Amazing the amount of misinformation during the height of chaos, which is the main reason I'm posting this. Looking back, I feel as though I was in some kind of control center, getting my reasonably accurate news from you guys off the Internet. Still some inaccuracies, but nothing like what this woman (one of our secretaries) went through. At any rate... (I took the liberty of throwing in some paragraphs to make it easier to read. It's most one long run-on account, which is also an indication of her personal befuddlement during this time.)

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The thing that has been helping me the most to deal with the events of Tuesday is hearing other people's stories. I've been pretty much keeping my story to myself except for people who ask me about it first because I don't want to cause more pain. But, knowing how much it has helped me to hear other's stories, I wanted to share my story with you. I was actually in the Pentagon when the plane hit. I get to work by taking the bus to the Pentagon Metro and then the Metro to work here at our DC office.

I walked through the turnstile at the Pentagon Metro at 9:37 on Tuesday morning. I was standing on the far end of the platform when I heard someone shouting. Not knowing anything about the earlier events of the day, I figured it was some drunk person and didn't pay attention.

A minute or so later, the train arrived. But at that exact moment, everyone started running away in the opposite direction. I decided to run too and realized I was the last person on the platform with this person who, since everyone was running, I assumed had a gun and had threatened to hurt someone. I was relieved to be able to get off the platform safely but I found the only other person who had still been in the station running behind me. Thinking I had someone with a gun chasing me, I ran faster, got outside, and everyone was still running.

Outside the Pentagon, there's a parking lot and lots of traffic barriers. So we had to run in a straight line past the Pentagon. The man in front of me looked up and said, "Oh my God." I looked up in the direction he'd been watching and discovered that the sky was bright blue behind me and dark with smoke ahead of me. I asked someone why we were running in the wrong direction. They said, "That's the direction it came from." I didn't know what that meant. I thought the building was on fire but asked someone wearing a Metro t-shirt what had happened. He said the World Trade Center had been hit.

I got a sick feeling and knew something was wrong but didn't quite know what yet. I said, "Terrorists?" not even half believing that could possibly be true. He said, "We think so." But I just couldn't believe that. I mean, I always thought that the Pentagon would be one of the safest buildings anywhere. If the Pentagon could be attacked, nowhere was safe. And I just couldn't believe that. How could that happen? (I asked someone later about that and was told by a stranger I met - "Didn't the Pentagon have some strange force around it to keep things like that from happening?" I didn't want to tell him he'd been watching too much Star Trek. It would be great to think that perhaps it does.)

Anyway, I got to the end of the line in front of the traffic and the person directing traffic shouted somewhat crazily, "You all have to get out of here. If you keep standing around here, you're stupid. (A group of people had gathered to watch.) There are more bombs coming. You have to get out of here! It's going to explode." So I kept running. I found myself under the bridge and "knew" the building was going to explode at any second and I'd probably be trapped under the bridge.

Not thinking I had enough time, I continued to run and thought I was lucky to have made it out from there. I got across the street and was told at the hotel that all the phones were down. I asked an important-looking woman if she knew what had happened. She said, "The World Trade Center was hit 45 minutes ago. USA Today has been hit in Rosslyn. They have control of our air waves and are directing pilots to fly at lower altitudes than they actually are." I knew they didn't have any idea of where this was all coming from or these things would never have happened. Someone pointed out that they'd hit finance, defense, and the news in an hour and, not knowing how we could stop them before more events occurred, I began to feel as though the world was coming to an end. What would be hit next?

I started looking for my Cousin Joe who works at the Pentagon. I mean, I looked at every single male military person's face to see if I could find him. I was looking at anyone and everyone and beginning to feel panicked that he wasn't showing up anywhere. I asked someone who had lots of medals on if they could tell me how to find him or maybe knew him. All I could think of was to make sure that Joe was safe. The man told me to go closer to the Pentagon and talk to the PR people who were already gathering. So I started going closer.

There was a group of people crowding together on a hill by the highway watching the events and I thought that would at least be a better vantage point to try to find him. But when I got to an intersection, I saw a group of about 20 military people running in my direction as if they were running away from something.

I got scared again and, it was at that point that the ground began to shake and shook for several moments. I heard what sounded like pot shots going off. I thought we were being bombed again, but someone said the boilers and gas main had gone off. I kept trying to find my cousin and, instead, found myself in a group of people crowded around a car stereo playing the news. They said that the Capitol had been hit, the State Department had been hit, they were flying towards the White House, and that three more planes were on their collision course towards the Pentagon and would be there within minutes.

