYS enjoy later.

I find it unacceptable that parents who are opposed to things like the World Wide Wrestling Federation trash would purchase the merchandise for their kids.

I tell my kids that how women are treated or mistreated, respected or disrespected in our society/media is directly related to how we spend our dollars.

I will not pay money to Seventeen Magazine to hogwash my daughter into thinking that her body is not worth more than casual sex! I will not pay money to support the WWF in teaching young boys that the only thing girls are for is sex.

I think Britney Spears is a very poor role model for six and seven year old girls and do not spend my money to support the message that a girl must be sexy (even a very young girl)to be worth something.

I spend my hard earned dollars to teach what I believe. Someday they will do the same with their money.

-- Ann Markson (tngreenacres@hotmail.com), October 17, 2001.


sounds like we see eye to eye on a lot of things!! MY kids have only a few CD's maybe 2 or 3 total, they only get a magazine called Young Rider (horses) and American Girl )gift from grandmother), we are so busy that they rarely have time for foolish or immoral things.

My kids are so tight-waddish, that they think Wal-mart is too high priced!! We have a store called Gabriel Brothers that sells clothes that may be imperfect, or end of season, and some brands specifically for them. You never know what you will find, but jeans will be anywhere from $1 to $10, shirts for 50 cents and up. My second oldest daughter bought 12 new shirts there this past August for school, for a total of $8, these are all brand new clothes. They have many famous names also I can't remember, but LEI jeans, and Levi's all kinds of odds and ends. Underwear is 3 for $1 and Hanes socks are about $2-3 a package of 6. It is a great place to find bargains. My girls bought nice winter coats for $12 recently. sometimes you might have to sew a seam, but fot the savings we can do that!!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 17, 2001.


I see that you ladies have a great deal of common sense. Your children will really appreciate your efforts down the road.

-- Ardie from WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), October 17, 2001.


I wanted to further comment on the school supplies. Seems like when kids must pay for themselves they find that they do not need new backpacks each year, and can maybe stretch their use to 3-4 years. O rtrade with a sibling. At the end of the schoolyear, any good supplies are placed back in their backpacks. Anything they don't want goes into our school cupboard, wher the other siblings can now pick these things out for free on a first come- first served basis. Things like scissors, markers, rulers, calculators etc.. Folders are recycled as well being taped along the edges and maybe whited ou where there was writing.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 17, 2001.

Thanks for the idea. My son is constantly tearing up his shoes and scratching holes in the knees of his pants. Maybe with a little budget he will learn to appreciate what he has. I have had to bag up all of his toys or throw them out because he refuses to clean them up. If you have any suggestions on that please let me know. The girls are only 18 months apart and can share clothes.

-- mindy (speciallady@countrylife.net), October 17, 2001.

You people amaze me, I love to read these posts about how you raise your kids. Mine are 18 and21 and spoiled to the max. When they were small, I tried to implement some of these things but you would think I was asking them to cut an arm off. They cried and whined till I gave in, now they dont know the value of money, my daughter has a part time job where she makes about70.00 a week she pays 75.00 a month on a cell phone because it makes her look cool. She lives with her grandmother because she didnt like my rules. She has no decent clothes she ears what ever she gets from her friends she pays no rent her only concerns are her phone and cigarettes. If I had a child now(at 46) I would be such a better mother. Both of my kids were raised in the country life with gardens live stock and homeschooled for two years, they hated all of it because it wasnt what their friends did. When I read stories like Cathys with all her kids, I really envie their wa of life, its how I wanted it to be for my kids but they were so opposed to it, it didnt seem worth the hassle. Those of you who give a set amount of money for clothes and such, do you ever get any resistance if so how do you come up against it.Its to late for me now, but I would still like to know how you do it. Roxanne

-- Roxanne (Roxanne143@webtv.net), October 17, 2001.

Anybody who has had any contact with a TV within the last 10 or 12 years might know who Kate and Ashley Olsen are. Twin actresses who got their start in the show Full House. I saw an interview with them when they were ten. They were making hundreds of thousands or more? Yet they only got a $7 a week allowance, IF their room was clean. If that's true, hats off to their mom.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), October 17, 2001.

Roxanne, I learned most of my parenting skills after moving to Texas, when I already had 4 children. My oldest was 7 and we clashed a LOT. The church we went to then had a lot of good, practical information that helped us get the children under control. My older daughter was three at the time, and would throw a great big noisy fit any time we crossed her will. The 7 year old wasn't so loud; he simply ignored us and did what he wanted. One dear lady in particular prayed for us, and when I asked how she got her children to behave, she told me. Sometimes I didn't like her advice, but I saw that it was working for her, so we tried it. The idea is to make the children understand that the PARENTS are the boss, not them. Whiney kids whine because their parents let them. It was a long haul for us, but we learned to never give in to whining. The children had to suffer painful consequences before they learned. We haven't got it all together yet; our youngest two have started whining and we are beginning again with them. We try never to give them anything they whine for, and don't let the older ones give in to them, either. Supposing one whines because I gave him milk when he wanted juice. Well, he either has to drink the milk, or he doesn't drink anything. He for sure doesn't get the juice. Actions have consequences, and if the children don't suffer them, the parents will.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), October 17, 2001.


To answer on the money front: I have never had any problems with my kids and the amount of money they get. I have always been very open with them about how much our bills are, how much we make a week, how much we have saved, how much it cost to build something. We discuss our finances from a very young age, and they know that if I say there is no money for something, there really isn't!!!

Many families make the mistake of not telling their children anything at all about money. I guess my kids have alwys been exposed to it because I am an income tax preparer and from the time they were born, they have heard me discussing all sorts of fiancial things with clients. It is commonplace for them to discuss finances.

I know that many people are not comfortable with discussing these things with their children, but I think it makes them feel like they are part of our team!! We are all working together to have a great life here in the country.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 18, 2001.


Moderation questions? read the FAQ