Sorry if you've alrady seen it!

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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off you clothing and place into a sectioned laundry basket according to colours, whites and manmade or natural fabrics. Walk to your bathroom wearing a long dressing gown, if you see your husband on the way, cover all exposed flesh and rush into the bathroom.

Quickly look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your belly, complain and whine about getting fat then get in the shower.

Use a face cloth, arm cloth, loincloch, long loofah, wide loofah, sponge and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins, Wash hair again with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on your hair, wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub.

Rub until face is red raw. Wash the rest of your body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse the conditioner off your hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure it all washes out.

Shave your armpits and legs, consider shaving your bikini area but then decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and turns water red hot due to loss of pressure. Turn off shower.

Wipe all wet surfaces in the shower area. Spray mould spots with Tilex, get out of the shower and dry yourself with a towel the size of a small African country. Wrap your hair in separate towel, check entire body for any signs of spots, if found attack with tweezers or nails as appropriate.

Return to bedroom, again wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you encounter your husband a second time, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off all your clothes while sitting on the bed and then leave them all in a pile on the floor. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife, shake your knob at her while shouting “Way-hey”.

Look in the mirror, suck in your gut and admire your manly physique. Admire the size of your knob, scratch your bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff – get in shower.

Don’t bother looking for a washcloth you don’t need one. Wash your face, wash your armpits, laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower. Wash your bollocks and the surrounding area, wash your arse leaving hairs in the soap. Shampoo your hair but don’t use conditioner. Make a Mohican hairstyle with the shampoo bubbles. Pull back the shower curtain to see yourself in the mirror, have a piss in the shower.

Rinse yourself off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice the water all over the floor caused by the shower curtain being outside the bath for the whole shower. Partially dry off, look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire the size of your knob again. Leave shower curtain open and the wet bath mat on the floor, leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with tower around waist leaving wet footprints on the carpet. If you pass your wife pull off tower, grab knob, say “Yeah baby” and thrust pelvis towards her.

Put on yesterday’s clothes.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Answers

APpallingly sexist!

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001

Have seen before but still great fun!

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001