October 10, 2001

Gilligan's Island vs. the Taliban

By Catherine Seipp

Why do they hate us?

Here are some of the usual answers: Israel. McDonald's. The Gulf War. Infidel American women who run around in short skirts with heads uncovered. Hollywood. U.S. arrogance and naivete about other cultures.

To all that, I suggest another reason: "Gilligan's Island."

Shakespeare scholar and literary critic Paul Cantor wrote "Gilligan Unbound: Pop Culture In the Age of Globalization" before the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. (The book will be published in November.) But his argument that "Gilligan's Island" was really, at its core, not just a silly '60s sitcom but a paean to American democracy is particularly noteworthy right now, in the wake of the disaster.

"Gilligan's Island" premiered in 1964 on CBS, to almost uniformly terrible reviews. But since then it has never, not even once, been off the air. For 12 years, "Gilligan's Island: The Musical" (co-written by the TV show's creator Sherwood Schwartz) has been touring theaters across the United States. On Oct. 14, CBS presents the latest in Gilliganiana: a new TV movie called "Surviving Gilligan's Island: The Incredibly True Story of the Longest Running Three-Hour Tour In History."

Gilligan's typically clueless comment when a visiting banana-republic dictator proposes making him the puppet leader of the island ("I was the president of the eighth-grade camera club"), Thurston Howell III's lament about the possibility of an island election ("The whole thing sounds so darn democratic") ... all this and every other bit of the "Gilligan's Island" political philosophy has been dubbed into 30 languages.

Somewhere in the world, someone right now is watching the show's central idea that, as Cantor puts it, "a representative group of Americans could be dropped anywhere on the planet - even in the middle of the Pacific Ocean - and they would still feel at home - indeed they would rule." Unfriendly countries probably find this infuriating. But friendly ones don't seem to mind.

At the "Surviving Gilligan's Island" press conference, a British journalist plopped himself down next to me and began happily singing his version of the theme song: "Just sit roight back and 'ear a tile, a tile of a fightful trip..."

If the "Gilligan" theme song is so embedded in viewers' minds, so, perhaps, is its subliminal message to an entire generation around the world. As Dawn Wells (who played Mary Ann) remarked as she surveyed a room packed with reporters: "We raised you!"

Perhaps especially annoying to anti-Americans across the globe, the castaways have little regard for whatever indigenous culture they find on the island. When they put on a show, it's a festival of Dead White Males: a musical version of "Hamlet," to the tune of "Carmen."

Academics are famous for reading all sorts of strange ideas into texts. But in the case of "Gilligan's Island," Cantor is not simply projecting images onto an inkblot. Creator Sherwood Schwartz notes in his own book about the series, "Inside Gilligan Island," that "I know about the social content of my show, and the seven characters were carefully chosen after a great deal of thought."

Schwartz named the Castaways' ship, the S.S. Minnow, as a jab at then FCC chairman Newton Minow, who'd famously characterized television as "a vast wasteland." He recalls CBS chief William Paley's horror - "I thought it was supposed to be a comedy!" - at Schwartz's description of "Gilligan's Island" as a social microcosm.

Schwartz's response is a classic of let's-save-the-pitch quick-thinking: "It's a funny microcosm!"

Viewed through the prism of America's enemies, it's easy to see how the "Gilligan's Island" gang represents everything Muslim fanatics and their sympathizers hate. As Cantor describes it, "The Skipper embodies American military might, the Professor represents American science and technological know-how, and the Millionaire reflects the power of American business...the presence of The Movie Star among the castaways even hints at the source of America's cultural domination of the world - Hollywood."

Extending this trope, I would add that the Millionaire displays an unseemly Western uxoriousness towards his one wife -- insulting to societies where women are fourth class citizens, after the children and the camels. Mary Ann, besides her fondness for short-shorts, is offensively spunky to anyone who thinks women belong in robes and head scarves. She's the type of virgin who offends the fantasies of suicide bombers bombers everywhere, as she obviously wouldn't even give them the time of day in paradise.

And then there's Gilligan, the essence of the naïve, childish American - as Americans are so often described, ad nauseum, abroad. But bumbling, unsophisticated Gilligan has a way of ruining the plans of every Soviet cosmonaut or Third World dictator who drops by. "Representing the average citizen at his most ordinary," Cantor writes, "Gilligan presides over a kind of democratic utopia on the island and is repeatedly called upon to act as its savior."

What's more, he always prevails.

Why do they hate us? It just may be because of "Gilligan's Island."

Yes, this is sort of a silly answer. But it's still smarter than the question.

Catherine Seipp is a freelance writer. This article first appeared in Media week, Oct. 1, 2001.

-- Eve (eve_rebelah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001

Answers

Well, NOW I've done it. I've been humming that farkaktah jingle ever since I read that essay this morning -- and probably will until Dawson's Creek decides to take over again, no matter what else I listen to in between.

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

Heh. It's not such a bad song, Eve. After I responded to one of Gary's posts, suggesting that an anarchist was an anarchist [the point being not to confuse it with a liberal], I found myself humming the theme from Mr. Ed. "A horse is a horse, of course, of course..." Try THAT one on for size sometime. Heh.

I was too young and unconcerned to notice any of these things when Gilligan was first on. There seem to be reruns on cable. I might give an episode a look and see if I can "read" more into it now than I did in my youth.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), October 11, 2001.

