YES!, IT's true. We've devised not just one, bit TWO plans to make flying safe in America - NOW.

It has been recognized by the national media that training, arming, and deploying enough SkyMarshalls to cover each and ever commercial flight in the country is problematic, time consuming, and costly. Additionally some of the efforts of normal untrained citizens on recent flights point us in the right direction.

Now we would not in ANY way derogate the efforts of our fine government officials. The plans we have devised could easily be used in the interim.

Plan One:

Since the SkyMarshalls program has some present difficulties, we're promoting a new plan called:

SkyBubbas

We need make a sweep through Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and round up the 30 thousand bubbas needed. (If there is any shortage, I'm POSITIVE we could fill the remaining needs, if not all, right here in Texas.)

We're sure there would be plenty of volunteers.

We then need find only two more things. Thirty thousand jack handles and a like number of spittoons.

What we do is put a jack-handle wielding Bubba on each flight. Let him lean back in a chair against the cockpit door. I don't know about you, but I would have no fear to fly on a flight with 4-5 terrorists armed with box cutters as long as there is a SkyBubba present.

For added safety or when there is specific intelligence obtained that a particular flight may be in jeopardy, we can wrap the jack-handles in bacon.

Plan Two:

Now as clean, economical, and amazingly simple as Plan One was, Plan Two will amaze you even more.

Picture this, as you hand your boarding pass to the gate agent there is a large bowl beside her. You must make your selection, and consume the treat before boarding the plane. You don't eat it, you're barred from boarding the plane.

The treat? Why pig skins of course, or pork rinds, or what ever they're called in your area. (Chitlins for those of you in Oklahoma.)

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We will continue to work on alternative plans here on the ranch and keep you posted as they develop.

-- Greybear.

- Got Pork ?

-- Greybear (greybear@worldemail.com), October 15, 2001

Answers

After re-reading the above, it occurs to us that we may have offended some certain portions of our society.

We sure would like to appologize to them all, but we just can't bring ourselves to do it.

Dubya done said it "you're either with us or your with them".

And Greybear is about up to here (motions at his thick hairy neck) with political correctness.

- Greybear

-- Got Attitude?

-- Greybear (greybear@worldemail.com), October 16, 2001.