To be five miles from Ground Zero (The Ghosts of the WTC)

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What is "getting back to normal"?. It seems to me that the people I speak to that are not within sight of the NY skyline think that we are "getting over it". When they ask me how I feel and I mumble some incoherent language, they ask me what is wrong. There is a distinct difference for us folks close to the wreckage. The language has not yet been invented to put into words what we feel, or how people like myself can deal with the ghosts of the World Trade Center.

Everywhere I go they stare at me. Their pictures are on the windows of the Port Authority in MidTown Manhatten. In the building itself, the faces of the Port Authority cops who lost their lives trying to save lifes are posted on a makeshift memorial.

The lost hopes of the stricken families are on telephone poles, payphones, the outside walls of Grand Central Station, and they have devoured Union Square Park, where thousands of candles, pictures, banners, poems from Adults and Children, moving words from the hearts and souls of hundreds of people, cover every square inch.

And I am so numb I can barely cry. It is like having the dry heaves emotionally. Nothing comes out. And the anguish of the families, of the friends, courses through my being in hurricane force winds that never seem to abate. It is in the air like a sickly fog, a dense cover of moisture that clings to your body and cannot be relieved no matter how many showers you take. The ashes from the rubble, the ashes of the bodies in that pile who were pulverized, vaporized, singed to a crispness bacon cannot acheive, run through my veins.

And then there are the ghosts. The ghosts who have taken over my dreams, the dreams that used to be mine alone, but now I share with them. They are trying to figure out just what the hell happened. They so much want to contact their families, their children, and they cannot. People who spoke to loved ones, who thought they were going to get out, and who ended up as flies on the windsheild on the pavement of New York.

Our piece of mind has been stolen. We cannot escape the effects of the bombing. It is there in the security checks at the Lincoln tunnel. It is there in the hungry, empty mouth of the Holland Tunnel, which remains closed. It is there in the increased gridlock, which in better days merely caused frustration and stress, but which now serve as a grim reminder that our way of life has been changed in a permanent way.

No, we are not just going to get over it. We can attempt to go through our daily routines, showing up for work and going to the ballgame. But we are looking out of the corner of our eyes. We wonder if the Sbarro around the corner from my building is going to end up like the one in Israel. Where will the next bomb be planted? There is a new fear, a fear forged in our hearts that would scratch a diamond. We walk around with false bravado, but you can feel the pain, the sorrow, everyone else's fears, and you cannot walk through it without feeling as if you have stepped on land mines.

No we are not going to just get over it. My wife told me "not to get killed" when I was going on a routine trip down the turnpike. She wakes up in cold sweats , with questions rolling down her cheeks with the water. Our peace of mind is gone. Our city under seige and the ghosts of the WTC, the ghosts who will continue to inhabit the city, continue to let us know how horrible it really was.

And still, the tears come slowly. The gratitude for those who survived a penny in a bankroll of millions.

So if you want to know if we are going to "get over it". The answer is very unlikely. And I ask that you pray for us as you pray for us.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), September 25, 2001

Answers

I can,t help think,how do the Israeli,s LIVE. how many times have we seen the deaths & sorrows in the mid-east on t.v.--and thought'oh well' thats them. we have ''no guarantee of to-morrow'' LORD help us too number our day's''

NOT UNTIL>JESUS RETURN'S-THERE WILL BE NO PERMAMNENT-PEACE & SAFETY.

-- al-d. (dogs@zianet.com), September 25, 2001.


FS, my heart grieves for you and your spouse. You and your wife will be in my prayers. I could not agree more we wont get over it. I for one, will never feel 'at ease' again. God Bless America.

-- sume (I@aint.sayin), September 25, 2001.

Rudy was on Lettermen last night. He talked about going to Shea for the first ball game played after WTC. He described how moving it was that the Mets wore hats from all the groups that so bravely served (Fire Dept, Police, etc). He told of being introduced on the PA and how the crowd gave a standing "O" for 5 minutes. He said he will know when NYC has recovered when they begin to boo him again.

