So that I have no more freakouts like last night, this is officially the cheerful thread. Tell cheerful stories and silly jokes here.

At the office we have now reached bleak-joke stage. From my co-worker Xander: "From now on, hummus will be known as 'victory chickpea spread.'"

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Answers

Here's something cheerful: my father-in-law emailed me to say how glad he is that I'm OK.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

My cousin called me today to tell me that there would be a bell- ringing at Agnes Scott today (the bell has all kinds of significance for ASC-ers). I started laughing when she told me what time the bell- ringing was: 11:50.

I swear, living at Agnes Scott was like living in the TBS Superstation - nothing happens at noon, or five, 11:45. They always choose the oddest times for things.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

By the way, T, your description of the pee pee dance gave me the only good laugh I had yesterday.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

I swear, when I was waiting to get off that plane on Tuesday night, I experienced some of the worst physical pain of my life. It was harder to walk off that plane than it was to walk out of Emory after I had my surgery, exceot when I was at Emory, I had plenty of Oxycontin.

Oh, here's a funny Tuesday morning story:

I was all nervous about my first client meeting, and I was packing my hotel room up in a hurry. When we arrived at the meeting, I opened my leather portfolio to take notes. I immediately slammed the portfolio shut. See, in my hurry to leave the hotel, a pair of thong panties had somehow made it into the portfolio. When I went to take notes, they were there for the whole room to see. Yup.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's something cheerful: The MOC celebrates a birthday tomorrow!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

See, T, they were probably all reassured that they were dealing with a woman sensible enough to avoid panty lines. Thongs=Business Sense.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Mercifully, it was a basic, flesh-toned thong. Even more mercifully, it was Calvin Klein, so the clients know that I have a little bit of class.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Man. The ex-lady of leisure has Calvin Klein thongs and I've got cotton thongs that might as well have KMART written across the front. Blue Light Special, right here.

How to recover from a mass disaster: Step 1. Discuss your underwear in detail.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

WG, believe me, there are much worse thongs in the thong drawer that I could have had in the portfolio. Thank heaven I did laundry this weekend, is all I'm saying.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

"God bless the chickpea." DrWhoever as played by George Clooney, Friends

Speaking of Xanders, let's talk about my dog. Because I love my dog.

He has this new thing of sort of talking to us in this combination of groan and howl that is the funniest damn thing you have ever heard.

"Xander, off the bed." "Groooaammmph?" "Bwahahahahaaaa! No, seriously, off the bed." "Grroooooammmpppph?"

How the hell can you keep a straight face and discipline a dog that sounds like he's asking you, "Whhhhyyy? It's so comfy!!!"

Plus I've been cracking myself up the last two days when people discuss giving blood. "I can't give blood because I have the consumption. I got it from the damp." Gallows humor but it amuses me. It is the funny.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Most of my office can't give blood because they lived in Britain and/or Ireland between 1980 and 1996. They are apparently at risk of having the mad cow.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Speaking more of Xanders, I have officially moved to the dark side that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I fully blame Lyn Never for this.

*Buuuuuuuuufffffyyyyy!!!!*

Buffy was the only thing Master V and I turned off the news for these past few nights. It was a welcome respite from the sadness. We, uh, rented the box set. Now I am all impatient because we have to wait until Sept. 24 when the syndication begins.

Also in cheerful news, I think I might be a gymnastics coach. I had an interview yesterday, and it went so well they want me to come back today! Whee!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

By the way, AB, I just went to the Jews for Jesus church down the street for the nationwide prayer service and part of the sermon concentrated on John 11:35, and I thought of you.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

I am sorry, WG, but that is not cheerful, and you must not post it in this thread. Now go sit in the corner.

And, aw.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

AB, I'm glad you've joined us on the Buffy bandwagon. You have approximately six months to rise from Buffy Novitiate ("Who's Kendra?") to Buffy Apprentice ("Faith rocks!") to Buffy Apostle ("Season __ was better. This season just sucks. I can't believe they changed ______.") Contentment is not an option.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

The mad cow. Hee.

There are people who don't know who Kendra is? Sacriledge.

Lately we have been trying to figure out if Xander is an American Cocker Spaniel or an English. His head and coat seem more English. Which leads me to believe we should have gone with Giles, my first instinct. He's so goofy and dumb though I'm glad we went with Xander. I can't imagine Giles wiggling his butt so hard it's in danger of coming off.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

T, did you ever end up dealing the Oxy, or did Mr. Pharmacist Rock Star show you the error of your ways?

Come to think of it, why doesn't Mr. PRS ever post here?

