This is a good one!

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mph, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 65, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her afghan, his wife says sweetly, "Now don't be

silly dear. You know very well this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer makes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did".

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit woman, keep your mouth shut!"

The officer frowns and says, "And, I notice you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over to get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And, as the officer makes out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!" The officer looks over at the woman and says, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Oh heavens no, officer, only when he's been drinking..."

_________________________________________________________________

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2001

Answers

Today's Joke:

When you have an "I hate my job" day try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.

You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip." Be very sure that you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.

Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,

"I am so glad I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company."

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Quality control at Q-tip! ROTFL

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2001

A Woman's Prayer

Now I lay me Down to sleep. I pray the Lord My shape to keep.

Please no wrinkles Please no bags And please lift my butt Before it sags.

Please no age spots Please no gray And as for my belly, Please take it away.

Please keep me healthy Please keep me young, And thank you Dear Lord For everything.

-- Anonymous, September 03, 2001