He knows the city is changed permanently but he is an advocate of everyone returning to "normal" life as much as possible. He said that careful thought is being given to what should be done at the WTC site. There is no hurry.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), September 25, 2001.


Bump

-- More (should@read.this), September 25, 2001.

I'm sorry, FutureShock.

-- helen (grief@for.your.sake.alone), September 25, 2001.


PresentShock...

LastingShock...

FutureShock...

-- dinosaur (dinosaur@williams-net.com), September 25, 2001.


FutureShock- I grew up in New York, and no matter where I am it will always be my home. I literally could not believe what happened that day, and so now it hurts even more than then. I feel so intensely connected to the pain, and yet there is no one in particular that I grieve for. The face of the city this week, the loving kindness, is something that was always there. It had to be. I have always felt that wherever we have been in this life, we leave some energy, some spark of ourselves. The place where those buildings came down is looked at as a tragic scene. But it is also the place where the light and beauty of many souls will remain. In time our hearts will heal,and God will welcome home his children. Blessings to you and yours.

-- Grieving (nowhere@everywhere.com), September 26, 2001.

Psychic Damage Explained....

Mahareshi Mahesh Yogi (of Transcendental Meditation fame) claimed that sociological changes could be effected if the square root of 1% of the population in any given area meditated on a regular basis.

I imagine that this proposition also works in reverse...

If the population of NYC is six million and the number of casualties is 6,000+, then they've lost far more than the square root of 1% of their population. (And we're not even considering the concentric circles of personal connections with these people that have been effected.) Is it possible that they have suffered a crippling psychic/spiritual blow from which it may be impossible to recover?

Yes, I'm aware of the daunting fetes accomplished by the human spirit but the reality is that the entire city has collectively had its consciousness shifted into another dimension beyond our previous experience or comprehension.

Expand the numbers and the 6 million Walking Wounded in NYC represent 2% of the USA's inhabitants. Draw your own conclusions....

-- Peanut (Gallery@Nuts.com), September 26, 2001.


When I was a kid, growing up in the ranch country of west Texas, New York City was a pretty scary place. A nebulous territory of street gangs, traffic, smog, and dark subways haunted by muggers. New Yorkers were strange. They spoke differently. They were rude and callous. They would take your money or take your life in a New York minute.

As I grew older, I began to hear rumors of another New York. A place of museums, of plays and art. A place of people, fascinating in a way found nowhere else on earth. A city of sparkling buildings built around a magnificent park. A place of immigrants and opportunities. A place of beginnings.

I guess my point is, that no matter which end of the stereotypical spectrum you’re at, New York City is as purely American as it comes. Whether a waitress in El Paso, a Wyoming cowboy, or working a crab boat out of Chignik, Alaska, in a way we all identify with New York.

The tape player in my dusty old pickup has been stuck on Liza Minnelli and Pavarotti all week, belting out “New York, New York”. And like them, I’m longing to stray; I want to wake up in the city that still doesn’t sleep. I’ll soon take that long anticipated trip to the Big Apple. I’ll eat Italian and Greek food in little neighborhood cafes, learn the name of my hotel doorman, stroll the decadence and glamor of Fifth Avenue. I’ll breathe in the rarefied air of exhaust fumes, bump into people on crowded sidewalks, and get a tourist crick in my neck looking up at skyscrapers.

And somehow, in some way, I’ll give the city a pat on the back. I’ll say thanks; thanks New York, for being the best and worst of all of us, for the grime and the glitter and the gloss. Thank you New York, for being America. Thank you.

-----------------------------------------------------------

-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), September 26, 2001.


I asked my brother yesterday "How are things in the city?" He said "Everyone is pretty down" He went on to describe places where people used to gather to eat their lunches outside, and how those places have been conspiciously empty lately. How he and his friends take a different route then usual when going uptown, so as not to come too close to the Empire State Building.

How you can see in everyones face the stress and sorrow .. how quiet the city is except for the occasional sirens that bring visiting government officials to "the site". How tourists look up not to see how tall the buildings are, but to keep an eye on any planes overhead.

