Long Distance Relationships

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Do long-distance relationships ever work? Alternatively, does anybody want to buy me a plane ticket to New York?

-- Anonymous, September 08, 2001


Of course they work. (or) Of course, they don't work.

Amazing how one can live in a city of a bazillion people and find romance far away from it.

You are not so practical, eh?

-- Anonymous, September 08, 2001

they can work. but you need to either a) see each other on a regular basis or b) know its going to end at a certain time. I've had 2 of them and with the first, neither a nor b was true. For the second, a was true and b wasn't for a while, but we worked it out and now we live together. It took a few years though.

But this is just the beginning of your relationship. Have fun. Long distance relationships can be fun: seeing each other is always very intense.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

All my relationships in the last couple of years have been long- distance... I haven't been in a place likely to be populated by folk who share my interests, and I'm on-line so much that that's where I do meet humans...

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

I've limited myself to "humans" as well. I guess I'm not as open minded as I like to think.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 2001

I've seen them work. It just depends on the people and what they want. A friend of mine (you worked at the lab with her) had a long distance relationship with a guy in Seattle for a over a year. It worked out well since she was so busy in the lab and at school that she really didn't have the time to actually spend with a boyfriend. He was a great guy; they supported each other through emails and phone calls, and once in awhile, she'd fly up to meet him.

Of course, it helped that he was only in Seattle, and he was a computer programmer and had money to fly her in whenever. So, it could work.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

Long distance relationships suck ass. I'm in one right now. We're 1000 miles apart, which is too far for a weekend road trip but not a bad plane ride. But right now he's in Taiwan and thinking that maybe he's going to move there for a year, and I don't know if I can handle that...

Long distance really makes or breaks the relationship, doesn't it? I mean, ladies and gentlemen, if you're really wanting to know whether your relationship is going to stand the test of time, here's the solution: move far, far away for many months and see if the two of you can stand it!

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

I think that both people need the right sort of temperment for them to work..... I'm in one right now, and most of my friends were pretty doubtful that it would last very long, and can't imagine doing it themselves. It's been a year now, and I'm enjoying it. We call and talk to each other almost every day, and see each other about once every 6 weeks or so.
One of the good things about the whole long distance thing is that it's the ultimate equalizer of libidos. When we were living in the same city, every once in a while, there'd be a week or so when one of us wasn't really interested in sex, and the other person would start to feel neglected and crabby, the resultant whining of course wouldn't help get the other person into the mood.
But now that we only get to see each other for a few days every month, sex until we're sore and wobbly is the usual result of a visit. The time that you do get to spend together is like going back to when you started going out when you couldn't get enough of the other person. I'm not sure what this means for people who have never really lived in the same city, and start at a long distance relationship though.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

I don't think that there really is an answer to this question. I don't think you say, "Yes. Long distance realtionships work" or "No. They don't work", or "Yes. They work in this case", or "No. They don't work if this other set of circumstances is true". I have two very good friends, both of whom are married to girls that at one time or another and under very different cirumstances that it was a long-distance relationship. Every relationship is different and the reason it works or doesn't work are different as well. I would bet that long distances relationship have the same success/failure ratio as regular relationship... Anyway,if you are looking for advice, which, I don't know that you, I say, FOLLOW YOUR HEART and damn the consequences. I think that's always the best idea. I know there is this idea to be practical and protect your feelings and whatnot, but I don't understand that. I've never understood this idea of using logic or practicality to make decisions of the heart. But maybe I'm just foolish like that...

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

NO!!! Never again ...

-- Anonymous, September 10, 2001

For three years I drove 500 miles every second friday night and 500 miles back on sunday night on long straight roads in the Australian outback. I figured out that the best way to stop the travelling was to propose. Didn't work the first time but she said yes on the second attempt. She found a job nearby (50 miles!) and we got married in March. Things have turned out pretty well and now I look back and think that the travel was worthwhile after all. So yes - they can work - but you need to be dedicated.

