Come, Mr. Taliban, Level me Afghanistan

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I, like many others, have been through the wringer over the last three weeks. I was in Washington on the 11th. I flew into Dulles on the 9th. I have often been in the workplace of one of the individuals who is now in Federal custody (don't know him, just do business with his employer). One of my vendors lost an employee in the WTC. A former co-worker of mine, after escaping from one of the towers, went back inside to save others. He was once an EMT. Now he's missing. A Palestinian-American woman I work with is stressed beyond belief; her brothers' tires have been slashed and their businesses vandalized. And she's as horrified by all this as any other American.

I have grieved about all I can right now. I'm all grieved out. I have to laugh. I hope that others will use this thread to post humor and jokes so that we can, just for a moment, be distracted.

Here's my initial contribution. Fair warning; I have a sick sense of humor. I hope I don't offend anyone, but I have to vent.

DR. SEUSS' NEW RELEASES

1) Osama bin Laden, Will You Please Go Home?

2) The Cat (Stevens) In The Hat

3) One Spy, Two Spy, Dead Spy, Jew Spy

4) Hop On Iraq

5) Horton Hears a BOOM

6) Are You My Imam?

7) And To Think That I Saw It On The Khyber Pass

8) No Eggs Or Ham

9) Fanatics With Automatics

10) Omar Lays An Egg

11) If I Ran Afghanistan

12) Rangers Bring Dangers

13) I Am The Mullah, I Speak For . . . Um . . . Ah . . .

Anyone care to add to that?

-- Already Done Happened (oh.yeah@it.did.com), September 30, 2001

Answers

14) Nothing real can be threatened; nothing unreal exists.

-- Outside Observer (just@passing.through), September 30, 2001.

15) Care to sniff my butt-hole?

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), September 30, 2001.

-- (toofunny@toofunny.fun), September 30, 2001.


I can't help. I have no sense of humor. [It's these shoes, I tell ya!]

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), September 30, 2001.

The Rat Tail is Back, Scientists Say 09/28/01

Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta announced this morning that the rat tail, a dread condition which had been isolated to rural pockets and impoverished cloisters beyond the reach of public health agencies, has surged back into the national health and fashion spotlight.

Citizens of Washington, Oregon, and Idaho have been put on special warning after an outbreak of rat tails in a middle-school cafeteria in a suburb of Seattle following a weekend OzzFest show in the Washington city. The rat tails, thought by school officials to be modeled after one seen in one of the moshpits at the festival, were detected at an early stage of growth and removed, but the CDC does not presume that the time for worry has ended.

"In such an environment as a heavy-metal moshpit, anybody could have come in contact with the rat tail," explained Paul Johanssen, a specialist in rat tails and other heavy metal-related disorders (HMRD) at the CDC. "In moments of weakness, the rat tail can seem impressive. It is then that people, particularly young people may find themselves compelled to decisions they would not normally entertain. This is Phase One of the condition, and the budding rat tail is the only sign that the child is undergoing any change. Parents should be on alert."

A rat tail, if left untreated can lead to the huffing of turpentine and other dangerous chemicals, the installation of "No Fear" decals in the rear windows of pick-up trucks, or in extreme cases, the wearing of T-shirts and decals featuring cartoon characters urinating on Chevy and Ford logos. Ultimately, the disease leads to a life of dim-witted agony, usually punctuated by heavy alimony payments and stints in jail.

The disease is primarily a threat to males between the ages of twelve and twenty-six. Though it has been known to strike males outside of the age range, and to occasionally terribly ravage an unsuspecting female, these tragedies usually only occur within widely-infected communities.

Johanssen said that hospitals, police, and barbers in all cities on the OzzFest tour schedule should be ready to deal with an outbreak. An emergency-response team from the Federal Emergency Management Agency will be visiting the responsible agencies in all of these cities to measure their response capabilities.

A CDC report advises: "We need to pull together to eliminate the possibility of further infections. Parents should talk to their children about rat tails. Teachers have been informed of the danger, and will be doing what they can, but infections are ten times as likely to happen at school as at home, so parental influence is essential. Teachers and school administrators, should an outbreak occur, will be very busy assigning detentions for smoking in the bathroom."

-- Outside Observer (just@passing.through), September 30, 2001.


Most alarming of all is that rat-tails inevitably lead to mullets.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), September 30, 2001.


Osama Yomama!

I Despise Those Guys With Four Wives

Oh, Oh, the Battles You Will Go!

And To Think I Saw It On CNN, As Did the CIA

Iraq, Iran, Hate Them All You Can

Anthrax Me No Questions

Putin Bush? Bin Laden (or is this inappropriate?)

-- Unreel (cometo@tention.net), September 30, 2001.


i really dont know what this site is about but someone talked about rat tails, and it was funny. and then some one said they lead to mullets, which the indeed do. I once had a distant cousin that grew a rat tail thinking that his monster trucking and NASCAR role modles were on to something. but they were all just drunk hicks. I don't know what caused it but his RT eventually spawned a YepNope ( is there hair in the back, YEP, how 'bout on top, NOPE). This caused much greif for me when i saw him at a family gathering. i deducted that his Metalica, SlipKnot, Heavy Metal Rocker, brother caused the 10-90 (10% on top, 90% in back), actually at that point it was more like a 30-70. this made me furious, i told him he looked like an 80's Rocker, and that he should chop it off, and take up safer habits like Gambling or drinking. i think that he listend to me because a picture of his family was sent some time around christmas, and it wasn't there. well i thought that i would intrigue you with my tales of mullets, hope you enjoyed, e-mail me with funny stuff, LAXER77@yahoo.com

-- josh amer (laxer77@yahoo.com), October 30, 2001.

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