How he doesnt like seeing that gap there, how wrong it feels even with knowing what happened. Like after someone dies you keep expecting to see them for awhile.. He said he still walks out of his apartment and looks down the street hoping to see those buildings again.

He also described street hawkers on every corner selling WTC memorablia and American flags and American "stuff"...and how 90% of the vendors look like Bin Laden..and how that seems funny to him. (Have you seen these vendors, Future? I hear they are price gouging on wtc in a big way)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), September 26, 2001.



Peanut--

Your point on psychic damage notwithstanding, your math sucks.

-- (lars@indy.net), September 26, 2001.


MATH:

NYC population = 6,000,000

1% of 6,000,000 = 60,000

Square root of 60,000 = 249.948

Number of dead - 6,000+ - far exceeds the square root of 1% of the NYC population.

-- Peanut (Gallery@Nuts.com), September 26, 2001.


FS: "And I am so numb I can barely cry. It is like having the dry heaves emotionally. Nothing comes out."

If it is at all possible, try to compartmentalize your grief. Tell yourself that each day you will religiously set aside 20 or 30 minutes, during which time you will feel the fullness of your grief. Clutch it to your heart like a nursing mother. Wail loud. Let hot tears flow. Whatever you feel, spill it like an overturned cup.

Then, at the end of that period, deliberately and conciously turn your thoughts to the mundane, the normal, the immediate. Notice that not every aspect of life has been bruised and battered. The trees are unmoved. The birds are still gulping insects. The clouds are as stately as ever, the rain as wet, the sun as bright. Think about dust bunnies. Or try to imagine what the electrons in the electrical wires look like. Do a jigsaw puzzle with the pieces face down. Anything to redirect your attention back away from the grief.

Then, during the other hours of the day, you will probably function a bit better, without quite as much numbness.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), September 26, 2001.


Peanut--

Very good. Your math does not suck, my reading skills suck.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), September 26, 2001.


Kritter:

I find the exploitation of patriotism so vulgar that I cannot even bring myself to see what these illegal street vendors are charging.

Nipper:

That sounds like a good plan. First thing to overcome is the fear of the grief, which is the major stumbling block. To set aside time for grieving requires the willingness to face the pain and sorrow, however ephemeral they may be.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), September 26, 2001.



Your math does not suck, my reading skills suck.

Believe me, I double-checked the numbers beforehand so eagle-eyes couldn't chastise me. If you read my post before your first cup of coffee, you're excused. It happens to all of us at one time or another.

-- Peanut (Gallery@Nuts.com), September 26, 2001.


Peanut,

The only thing that sucks is your reliance on and/or belief in TM as the answer for anything.

First Deepak Chopra now the Maharishi! Gurus aren't the answer my friend. For instance hasn't the Maharishi been trying to get the square root of one percent of the worlds population to meditate the worlds problems away? Haven't had much success have they?

I read somewhere that they are now trying to meditate terrorism away. Don't think that will work either. If only they could get that levitation thing down. Yeah, that's the ticket.. get them all hopping and the world will magically turn into a better place. UhHuh.

The Maharishi is more interested in attracting money to his bank accounts at his hideway in Holland. That is the true meaning of the Science of Creative Intelligence!

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), September 26, 2001.


I once had a loved one unexpectedly gunned down in front of me. Granted, my experience pales in magnitude to what you may have witnessed but on a small scale I can empathize with your shock, loss and grieving. You are in what I call The Abyss. It's dank, dark and all-encompassing. You probably find yourself going about the business of daily living in a daze, confused how the rest of the world can possibly go on as they are. You feel isolated, removed, in a dimension all your own. Please.....talk, talk, TALK about your feelings until you're sick of hearing yourself speak. Only by talking and sharing can you put some of the demons and horrors to rest. And....allow Time to be your friend.

Remember, this too shall pass. (Although at the moment you can't see how it's possible.) Your remembrances will never entirely fade but over time you'll find a place inside yourself where you can tuck this all away and continue living. You have been changed - of that there is no doubt - but in another place in time the Universe will open up new doors where your experiences and understanding will be valued and cherished.