-- Anonymous, September 11, 2001

Three words: cheating and never again.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Love is love no matter how far that person is. If you truely feel this person is speical and can make you smile like only a few people can, then keep in touch for as long as you can take it. Love or the feelings that come with love are rare as you all might know. Love is what were all here for so sip it slowly and feel it in your begin.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

I was in a long distance relationship... I am American in USA and he a Japanese in Japan. He seemed to handle the distance better than I did but it was killing me. I can deal with a long distance relationship but having to use my passport to see him was in the end "absurd". After 1 year of hanging on, I finally broke it off and till this day I miss him.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

yes, they do work, it is like they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I have been with her for 2 years and every time we see one another it is unbelivable how strong our love for one another is, and i think it could only work though if u have total trust in your realtionship, and you all or only about each other and noone else.

lata ---BRANDON CANNON----

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

I had the same question as you which was how i came across this page, but after trying to get over this guy for a couple of months i've decided the pain of not being woth him far outways the frustration of not being able to see him alot. i say follow your heart and be with the person you want to be with - and if it happens that they are a cpule of hours away so be it! if it doesn't work, it doesn't work but at leat you had the time with that person to start with. So i have faith in ,ong distance relationships cause if you bith like/love each other and there is noone else you want to be woth then be with them.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

I'm only doin this for you baby:) I think long distance relationships definately work under the following conditions. The two of you have to be on the SAME WAVELENGTH, be very MATURE, be highly COMPATIBLE, must COMMUNICATE extremely well, both must know exactly what you want, and both have to TRUST each other implicitly, and be HONEST with each other. If one or more of these conditions are lacking in either, then it just exacerbates the whole thing, and leaves the relationship open to failure. I met someone three years ago, and HAVE NOT seen them since. When we met, we dint even spend more than ten minutes alone together. amazingly enough, its lasted this long, and we're due to meet in two months. Am i excited? more than you can possibly imagine. I think we're a rare case... thats just a personal opinion. and from what i've read on the net so far, a relationsip of thsi nature fails 99% of the time. if anyone else has survived something similar to this, i'd be very interested to know!

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2002

True love is very rare now a days and you should consider yourself blessed to have found that special person. I am in a long distance relationship as well, and I am thankful for him everyday. You just need to have good communication and be able trust each other.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2002

i am also in the same place but my guy is in canada i truely bleive. it is can u trust him? if u can try 2 e-mail him all the time or make a phone call wateva 2 get in touch!!!send pic vist each other!!! any way good luck victora

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2002

In a normal, not freakishly weird way? No, they don't. There is pretty much a near 100% long term failure rate. The reason? If they begin at a distance, it never becomes an actual relationship until the two come together geographically. If the couple spends more than a few weeks speaking on the phone for hours every night, by the time they come together they have an enormously distorted view of each other. All they have to talk about is what they have in common; therefore they think they have EVERYTHING in common. The problem is that we are not our own best judges. Your friend, mother, etc can describe you far more acurately than you can. You can't truly learn about someone, from him/ her directly, verbally over the phone. You have to experience them in a day-today way. Life IS day-to-day, after all. Having things in common, or some deep spiritual connection is only a fraction of what it takes to make a true relationship. You have to be compatible in more than just a deep spiritual way. Can you answer this: What is your loves most annoying trait or habit, and can you live w/ it. Can you handle all of them? If your relationship consists of only talking on the phone & emailing, there's no way you could even have a clue. The practical side of things is just as important, no MORE important than the romantic side. Love is everything, but then again, love ISN'T everything. You can have an intense connection and love for someone, but not be able to tolerate the person. There is no way for you to test this at a distance. Seeing eachother for a few days here and there doesn't really count. It's not enough time to experience each other in a realistic way. Those periods are like prolonged first dates. The biggest problem is that you have a lot of time to work on inventing the person in your mind. Once the two come together it may take quite a while to realize the real person is not who you think he/she is. You may waste a good deal of time deluding yourself with your invented version of your love. If you're over 30, and a woman, you probably don't want to waste that time. You certainly don't want to find yourself married,or w/ children when you come finally recognize reality. Most who engage in LDRs are in their early to mid twenties; they usually don't repeat the mistake. The mistake need not be made. A rational examination of the situation should prevent any of us from making it. Take this to heart: 90% fail w/ in the first year; 99% therafter. If the realtionship begins at a distance, and you don't have the benefit of dumb luck, you are pretty much guaranteed to fail. There are of course a minute few who succeed, again by dumb luck. Beware a great deal of what you read on the internet on the subject. Most is terribly irresponsible and just plain wrong.

