Lighten Up Timegreenspun.com : LUSENET : Unk's Wild Wild West : One Thread
Lot of serious stuff goin on recently. More edges than even "normal" showing up here. I offer a respite. Some of this shit is older than some posters here but if you havn't heard it it's funny.
THE DOGS THEY HAD A PARTY
The dogs they had a party. They came from near and far. Some dogs came by taxi and some dogs came by car. Each dog signed his name upon a special hook and each dog hung his asshole upon a special hook.
One dog was not invited and this aroused his ire. He roared into the party and loudly shouted FIRE! The dogs got all excited and each forgot to look but grabbed the nearest asshole from off the nearest hook.
And that's why dogs roam, over land or sea or foam, they sniff each others assholes in hopes they'll find their own.
Two job applicants both qualified to fill a meaningless corporate hole are prey to a perverse manager. Commands both the college grad and the dropout to compose a poem ending Timbuktu. Best poem wins.
Grad: Blazing sun, burning sands. Arabs in a caravan. Laden camels two by two, destination Timbuktu.
Dropout: Me and Tim to camp we went. Met three girls in a tent. Since they were three and we were two I bucked one and Tim bucked two.
THE GIFT: (definately older than most here)
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long after careful consideration decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note. Romantic but not to personal.
Accomapnied by his sweethart's younger sister he went to Penny's and bought a pair of fur lined gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweethart got the panties. He included the following note with his gift.
" I chose this because I realized that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons but she wears the shorter ones that are easier to remove.
"These are a delicate shade but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the last two weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she really looked smart.
"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
"When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday nite.
All my love, Carlos
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.
-- Carlos (firstname.lastname@example.org), October 02, 2001
My dog penned this little gem the other day......
Roses are red Violets are blue Sometimes I drink From the toilet
-- Deano (email@example.com), October 02, 2001.
my dog can lick its own balls and has the nerve to grin about it!!! Ohhh, the injustice of it all!
-- I_love_rottweilers (firstname.lastname@example.org), October 02, 2001.