Peace be with you, brother. If I may be of service and assistance, please feel free to contact me. The e-address is real.

-- Girabaldi (Girabaldi@yahoo.com), September 26, 2001.


The only thing that sucks is your reliance on and/or belief in TM as the answer for anything.

What gave you the misconstrued idea that I had any "reliance" in TM? You're reading far too much into this. I happened to stumble across an interesting concept years ago in my diversified readings and thought it might have some bearing on the topic. You seem to look down on everybody and everything that doesn't subscribe to your exact viewpoint on life. I wonder if you're a "Christian". They have such limited perspectives.

-- Peanut (Gallery@Nuts.com), September 26, 2001.


Peanut,

I was going to post an answer apologizing for misunderstanding your post. However, on further reading I do think you are relying on this crock of horseshit and truly believe in the ramblings of a greedy, decrepit old Indian guru.

You brought up the theory of super radiance and the positive impacts of the square root of one per cent meditating allegedly has. Then you extrapolate the reverse action of the "phsyic/spiritual" blow that the destruction of the WTC has caused New York City. Then you go on to imply that we should draw the conclusion that with the entire cty of New York so affected there will be a negative affect on the entire country. Further when called on the math involved you quickly respond to prove your point. So I do believe that you to some extent buy into or rely on this type of thinking.

You then wrote in response to me:

"You seem to look down on everybody and everything that doesn't subscribe to your exact viewpoint on life. I wonder if you're a "Christian". They have such limited perspectives."

I don't look down on everybody or everything that doesn't subscribe to my viewpoint. In this case it is not worth looking down upon as the entire Super Radiance theory is pure poppycock IMO. I don't even look down on the poor misguided souls who actually believe in this shit. I do have some pity for them but I have no pity for the Maharishi or his lieutenants who reap financial benefits from those lost people who fall into this crap looking for answers to whatever it is they are searching for.

Your response here seems to stretch beyond my immediate post. Unless you have read everything I have posted on this forum I don't believe that you are in a position to comment on the way I approach life or my viewpoints on those who disagree with my opinions. In fact I would say that YOU are the one who is guilty of disparaging those who disagree with YOU. Pot calling the Kettle black I think.

Not that it really is any of your business but I do not describe myself as a CHRISTIAN (therefore having limited perspective) in the sense you obviously are using. I prefer to describe myself as an "excommunicated sinner" and I doubt I'm one of the 144,000 that will be saved. Does that mean that I am now "enlightened".

I had better stop now before you accuse me of creating ripples in the "Unified Field". Jai Guru to you.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), September 27, 2001.


Jack - There's a saying that unquestionably pertains to you: "Taking life too seriously is a sign of an impending breakdown."

My post was nothing more than Food For Thought...some factoids for conjecture...grist for the mill. I was simply wondering aloud. Nothing more, nothing less. Now please sit down and relax. You're going to give yourself a stroke.

-- Peanut (Gallery@LOL.com), September 27, 2001.


I had better stop now before you accuse me of creating ripples in the "Unified Field"

Wrong concept, Budzo. According to Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect, the anger, frustration, hostility and negative energy you've expressed here has, indeed, created a ripple in the fabric of time. Interesting how science and the "unified field" speak to the same concept, ain't it?

-- Peanut (Gallery@EnlightenedMasters.com), September 27, 2001.


Can you guys take your fight to another room?

: )

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), September 27, 2001.


I wish to address several interesting O/T posts contained in this thread, only not here IN this thread. I might do so in a new thread. If so I'll post the link here. I think so highly of FutureShock's initial piece that I can't bring myself to contribute to the continued loss of focus from his post.