-- Anonymous, August 09, 2002

yes a long distance relationship is possible, but only if you can trust your partner and believe in your relationship. Yeah it is hard knowing you can't give him a kiss goodnight, or cuddle on the couch, but just think about all you will receive in the long run. I love my man with everything and I just don't think it would be fair for either one of us to give up on such a good thing! I love you BSC.

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2002

As i said before long distance realtionships do work. You have to remember it takes two you can't have one person giving, just for the other to receive. I love my girl with all my heart and i trust her, i know she will not do anything to hurt me. i guess that is why i say long distance realtionships work. c-ya bsc :i love you to beck:

-- Anonymous, September 06, 2002

This one has proved difficult - I am a 38 year old English male in love with a 31 year old Woman from New Zealand. I met her a year before her work permit run out and she has had to go back to New Zealand - the original plan was for her to come back in 3 months - but this became 6 months, then 9 - she had a change of heart due to concerns about her future, then it was agreed she would stay 14 and a half months (the time required for her to complete a Nursing course. It is now almost 11 months down the line and after many months of her questioning my faith, love and attitudes towards her, all of her insecurities have been unfounded, I have had total trust in her though I have always been upset she should constantly mistrust me - and now, this morning I have been informed that she has strong feelings for someone else where she lives and has known him for a month or so. I am quite upset by this... and this has happened to me before (with a woman from Australia - after 6 months apart- both women have needed love and physical attention. I write her e-mails 2- 3 times a week, send her gifts and we talk on the phone about 3 times a month for an hour, I constantly tell her I love her and have no secrets. Neither of us have much money - if I possibly could I would have tried to visit her, but alas it looks like I took this second chance and have once more become heart broken. Maybe they can work but it takes an awful lot of committment - especially when there is no coming together in the meantime.

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2002

Well I'm in a long distance relationship and all the advice I could give is that if it's meant to be then it will work out. It's going to be hard but as long as you love eachother and you know that the love is true then shouldn't nothing near of far stop you from being together or tear apart waht you have if it's that type of love. I know that it's going to be hard but stick with it relationships are not made to be easy so all I can tell you is Good Luck and I hope it works out for you as I wish it would for me just have faith. If it's meant to be then it will.

-- Anonymous, September 23, 2002

They do work! But, if you are the kind of person that falls into temptaion easy than you may have a problem. As long as you 2 are devoted to keep it last and find ways to communicate than, it can work out fine! Im in one right now and we can only write to each other but it is still working out. We are going to our 2 month soon and I love him more than ever. You just gotta pray to God and ask him if he wants you 2 to be together he will make everything work out.

-- Anonymous, September 24, 2002

god, i just really dont know. it sucks to high heaven, b/c once you decide to go down that road, you fall deeper and deeper in love w/a memory, even if you talk or email every day...and no 'living' man can compete, and then you're not bothered to see who else could be out there, b/c of 'how special' things are w/ your one and only l.d. lover.

Rationalities are made, like the fact that theres no real contribution from his end (calls from a place of anything not duty or fear, gifts, or anything permanent) b/c for the good things, and the person he is, he can tailor to exactly fit your fantasy true love, and screw you up in the process.

Even if the long distance chosen one, REALLY IS your best friend/choice, etc--the distance shrivels what you had, no matter how you clutch at it; just think about your best friend from grade school--(if you keep in touch w/ that person, and if they live far away,) surely the 'best-friend'ship is different w/ that one than your current best friends in your life now?

time and space true love, can erase...

a little pessimistic, but i'm burnt out after almost 2yrs bicoastal, w/ no money on either end to jetset every six weeks (w/ plenty of mutual money-psychological baggage to boot, of who is 'more able' to pick up the tab) and 2 half-ass E-MAILed marriage proposals from his end. Not even ASKING, more like crying uncle, just to get me to move there, yet still live SEPARATELY from him, (b/c he needs his 'space' as a writer--yet he MOANS and groans missing me from the tip of his head to the toes on his feet--like i'm his manna from heaven AND the staff vindictively blocking it, too.

