I was raised in the Catholic church and wanted to get married in the Catholic church, but my fiance at the time was not interested and so I got married outside of the church. My marriage only lasted 18 months, my husband left divorce papers on the doorstep one day and since the divorce I never have heard from him again. I am considering getting married again, but this time in the Catholic church to a man that is not a Catholic. What do I need to do in order to be married in the Catholic church this time? Do I need to have my previous marriage annulled? I have absolutely no contact with my ex and do not know if he needs to be aware or have consent if I need to have an annulment at this later date. What are my options?

-- Melissa Farmer (melissaofoz@aol.com), October 08, 2001

Answers

Jmj

Hello, Melissa.

You asked, "What are [your] options?"
My impression is that you realize that what you did before was very wrong and you want to do only what is right this time. If I have understood correctly, then you have only one option:
You need to speak to your Catholic pastor as soon as possible, to explain what has happened in the past and what you seek to do in the future. He will help you prepare the necessary papers to send to the marriage tribunal (Church court) so that they can examine the case and (almost certainly) issue a Declaration of Nullity. He will also help you to get involved in marriage preparations, which take three to six months in most dioceses.

The reason I believe that yours is a simple, clear-cut case [and probably one that will not extend beyond six months] is the fact that, as a Catholic, you were not free to marry outside the Church without your bishop's permission. (I assume that you did not obtain that.) Therefore, your attempt at marriage was void, invalid due to "lack of canonical form."

In fact, since you know that it was invalid, Melissa, it would be good for you to speak and write with language that makes this clear.
For example ... In your message, above, you wrote, "I got married outside of the church. My marriage only lasted 18 months, my husband left divorce papers on the doorstep one day and since the divorce I never have heard from him again. I am considering getting married again."
But in reality, Melissa, you did not "get married" outside the church. You only participated in a wedding ceremony in which you unsuccessfully attempted to be married. It wasn't a "marriage" that "lasted 18 months," but an "invalid union." The man who "left divorce papers" wasn't really your "husband," for God did not really join him to you. And finally, you are "considering getting married" for the first time, not "again."

I realize that what I have written may be jarring to your "inner ear," but I think that it is something important for you to think about. Understanding Christian marriage better this time is something that can help you not to make another mistake, and can lead you into a fruitful, stable, happy life with the man you love.

God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), October 08, 2001.