Anita, lol! Listen to this, though -- I swear once I was trying to reach the warranty section of an appliance store to make a claim on a problem with my TV and they put me on hold for 45 minutes where I had to listen to the themes from Mr. Ed, the Addams Family, the Flintstones and Green Acres over and over! I knew it was a deliberate ploy to get you to hang up -- that the claim just isn't worth the cost. And, get this -- the Mr. Ed one even left in the "Hello. Ah'm Mister Ay-ad," at the beginning, in that insufferable way of his such that if he'd strolled up to my door then -- well, let's just say PETA would have had my mug on a wanted poster quicker 'n you could say "horse liver casserole."

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

What a revelation. And to think that Mary Ann lives just down the road "a piece". Probably be tanks guarding our national asset when I drive by tomorrow. And I thought that there were no terrorist targets in the area. :)

Best Wishes,,,,

Z

-- Z1X4Y7 (Z1X4Y7@aol.com), October 11, 2001.

Z, LOL! And I thought *I* was in trouble because Bioport Corp. (the only firm in the country that's currently working on an anthrax vaccine) is just "down the road apiece" from me. Geez...I really feel for ya. :(

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

Never could figure why the Professor didn't jump Mary Ann...

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

BTW, if he could make a record player out of coconuts, why couldn't he fix the damned boat?

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

Unk, fret not -- I hear it's back on the "director's cut" of the pilot episode, on DVD at a store near you.

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

We cross posted -- my last post referred to your preceding one, Unk.

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

Cool Eve, I'll look for it. One thing that always made me hot about Mary Ann was that she didn't need this.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

Map of Gilligans island.

http://www.gilligansisle.com/island.html

-- ? (..@...456), October 11, 2001.

Um.....Unk, I'm not sure the woman in the photo needed it either.

Anyway, in the director's cut I understand those two didn't even wait until they set sail -- as soon as the theme song was done they just tore into each other. Mighta been right there on the dock.

Finally, am I the only one here who thinks that Bin Laden sans beard would look more than a little like.....Gilligan himself? And....Gilligan was never found -- right? RIGHT? Oh, wait a minute. That was just a TV show. Never mind.

-- Eve (eve_rebekah@yahoo.com), October 11, 2001.

Actually, there was an episode where in one of Gilligan's dreams, Tina Louise (normally Ginger) plays an old woman who turns into a beautiful princess after kissing Gilligan on the cheek. This paves the way for Russell Johnson's old man to persuade Dawn Well's character that he'd turn into a prince if he and she kissed. She fell for it.

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), October 11, 2001.

Sorry, that's "Dawn Wells's" character.

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), October 11, 2001.

Finally, am I the only one here who thinks that Bin Laden sans beard would look more than a little like.....Gilligan himself?

So all we need to find is the red-faced, agitated Skipper, and he'll start whapping Bin Laden with his sailors cap, and Bin Laden will skulk away, humiliated. I think they're working with coconut radios over there right about now, anyway, or might as well be.

-- Bemused (and_amazed@you.people), October 11, 2001.

You can tell a lot about a man depending if he was a "Ginger guy" or a "Mary Ann guy".

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 11, 2001.

JBT, which were you?

-- helen resumes taking notes (mrs@howell.lookalikes.please.stand.up), October 11, 2001.

Mary Ann all the way my dear. Though I bet Lovey did show Mr. Howle a pretty good time.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

I knew it! I love you, JBT.

-- helen (more@mary.ann.than.ginger), October 12, 2001.

Aw shucks. Do you do coconut cream pies?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

Are you asking me to wrestle in coconut cream pie?

-- helen (need@more.coconut), October 12, 2001.

Only if the goats are in bed. Shall I shake a tree?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

Quietly. The goats love coconut.

-- helen (my@first.pie.wrestle), October 12, 2001.

Drat! Mike Mule has shown up wearing his fins and snorkel. Who let him in on it??

-- helen (threes@a.crowd), October 12, 2001.

Yes I love anything creamy. Mostly I'm asking you to show me your hangy downs that mike doesn't have.

I love you Helen.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

That was really mean, troll...there I had my first pie wrestling all set up and you had to go and spoil it.

-- helen drags her sad self to bed (no@pie.wrestling), October 12, 2001.

Helen,

How did you teach that ass to type, especially while wearing fins and a snorkel?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

go to bed all by your self You fucking whore.

-- (Mr.@helen.no's what is going on), October 12, 2001.

Oh sorry, now I see that wasn't posted by Mike but by my little precious one. Time for bed little one. Kiss your gerbils good night and tuck them in tight.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

"fucking whore" is an oxymoron...you moron.

-- Liberty, Justice, and the American Whey (ph@oo.ey), October 12, 2001.

Don't ya' hate people who puck at a party?

All that vomit on the floor.

-- ? (...@..123), October 12, 2001.

Oxymoron?

Nah, I've slept with lots of fucking whores who love to fuck.

-- (you@da.moron), October 12, 2001.

ROTFL, yeah right.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

BTW Helen, now you've left me with all these damn coconuts laying around. I am holding you personally responsible for this.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), October 12, 2001.

JBT, YOU tell the mule he isn't invited.

-- helen (threes@real.crowd), October 12, 2001.

Mules and coconut cream pie? Nah, nevermind........

Personally, I was always a Mary Ann fan. There was something about Mary Ann.......haha...

Unc, I've wondered the same. My favorite is when they found the helium vent. Gilligan floating around like that just tickles me!

Deano

-- Deano (deano@luvthbeach.com), October 12, 2001.