What is the Hardest thing about having children?

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I know many here have children and many are contemplating it, so what do you think is the hardest part of having children?

To me the worst thing is when they are sick or hurt. I want my children to have a great life and I really worry when they are hurting in some way!! I know all children have accidents and sicknesses, but my mind automatically races to the worst possible thing that can happen. One of my best friends says I just read too much. AAlthough I am usually optimistic in nature, there is always that brief moment, when a sore neck is meningitis, and a cut is a staph infection. ETC... I am getting better though! A few weeks ago whe my son fell off his pony and hurt his arm, I thought "Oh it is probably just sprained", since he really wasn't complaining much. But I took him to the doctor for an X-ray and it was a very bad fracture! so to me this is the hardest thing. If they wouldn't get sick or hurt, I would have a dozen!

-- Melissa (cmnorris@1st.net), October 13, 2001

Answers

This is a very deep question for my early morning email check...but here goes. I don't really worry about "physical" pain, because generally I know almost anything will heal. I don't want them hurt of course, but there are many things involved in "growing up" that I would hurt them more by not letting them do it, then by restraining them *eg. my 6 year old daughter LOVES climbing trees....very VERY high* I just leave, and let my husband take over her endeaver :). My concerns always lie in their...general upbringing. *Hard to find the right words* I want them to remember me being calm and rational during tough situations, loving and forgiving when they do wrong, working with my hands, seeing that they do not need to live "in this world" so to speak. I want them to know that it's okay to be different, to EXPECT to be different. Everything my husband and I do now, so greatly affects how they will handle themselves later in life, and that is a huge responsibility. That is my concern, and the hardest part of being a parent. Being the best mom I can, so my children will understand their capabilities, and never be afraid to try new things.

Thanks for listening :) Aimee.

-- Aimee Gosse (aimeegosse@hotmail.com), October 13, 2001.


We are going through puberty with our oldest child. AAAAGGGGHHHH! Will I survive? Will he survive? Stay tuned!

-- Jo (mamamia2kids@msn.com), October 13, 2001.

I think the hardest thing for me was witnessing the loss of innocence. My son is still one of the most generous people I know. I remember a Halloween when he was very young we had taken him 'Trick- or-Treating' at a few neighbors' homes. Later, we had some friends over with their older children. All on his own, my son went and got his little bag of treats so he could share with company.

When he held out the bag the other two emptied it between them. The look on my son's face broke my heart. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even upset that all his candy was gone so much as he was surprised and disappointed they'd taken everything and hadn't shared like he had. He just didn't understand why anyone wouldn't share like he did.

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), October 13, 2001.


The hardest part for me has been seeing them leave home, knowing that I can no longer shelter them from life's hardest hits. You can just hope and pray that you've given them the best upbringing possible, and trust God to watch over them. Then, sigh, you have to learn to keep your mouth shut.

-- melina b. (goatgalmjb1@hotmail.com), October 13, 2001.

I also just let one leave home. He's off to BYU, a good religious university, and I know he's being good. But it's terribly hard to let go, you know, when you check beds at night, one is always empty, and you no longer have those casual chats(just not the same on the phone). You hope you've given them enough, taught them what they need to know, but you know from your own experiences how much growing and learning and hurting is still ahead...Having been through all that other stuff, I gotta agree with Melina that letting go is the hardest.

-- mary (marylgarcia@aol.com), October 13, 2001.


Melissa, you ask the most interesting questions; you must lie awake nights thinking them up ;)

Aimee, the tree story reminded me of last fall when I went outside and found my 4yo son all the way at the very top of the tallest spruce in our yard (60-70 ft). He was not a bit scared; in fact, he stood on a branch arm-length away from the trunk with his one hand holding the trunk (yes, it was that narrow up there). With his other hand, and with a HUGE smile, he waved energenically at me, shouting, "Hi, Mommy!!!" I turned around, went back in to my husband, and totally lost it. He got to go out and watch while one of the older boys went up the tree to fetch him down safely.

The hardest part about raising children is discipline. I know they need it in order to become responsible youngsters instead of whiney, spoiled brats, but I HATE dishing it out. It is hard enough for me to be consistent with POSITIVE discipline (daily routine, etc.); it is next to impossible for me to be consistent with NEGATIVE disciplines (wrong behavior receiving appropriate consequences).

Cindy, God has been very gracious; I, too, have had a major victory in overcoming my "short fuse".

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), October 13, 2001.


Interesting answers. You know even when I was pregnant I was more concerned with their health than anything. I worked with mentally handicapped children and I knew everything that could go wrong. I used to pray that they would just come out healthy and I had no doubts I could handle anything from that point (with a lot of praying!) They all came out healthy, and so far we have handled everything else with a minimum of problems. I guess I just expect them to be the best they can be and they usually rise to the occassion!

Cathy you are exactly right about staying awake at night!! I usually go to bed at about 10 or 11 PM then I wake at about 4, but I don't get up then, too early for me. I spend a few hours in a state about half awake, half asleep, thinking and praying and planning. I will have many inspirations about all kinds of things! Recipes, how to build a room, new things to try at pre-school and yes questions to post on here. I am truly not normal!!! I have houses planned out in my head, and much, much more. I'm so weird I scare myself sometimes!!!! Just Kidding!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 13, 2001.


Melina--AMEN

-- Barb Fischer (bfischer42@hotmail.com), October 13, 2001.