My on topic comments: This past Saturday I made my first trek into lower Manhattan since the events of 9/11. During the course of that day I was afforded glimpses of some of the things FutureShock writes about. I live maybe 20 miles from NYC and have felt a certain escalation in the intensity of emotions and energy of others, psychically speaking, since the tragedy. That Saturday morning I drove to a friend's house, also on the NJ side of the Hudson, but nearer NYC than the location of my residence. My short drive up the NJ Turnpike was like a funhouse ride with a sense of fear and dread and confusion - not my own so far as I could tell - becoming magnified as my proximity to Manhattan Island grew.

We took a bus into Port Authority and the psychic noise played like a thousand unknown tunes, one indistinguishable from another. A subway ride south and we two were accompanied by hundreds, thousands of I don't know what to call them. Pieces of them were just there with us. FS tags them ghosts. That's as good an identifier as any. Remnants of people who once were. Energy traces left behind by those who left us that day forever etched in our hearts and minds? Perhaps.

Following a few hours spent down on the lower east side, we hopped a subway up to Times Square, where I witnessed those photos that FS described, plastered everywhere I looked. Each photo posted seemed alive. Each reverberated with the love and pain of those who posted them. Street vendors hawked their wares and tourists scooped up American flags, t-shirts & framed pictures of those great twins who graced that skyline for nearly three decades.

The word is INTENSE. Beyond anything I've experienced in sheer intensity.

I do not commute into Manhattan for work, thank goodness. The radio traffic reports here are constantly changing - Holland Tunnel still closed to all traffic; Lower deck of the George Washington Bridge closed due to police activity, Upper deck open for the time being; Single passenger vehicles barred below 62nd street 6am-12pm; Goethals Bridge closed; Brooklyn Bridge closed to vehicular traffic...On and on like somebody's continuously pulling on a one-armed bandit. When will we next hit the jackpot, I wonder. I don't get the sense it will occur anytime soon.

FutureShock, that's as fine a first person account as any I've read. For your sake, for ALL our sakes, I wish to God it were fiction.

My best to you, my friend.



-- Rich (living_in_interesting_times@hotmail.com), September 27, 2001.


Thanks, Rich.

-- FutureShock (gray@matter.think), September 28, 2001.

I've responded to some of the posts from this thread over on Who is closer to God: the Dali Lama or the Pope?

FS: You're welcome. :)

-- Rich (living_in_interesting_times@hotmail.com), September 28, 2001.


FS I wrote this over a week ago, and debated whether I should post it. A re-read of it and in view of daily circumstances, it still holds the same value as when I wrote it. Especially in light of all the other negative, unproductive thoughts on this board of late. I still feel the same way:

FutureShock, first let me thank you, for sharing your current reality with us. Truly, I can feel the onslaught of your daily, constant pain. And there is no "normal" anymore. You are right, those of us not facing the constant visual reminders, cannot even begin to experience the psychic onslaught it must bring to you daily. No wonder you merely mumble thoughts aloud. I don't think I would be able to verbalize a sentence myself. What is truly amazing and a gift, is that you are able to share it with others. Thank you for sharing your observations and insights with us. It helps us to understand, in some small way, although we can have barely a concept, really, of your experience, but just a small taste of your moment to moment deluge of emotions, through your words. It is indeed overwhelming for you and your family and neighbors, as it is for the rest of us. You must face it moment to moment, as you travel the streets. It is present here, too, (in our psyches) on the opposite side of the country, but it is not as much "in your face" everyday, only existing in our psyche, as an ever constant presence, of the safety we once felt, as it no longer exists for any of us. It is present in all our minds, and at the forefront, ever at the forefront. You view the pictures on your daily rounds, we view them in our heads, as well as keep them and their families in our prayers. I cannot fathom the onslaught you must feel as you attempt to resume some sense of normalcy. None of us will ever have normalcy again. I think we all know this, in our hearts. If it brings you any comfort, please know that you are not alone, although it may feel like it. Sharing this same small planet you know well we are connected, in more ways than one. Getting over it is not to be, as much as we all wish it were possible. Please know that I pray for you and your family, as well as the rest of our country, and our world. If there is any way I can help, please let me know, won't you friend. Know that I care.

-- Aunt Bee (Aunt__Bee@hotmail.com), October 03, 2001.


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