He's the Quiet Pharmacist Rock Star.

The Only Quiet Pharmacist Rock Star.

Dammit. P comes before Q. Can he be the Only Pharmacist Quickly Rocking the Southwest and Texas?

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

My Mom and I always have trouble getting through security at SEATAC airport. We never pass through without getting wanded. She called me today and told me we were going to have to do our part to help with airport security and passenger delays. We will now fly braless. (Cuz we both wear underwire bras. BTW, I am 40 and you can do the math to figure out moms age. It's all about giving for the cause, yall.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Mr. OPQRS is an enigma. He will come when the call, uh, calls him.

And, duh. I know who Kendra is. Hee.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Dan Quayle is speaking on Fox News. Interesting.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Ms. Stephanie, you just cracked my shit up. I now know the new Delta slogan: It's Cold in Here -- And It Shows.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Mr. OPQRS Truly, Undeniably Vexes Women.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

. . . Vexes Women such as Xena. (Ye Zeus!)

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Y'all are funny.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Keep the jokes coming -- according to the AirTran website, my boy is in the air right now.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

I'm usually not very witty - it must be the Oxycontin talking.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Yay! The Smoker called me from Dallas. Of course, he called ten seconds after I heard that Atlanta might have been a target, so I was near-hyperventilating, but he called me down.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Today I got the best treat! This little brown envelope came in the mail.

I'm not telling you what was in that plain brown wrapper, but it was from Ohio, and you know the deviants that live in that state o' hooligans.

Love you, HannahBeth! You not only made my day, but My Partner With Whom I Live In Sin was tickled, too.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Let it be known that I am here!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Yay! Robyn, I'm so glad you got it.

The rest of y'all let me know when you get yours, ya hear? Especially you Paranoid McSillyperson.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

I no get nothing from Columbus. Make me cry, be sad.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2001

AB! So far only 2 people have reported getting them. Yours on way, so no crying.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2001

Oh, that's something to look forward to. Yay.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2001

I gots mines in the brown paper wrapper. (man I miss DC)

-- Anonymous, September 15, 2001

T, BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Thank you so much. I so needed that.

Okay, is there a suss going out on the Hannah notify that I have missed for being offline? That sucks.

-- Anonymous, September 16, 2001

The USPS has decided to exercise its long-held vendetta against me this week. Not only did my rent check get mysteriously lost, but I have received no little packages from Ohio in the mail yet.

But maybe today . . .

-- Anonymous, September 17, 2001

Quote of the Day:

" . . . and from what you tell me, I would put him and Osama bin Laden in an Iron Cage Match any day of the week." -- my friend Lawrence on my boyfriend.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 2001

I got my little brown paper package. Thanks, HB. And as, requested, I'm finally showing my face in these here forums.

For my cheerful note, I finally got a paycheck to cover the one that bounced a couple weeks ago and threw me into financial turmoil. I'm now, well, at least in a positive bank balance. I'd still like the other two paychecks they owe me, though.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2001

Yay! Fred's here! Let the deep-fried food eating commence!

Fred makes me laugh. That's cheerful. Thus, this post is on-topic. Don't argue with me.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2001

Me too! Yay for the Fredman!

All I have to do is slightly think about our Wilson Phillips serenade and I get unstoppable giggles.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2001

H, did you get my email telling you I got my little brown package?

(I swear, any more mentions of little brown packages and the DEA is going to join us.)

And hi, Fred!

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2001

All I have to do is slightly think about our Wilson Phillips serenade and I get unstoppable giggles.

Ah yes. That was a beautiful thing.

On another cheerful note (that makes it related to the thread. See how I stay on topic?), I put together a crude mix CD of the karaoke songs from that trip. From "She Bangs" to "You don't bring me flowers" to "Eat it". It makes me smile every time I put it in. Of course, y'all sing much better than the original artists.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2001

On another cheerful note (that makes it related to the thread. See how I stay on topic?), I put together a crude mix CD of the karaoke songs from that trip. From "She Bangs" to "You don't bring me flowers" to "Eat it". It makes me smile every time I put it in. Of course, y'all sing much better than the original artists.

Hah! That rocks.

When I was in Pamplona, one of the bands covered "She Bangs", and all I could think of was Tong's Palace.

-- Anonymous, September 19, 2001

I just have to say i think this is the funniest web site ive ever been on...i was reaserching something for my math class and this site came up for some reason and i had the best time reading it. You all made me laugh even though i had no idea what you were talking about! Thank you!

-- Anonymous, January 11, 2002