An odd question for a forum like this, but............ for the past year or so my daughter and her friend have been receiving phone calls from an unidentified person. We feel it is someone they know and they have not been threatened. They had about stopped and she and her friend went away to college a couple of hours away, but now they have gotten their phone numbers at college and are calling again and sending flowers etc. (to her friend). I have a friend who is the ex-police chief who could guide me, but my question tonight is this: they got a roommate's phone who had caller ID so we have the phone number. It is not in the same town they are in, but in our hometown. Our phone book has a cross reference, but this number is either too new or unlisted. We are hesitant to call and tip them off, can't call the phone company tonite and don't want a big hassle with them. Can I use the computer to plug in a phone number and match it up with a name? If so, how?

-- connie in nm (karrelandconnie@msn.com), September 16, 2001

Answers

Connie, You could do a reverse look up at www.infospace.com but if it is a new or unlisted number it might not work. If these harrasing phone calls have been going on for a year it would be better if you called the Police. Good Luck!

-- Mark in N.C. Fla. (deadgoatman@webtv.net), September 16, 2001.

Doesn't matter if the calls are threats or not. This is still harassment. Call your police department, and talk to an investigator. Give them the information you have about the caller. If you have kept a diary of dates and times of the calls, be sure and show that to them. If you haven't, start. Also, those flowers had to be paid for somehow. The police can get a subpeona and find out how, and by whom. They can also get a subpoena to trace the calls coming into your daughter's phone. This can all lead up to a harassment charge against the caller. At the very least your daughter can get a restraining order. She might want to start with an unlisted number. Good luck.

-- Julie (rjbk@together.net), September 16, 2001.

Call your phone provider and ask if there is a number you can punch in (#__) when you receive a call like that. If memory serves me, there's a number you can punch in and after three such calls the info will be sent to the local police department for investigation. Please tell the girls not to take a chance. Too many crazies in this world.

-- Grannytoo (jacres40@hotmail.com), September 16, 2001.

The person who has been doing this is definitely not normal. We assume an unspoken hopeless unrequited passion, and it may be harmless. However, we don't know, and we don't know what may happen in the future if the (presumably hopelessly besotted) person becomes frustrated, and their mental state deterioriates. Having the phone number may not help all that much either - they may be waiting until they can get anonymous access to other people's phones. I don't think you'd have got the phone number if it was formally unlisted - such numbers usually (at least here) have calling number display blocked. It's more likely to be one of a block of phone-lines going through some company switchboard. It may take investigative police work to find out who is doing it. You presumably don't want to come down hard on this poor benighted soul; but a quiet talking to in conjunction with a restraining order seems to be indicated: they may be harmless, but it's a source of worry - a harassment - which would be better stopped. I'd definitely talk to your friend with the police contacts, and be guided by him.

-- Don Armstrong (from Australia) (darmst@yahoo.com.au), September 16, 2001.

Connie, In our area we can dial star 67 to block our number when we call someone. If you have that option you might have your daughter block, then call the number you obtained to see if she recognizes the person that answers. The options are listed in front of our phone book. I don't know if this works long distance or not, but your local phone company can tell you. I had harassing calls for six years from someone I know until caller id came into our area. I used this feature to identify the caller. Good luck :) tang

-- tang (tang@mtaonline.net), September 17, 2001.

Flowers are not good in this situation. Call the police. Have her write down the time of the calls and what was said or what happened. Write down everything. The person who is doing the calling will escalate their efforts, they usually do. This needs to be stopped ASAP before it gets worse. Plus, writing everything down, date, time, etc. will help in prosecution. It happened to me and I did all of these things and still had a hard time having the person prosecuted, but got it done. Contact the phone company also (the police will usually ask you to do that also) and have whatever service needed installed on the phone line to assist police (tracer, *69). And, tell them to be safe.

-- JoAnn in SD (jonehls@excite.com), September 17, 2001.

*69 will not give you the number--it will just dial it back, and you already have the number.

Along with those who have told you to call the police, what your daughter and friend should do is move, WITHOUT filing a change of address. It is a pain, but individually notify everyone necessary. Then get a PO Box instead of street delivery to the new address.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), September 17, 2001.

Turn this matter over to the police, and do it now. They can get a court order to trace the number even if it is unlisted.

This matter may well be harmless...or NOT.

-- Ed Copp (OH) (edcopp@yahoo.com), September 17, 2001.