But for some reason, he still makes my heart go pitter-p

-- Anonymous, October 02, 2002

God I hope so!!! It helps if you: = avoid toxic people and their unasked for opinions or suggestions! (ie 'He'll meet someone else' or 'Come on baby, he'll never know!!!' sheesh!!) = Have a fantastic sense of humour as a couple = Have a common goal to look forward to = Share all the stupid little things in your day with each other = keep really busy as it helps the time to fly in. However, avoid living for the future and stop and smell the roses....no regrets! Remember you can bail at any time!

I met my gorgeous man in Dublin and am counting down the days until he arrives in Oz for a visit. Our time apart is nothing compared to some couples (it will have been 5 months apart after a 6 month start) but when I left him it seemed a lifetime and impossible, useless, hopeless...no way it could work! Even though it broke my heart, I couldn't help but be the biggest pessimist - it all seemed like wishful thinking to believe we could end up together. He however has been my constant rock and has never once doubted that we'll be together again. Bless him! (Nothing like a cancerian female with a taurean male!!)

So yes I think it can if the time apart is relatively short and you put a lot of work into it, but there is NO WAY I could do it as a long term thing nor would I willingly enter another relationship knowing it was going to be a LDR.

Having said that, one of my friend's parends have successfully maintained an on and off LD marriage for the past 20 years!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, October 03, 2002

a Long Distance relationship is the best thing that could ever happen between a couple. It gives a chance to get in all that mushy stuff and I miss you's. Even add passion by saying to each other how you just can't wait to prove how much you missed him/her. A couple months away from each other would bring any trusting couple even closer. 99.9% of the time anyway. There would be letters to cherish and phone calls that make you blush. The passion restored or brought up once your back together is AMAZING.

-- Anonymous, October 09, 2002

they work! only if you work for it. being on it is diffinitely not a bed of roses. constant communication is needed. share silly or not experiences. let the other feel that he's/she's important to know all what happened in your day. loving knows no bounds. it's worth fighting.

-- Anonymous, October 14, 2002

The question is "Do long-distance relationships work? I would have to say no because most people have already began living their lives wherever their home city and state is at. I think most people rely on fantasy and when their fantasy becomes a reality the person is not usually what the other person created in their mind and then the dream fades and so does the relationship. Also, I think most men use long distance relatinships as a block from making any kind of commitment to the chosen female of their chose. From what I've seen or heard, it's usually for sexual purposes and most of the time the male/female have other relationships where they live at. I think most people seek the PERFECT relationship but it does not exist, I think people want to make and mold the person of their chose to be what they want them to be and it all goes back to searches of the person from their fantasies and dreams. Again, long dstance relationships cannot work because you cannot experience the person wholely and you can't feel, spend time with, or do things with the person you love/like because a dream is easier to chase yet hard to make a reality to attain. I think if you want a serious relationship, you need to start going places you enjoy in your home city, town and meet the single men in your area. I think this subject is complex in itself and again success comes individually. What may work for someone may not for another. I say when it comes to a local or long distant relationship, you have to go with how you feel and see if there's potential in it. Any relationship has it's successes and losses. Do what you feel will make you happy, complete and have no regrets. All relationships take hard work, commitment and understanding. Good luck! I hope I've helped.

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2002

I forgot to mention one more thing. Long distance relationships require money to be spent to make a trip (dinners, hotel, car rental, etc.)or to make a permanent move (U-Haul rental, storage, gas, etc.) to desired destination. Love is great to feel and have but you need money to make things happen to be near your loved one. Love isn't going to pay your bills, pay your doctors visits if you get sick or your car or house/apt. note. But, if you make lots of money and you both are meeting each other half-way with the costs, whether it be making a trip to making things more permanent, then maybe your relationship is destined to succeed. Remember love is great to have or feel but it'll fade quickly when your bills don't get paid. If you can afford to start over with your life, then go for it but know your loved one's true intentions because in this day in age local or long distance, there are people who are only interested in living off of other people. Make sure your relationship is a solid one. Again, good luck.....

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2002

In my case no. I recently have just had the phone call to prove it. My boyfriend of 1 year cheated on me while i'm done here at college. I thought that i trusted him and he trusted me and we would make it through. We even had long talks about us making through the long distance, but i was fooled. All i can say is don't be blind to what reality actually is.

-- Anonymous, October 16, 2002

they never work out. who ever thinks it does your being cheated on.

-- Anonymous, October 20, 2002

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