If your most prized possession was destroyed, and you knew the perpetrator?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Answers

you've not lost your virginity again Rik ?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Nope

What's your most prized possession? Your car, your house, your signed NUFC shirt? Mine is none of these and now it's ruined. I'm gutted.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

If say the known perpetrator was one `Alston Girlie` Rik your actions would be severely limited unless you can arrange a "Doorstep Challenge with Dale Wanton or Chain Ritchie , prize kecks or shart demolished in the wash is it?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Hmmm..... everything I own is replaceable... might cost a wedge but still no real loss... everything that is except my guitars. Sure they could be replaced but those guitars are mine and are therefore unique.

If someone trashed them then it would depend on whether it was deliberate or not. Accidents happen. If it was deliberate then ... (sorry, this bit had to be cut ... Ed)

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

If it was deliberate Rik I'd get a good aliby and get some mates to kick seven shades of shit out of the perpetrator.

Or you could go the right way and take them to court, but naturally that depends on your evidence and the intrinsic value of the property.

I take it you can't tell us the 'possession', or how you know who did it?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I'd forget about the perpetrator, fiddle the insurance claim and have a nice holiday.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Rik, if you know the perp , spread some disinformation around that you know will reach his ears, and let things take there course, make em sweat , forget the body , beat the mind and then move in .

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

punch inside the head,

rik, if someone has ripped up your simpsons sticker book then its really early beds for a week mate

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Ok, last night I stuck my two dogs in the kitchen utility room so that I could have a bit .... of privicy.

I can't remember letting them out , but they were out when I went into the kitchen this morning. When I went through into the utility room , I saw the damage that had been done.

My 2 month old Mizuno golf bag that had cost my missus a hundred quid for my birthday had had one of the pockets shredded by one of the dogs. In a rage I ran after the younger dog, as that's the one that had chewed wor lasses most comfortable shoes a few months ago. It ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. When I started wacking it, it pissed all over the quilt. My missus wasn't too plesaed as she was under the quilt. I picked it up and through it out (through the back door not the upstairs window). All during breakfast I was in a bad mood. The dog was hiding in the Garden when I left for work, and Pualine says it onlycame in when I had gone to work.

On second thoughts it would probably have been better not to hit the dog, but I was gutted as my prized possesion had been ruined.

Now though, I've a dog that hates me for hitting it, a wife that hates me for making more work for her (re:- the quilt)and three kids that now think I'm a monster.

Gotta go home soon and face them.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Never hit a dog.....ever.....

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Face it mate, you were no good at golf, Pauline hasn't had anything that kinky in bed since Gav was last around when you were at work and the kids had no respect for you anyway. Second thoughts, pop round the pound and get some new ones, dogs that is. :-)

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

One consolation Rik - you've given us all something to smile about this afternoon. The dog was obviously jealous of the golf bag, you've been bestowing far too much love and affection on an inanimate object and not enough on a pal who'll stay loyal to the end.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

...and Gav's right, shout blue murder at the poor bugger but don't hit him.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Sorry

Looks like I'll have to take some anger management classes. Mind you if a Rottwieller had hold of my leg, i'd think it would be difficult just to shout at it and hope it would let go.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

ok, you can hit a dog if its biting someone who means it no harm...

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Looks like we have combined two threads. USA/UK/RIK launch attack on Afghans.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Waddya mean don't kick the dog? Kick the mutt and it'll soon learn. Bit like women, really.

Hat, coat...

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

This sounds mega-expensive Rik. Forget replacing the golf bag - just drape a cool towel over the missing pocket - it won't make your game any worse ;-) But the chocs, champagne & flowers for AG won't come cheap. And the kids. Well, that's not going to be easy, but a trip to Flamingoland and Toys'R'Us will go a long way to appeasing them. Cleaning the quilt won't do. You'll have to buy a complete new set, re-decorate the whole bedroom to match and probably a new carpet (might help you decide if the dog had cr@pped on that). Oh yes, and the booze to console yourself.

Dogs? Don't you just love 'em. Just as Fred & Doug the trouble they can casue ;-)

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Me, spending money? You know me better than that . I'll gan round to the butchers for a bone for the dog. Get 3 curly wurly's for the bairns for the newsagents. A bottle of almost out of date wine from my cousins everything a pound shop on Rudyard Street and a tube of bostik from my shops stock.

The worst bit will be putting the quilt in the bath and treading on it bare feet until it's clean. Hmmm perhaps my mum will can be persuaded to come round and help out with that one, she's got nowt else to do on her 76th birthday.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

I suppose you could skin your mutt, use part of it to patch the bag and be left with a nice headcover.

NB no animals were hurt in the typing of this post

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Rik, you could always sell the film rights to this tale to Disney - must be worth a few bob. Just to be incredibly boring for a minute...we bought a half price quilt in the Debenhams sale this weekend. Can't remember if there's a Debenham's in the Toon mind.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Talking about headcovers ...... I'm getting a talking Bart Simpson one off my missus. She thought it would cheer me up.

Yep, she's right, can't wait to get home now.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Your prize Mizuno wasn't in heat by any chance, was it Rik ?

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

Am I the only person who is impressed that Rik is more concerned about his damaged golf bag than what his missus is likely to do to him for making the dog piss on her???? She must be a very tolerant (or kinky) lady.....

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2001

My Missus is very tollerent, being married to me for 15 years she has to be.

Any way, it's all sorted now. A tube of bostick and lots of sewing last night fixed the bag up, It's a bit battle scarred but I made a decent job with my needle and thread. The Quilt is soaking in the bath, no real damage there. The dog seems to have forgotton me as have the kids, who never mentioned the incident. I'll even be getting a present off my wife, a talking simpsons headcover off E bay. I bet my playing pals will be well chuffed listening to that before they take thier shots. All in all a happy ending.

-- Anonymous, October 10, 2001