eat shit and die...?greenspun.com : LUSENET : Current News : One Thread |
Ok, it's my own fault. I was eating a chocolate covered doughnut that that was in the same baggie as a powdered sugar doughnut on my way to work. I didn't have time to finish all the crumbs and pieces left in the baggie, so I left them in the truck.I got off work very late at night in the pitch black darkness. In the dim light of the truck cab, I spied a large chuck of chocolate doughnut with a frosting of powdered sugar on it on the seat.
I popped it in my mouth. Shortly thereafter, I became aware that the "doughnut" had the consistency and general flavor of mud.
I spat it out and looked it over. I sniffed it.
It was chicken poop. A big chicken poop.
Am I going to die? Of fecal coliform? Or just embarrassment? I've been feeling puny lately anyway, and this episode makes me ill just to think of it, so I can't tell if I'm dying or just malingering.
Any symptoms I should watch for?
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
Yeah, if you have a chicken shit infection you'll notice you are afraid of everything now, especially hawks.
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
helen, dear, it hasn't escaped our attention that these things only seem to happen to you...
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
I can tell you this: eating chicken shit will not exacerbate diabetes.
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
Helen,Sorry to hear about your diet changes. YIKES!
I think that you'll be okay as long as you don't start to grow feathers. Seriously, I think that if you were going to become very ill you would be feeling it now. If you want to make sure, call your doctor's office and ask.
Sheeps
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
There's a lesson here, that there is ALWAYS time to finish the crumbs and pieces. Anyone needing a demonstration, let me know!
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
FYI...if the shit hits the fan ... it didn't really taste bad. Kind of bland. Kind of smooth and creamy. When I find the chicken responsible...
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
Oh my HELEN!!!! you poor-poor thing!!! I am sitting here holding my sides and wiping the tears streaming down my face, and all the while GAGGING at the thought of having IT in your mouth!!!!!(you say it isn't all that bad...in a pinch??? brahahahahahahaha!!!) I was thinking you were going to find MAGGOTS in the bag...I really DON'T know what is worse!
-- Anonymous, October 01, 2001
Oh I'd take chicken shit over maggots any day.
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
thought this would go good here.....Sales Crap
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
helen...
there's something that you can "get" from being around bird poop
i think it's more of an "airborne" disease.....in other words, you breath it in
but i'd sure check with a doctor
hmmmm....found this while looking to see if i could find the disease i was thinking of
here's the LINK
(snip)
While there are a number of diseases which can be transmitted by companion birds, many are more likely to be transmitted by poultry or wild birds.
The following diseases in birds which are of reasonable significance include: Chlamydiosis (Psittacosis) , Salmonellosis, Campylobacteriosis, New Castles Disease, Allergic Alveolitus, Mycobacteriosis (Avian Tuberculosis), Influenza, Giardia, and Cryptosporidiosis.
(end snip)
better to be safe and at least inquire
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
btw.....i was doing ok with the tale till you said
"smooth and creamy"
(((((shudder)))))
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
I prefer mine with nuts. Guess that would be the rooster.
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
Brooks,GROSS!
;)
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
I came back to check on your thread, and am still chuckling!
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
I'm reminded of a story (which may date back to my junior high days) featuring an older brother and a younger brother.Older brother: "If you give me your allowance, I'll give you some of my wiser pills, will make you wise."
Little brother: "Hey, these taste like rabbit pellets."
Older brother: "See, you're wiser already."
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
---Chlamydiosis (Psittacosis) , Salmonellosis, Campylobacteriosis, New Castles Disease, Allergic Alveolitus, Mycobacteriosis (Avian Tuberculosis), Influenza, Giardia, and Cryptosporidiosis.---Oh...oh...I feel faint...
Seriously, only a fever and a tremendously sore throat...that's going around...lots of people have it...couldn't be from anything I ate...
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
No, but it sounds like it might be strep. I remember when my daughter was school age, this was about the time of year we started seeing it pop up. Do you have white patches on your tonsils or back of your throat?Don't let this get away from you; strep is bad stuff that has potentially life threatening complications. Go see a doctor if you have any white patches or if you're not significantly better in a day.
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
If I see a doctor...I don't HAVE to mention the poop, do I?
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
helen, you're familiar with "hair of the dog", aren't you. Since you aren't feeling well, I'm afraid there is only one solution. You must finish what you started.
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
oh...oh...oh...
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
Helen, you could refrain from specifics. Just tell him/her you've been off your "regular feed"... :-)
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
How do I explain the avian coliform cultures...?
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
CONTEST!Find the most logical explanation for chicken-poop germs/parasites/viruses living in my mouth!
The winner gets to write my epitaph too...
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
Tell him you felt like shit, but were too chicken to go to the doctor before.[And get that dome light fixed in your car and roll up your windows.]
sheesh, what idiot goes around leaving their car unlocked these days?
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
Here in the Heartland of America, we idiots leave our windows down because we have no air conditioning in the vehicles. Leaving the windows closed in the brutally hot Heartland sun makes driving a living hell. And besides, where I live, no one ever bothers anything. No one but the $%#! chickens, goats, and mule.Since you have the only entry, you are currently in first place, Barefoot. (Barefoot? What idiot goes around barefoot? You could step on poop and catch something awful.)
-- Anonymous, October 02, 2001
(Barefoot? What idiot goes around barefoot? You could step on poop and catch something awful.)We don't have chickens, goats and mules in the house, or the yard for that matter, in spite of what you read about Miami. LOL
I didn't mean for you to drive around with the windows up, just when you leave the car parked. Next thing you know, there's a gang of chickens going around joyriding in stolen cars, poopin' all over the place.
We used to not have A/C in a previous car. We still rolled the windows up and locked it when it was parked. Then again, we wore seatbelts before it was 'fashionable.' Nowadays I can't stay in my seat when the car is moving without the seatbelt.
Can't imagine leaving the car unlocked either. 'Course that may be a result of someone being in the backseat once, and all the stitches I got as a result of that. Four days in the hospital for what? I only had five bucks on me.
Maybe cars in middle America should have screens on the windows?
-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001
Barefoot, I think you underestimate the abilities of the local fowl to pick old-fashioned car locks. They might start breaking the windows in their frustration.helen, many moons ago I worked weekends as a volunteer in the small veterinary clinic at the Boston Zoo. There was a salmonella scare. One of the nursing staff and her baby had contracted it. Turned out the source was her pet turtle, but at the time we all assumed the source had to be something in the vet clinic, where we tended to house an assortment of displaced zoo residents. (I've discussed Camille, the pygmy hippo, in other threads.)
Anyhoo, we thought it was advisable to check stool samples all around. The idea is that we would label our own sampes with the name of our dog or something, and hope the word didn't get back that, sheesh, so very sorry, but you'll have to put your dog down. Can't you do something like that with your vet?
-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001
Well...I guess I could leave a stool sample with the vet, but I ate it. And my stools aren't the problem anyway, it's my throat.
-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001
helen, I meant YOUR stool sample. (Or did I misunderstand you...?)
-- Anonymous, October 03, 2001
Hey, guess what?The whole family is coming down with the illness I attributed to beans. They're coming down with it one by one, and each gets better before the next comes down with it.
They say lots of people have it around here. Odd incubation period, given that I exposed the whole family at the same time.
No fever before you start throwing up, just afterward.
It wasn't the beans.
The sore throat I have is almost well, so I guess I'm not going to die of the chicken poop.
-- Anonymous, October 04, 2001
kewl! "helenitis"!
-- Anonymous, October 04, 2001