I was standing about 1000 feet from the Pentagon and so everyone started looking into the sky to see if we could see where the next bombs were coming from. We didn't know which way to run. It wasn't until later that I realized I'd spent from 9:40 until I was safe at home about 3:00 Tuesday wondering how much longer I had to live and had spent all morning watching the sky for more death planes.

Eventually, I decided I had to start to do something productive even if it meant more violence; at least then I'd know what I was facing. I mean, I was really scared to go into another building. So I went to the Pentagon City mall (You know, one weird thing was how people suddenly started talking about having to walk miles and miles and miles to go places. You never hear that. One person was going to walk 5 miles from Pentagon City Mall to work in Rosslyn. Another person said they were going to walk home and, instead of asking for location, they said, "What city is that?" People were suddenly just walking these outrageous distances.)

Anyway, the mall had money at the ATM and food and a bathroom and a payphone with a not-too-long line. I called work to tell them I couldn't get in and my aunt so she could let my family know I was okay - I didn't know when I'd be able to get home. There were only occasional taxis and everyone wanted to take them, the buses weren't taking anyone and, as far as I knew, the Metro was still down and the streets were packed so I knew it would be easier to get home on my own than to find someone to come get me.

While I was in line for the payphone, this woman in front of me said that she had been standing in front of her office when she saw the nose of the plane coming towards her. Before it hit the windows, it turned into a ball of flame and then the windows began imploding. She ran, leaving her purse and everything else there, and afterwards had not been able to find another single person from her office.

I had also heard a story earlier in the day of this man who ran up to a woman in front of me in line for a different payphone that I eventually gave up on waiting for. His hair was a mess and he practically fell on her. He said, "We thought we'd lost you. We came out and couldn't find you anywhere. I was standing in the middle [of the room] holding a stack of papers when I noticed some big thing coming at me. The windows caved in and glass was going everywhere. I dropped the papers. And all I know is my mouth flew open and the words, 'Get the hell out of here!' came out. I ran but then I couldn't find anyone. So far, we'd found everyone except for you and [someone else whose name I can't remember]." He said he didn't know how he'd been able to get out of there alive.

Anyway, when I came out of the mall, the Metro was working again so I was able to get home. On the bus trip, there was this man trying to get off the bus and the bus kept going. I screamed, "Stop the bus!" Everyone turned to look at me and, a moment later, the woman next to me said, "Were you at the Pentagon today?" I said that I was and that I had just realized with shouting that I was really shaken. We talked a little while and then she said, "I don't mean to be rude, but I guess that's what you get for going into work late." I thought that was pretty funny.

Anyway, I was wiped out by the time I was home and in shock too much to cook so I ended up eating Whoppers by day, went to church, and then had potato chips for dinner. Not the best diet, but I was alive at least. When you feel as though it's a miracle you're standing, every moment thereafter is a gift, a moment you otherwise might not have had - that's how I convinced myself potato chips for dinner was a fine thing to do. I know that my situation does not come close to what is going on in New York City. And everyone I know, at least so far, has turned out to be okay. I found out when I got home and started making calls to family members that everyone in my family is safe, including my cousin Mike who I was to find out on Tuesday afternoon also works at the Pentagon. But I haven't been able to stop praying, hoping, wishing for everyone who has been seriously affected by this. I just found out that one of my best friends and one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest men I've ever known has been sent to the Persian Gulf this morning on his ship. He is an air traffic controller on the USS Enterprise. And so I guess we'll see. Anyway, I hope that my story helps. God be with you.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Answers

And multiply that e-mail by tens of thousands, maybe more. There are a helluva lot of people with badly bruised psyches out there. I'm depressed just from watching TV, God knows I'd be a basket case if I had seen even a small bit of the attacks.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Brooks,

That was an excellent story and I'm glad you posted it. The reality of being involved in "something" frightening involving possible death and destruction come through loud and clear. That woman told it very well, from her own panic to the wild rumors that inevitably race through the crowds in such a situation. Panic and fear are the cause.

We do get better information from the media and Internet, but even there we see how things that are not true initially circulate quickly. I am right now watching the outcome of the arrests made at JFK and LaGuardia. It seems it was a false alarm. Yes, those people arrested had seemed suspicious and they had what looked like connections to the terrorist groups. Now, after sifting through the latest information it looks like most, if not all, of them were either doing something stupid (but not dangerous) or had coincidental likeness to the actual terrorist group. From what I hear they will be released. Even the FBI jumped to conclusions on that one. Of course I think the FBI did the right thing under the circumstances, but it does show how we can all go off the deep end with no actual facts to back up our behavior.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

I've added a small portable radio to my BOB, in the hope that vaguely accurate information might be available that way. She sure wasn't running into anyone who knew what was happening or where it was safe to go.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

Thank you.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001

How about one of those British bobby's whistles? They're very loud.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 2001