The hardest thing for me is now they are all grown (the youngest, 20, and homeschooled, got married in May but he had already lived on his own for about 9 months he his house he'd bought and was fixing up for his new bridge!)

anyway, with the four kids all grown now and living away from home, I catch myself waking up in the middle of the night and wonder if they are all home from night jobs or wherever, are they safe, are they happy? especially in this unsettling times! So I pray that Jesus puts His safety all around them! After you raise them up you got to let them go!

I'm not an empty-nester and kind of enjoying not having a "child" at home. My first was born when I was 19 and I will be 50 next year so this is my first time without kids at home in ages! But although they're no longer in our home, they certainly are in our hearts!!!

(And for you younger mothers---the hardest thing for me when they were younger was LOOSING SLEEP! Nathan didn't EVER want to sleep when he was a baby!!!)

-- Suzy in Bama (slgt@yahoo.com), October 13, 2001.


Oh, gosh, one of the hardest for me is knowing where to draw the line, staying consistent on discipline issues, knowing when to give in some, when to tighten the reins. I probably worry mostly about them turning out bad or good. We're a blended family and my dh's two are not productive members of society, my oldest grown son, just married in June, live in another state and is a great guy, doing well, I haven't always agreed with the decisions he made with his life, but he seems to always come out on top, my 2nd oldest just graduated and moved out (just 8 miles away), he's a real good kid also and so far has turned out well, I try not to take to much credit for them turning out well cause, they all have a choice, and some choices may be the wrong ones and they'll fall and have to get back up and try again, as long as they learn from their mistakes I'm o.k. with them makeing them. I"ve got two more at home still baking in the oven, a 13 yr old boy, (the ours baby) and a 7 yr old grandaughter we have custody of. When my 13 yr old thinks some bad humor is funny, I wonder where we went wrong! Just about the time I think I"ve done a good job, the Lord shows me I'm not finished yet! LOL I worry about worldly influences on their lives differing from our beliefs and standards, wondering which way they'll go. I worry that my grandaughter will turn out like one of her parents, inherit a mental illness or go wild as a teen, not matter how loving, patient, stable, and christian eviroment we bring her up in. Her genetics put her at a great disadvantage as it is, she has a lot to deal with, knowing she doesn't live with either of her parents and they have lots of problems! So I pray and thats what keeps me sane, did I say I was sane???? Not sure! I fear my 13 yr old is going to abandon the values we've taught him and reject his Christian faith. Knowing which friends to allow them contact with is another biggy, you want to give the kids you don't know a fair chance, most of the kids we come in contact with are pretty good kids, we've been real lucky so far! I love all kids anyway, those with problems need love and help, but I'm not sure exposeing your kids to them is the best idea, you just have to take it one at a time. Well I've said enough.

-- Carol in Tx (cwaldrop@peoplescom.net), October 13, 2001.


The hardest thing for me has been their "emotional" hurts -- I guess you could call it a loss of innocence.

Case in point -- friends of ours have a child a year older than ours. Recently this boy has been going through an "angry young man" stage and has been, essentially, a little SOB. He feels the need to unleash his anger at my two (and anyone else who speaks to him), who still think of him in terms of the "buddy" he was a few months ago.

When others do things that my children can't understand, but cause them emotional pain, that's the hardest to bear.

-- Tracy (trimmer31@hotmail.com), October 14, 2001.


A long time ago, someone told me that all your children "will step on your toes" sooner or later. I've never seen it fail. Sometime they come close to smashing them.

-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (atilrthehony@countrylife.net), October 14, 2001.

I always heard it said and believe that your children will be your greatest joys and greatest heartbreaks. My hardest thing to deal with is my fear of not being a good father. Watching the world mess with them and not being able to stop it is difficult also.

-- Tom (Calfarm@msn.com), October 15, 2001.

I have told many a young mother that that hardest thing to do with your children is to throw them out of the nest! When they hit the ground, you brush them off and throw them into the air again so that they learn to use their wings to fly! In other words, we have to teach them to be strong and independent. And to fly without us.

-- Ardie from WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), October 15, 2001.

The HARDEST thing is the death of a child. I lost my daughter when she was 17 years old. Everything else is gravy, I wish she was here for a good mother daughter fight. You know, you will be home by 11:30 on fri night and having to listen to them tell you, but everyone else dosn't have to come home that early LOL. I would say well I guess so and so mother just dose not love them as much as I love you. That would just make her steam LOL. My baby (my son) is now 19 and his sister was 2 years older than him. Now he is older than her. I still talk to her in my mind and know one day I will get to see her again but for now I think my grandfather (my best friend) is looking out for her now (he passed in 1979) till its my time.

-- Teresa (c3ranch@socket.net), October 15, 2001.


Teresa I can't even imagine the pain you must go through. I guess everything else just pales in comparison. As long as we have our children with us, we still have the opportunity to be the best parents we can be. Thanks for posting I know it must have been hard, and it surely gave us all something to think about.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), October 16, 2001.

Before my first child was born my mother told me I was about to 'pay for my raisin'. Oh boy was she right! The hardest thing for me is looking at my son and seeing my stubborn hard headedness, quick temper, and the know it all attitude. I got this more or less knocked out of me once I was in the 'real world' for a couple of years. This was a very hard lesson with a lot of pain. It is very difficult to know that you can't keep your children from making the same mistakes you made. It is hard knowing that I will have to let them go out into the big scarry world and make their own mistakes and I won't be able to protect them any more.

-- Amanda in MO (mrsgunsmyth@hotmail.com), October 16, 2001.

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