husband or not.....?

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I am confused. My husband left me less than a year into our marriage. It was my second marriage, I have a child, he is/was Catholic,(definitely not practicing) I was atheist and we were married in a civil ceremony. His leaving was devastating to me and in an agonizing quest to survive, I eventually found the Church, and am in the process of conversion and annulment of my previous marriage. After being gone for over a year, my husband has recently agreed to see me, although repeatedly tells me that he is not committed to the relationship and only cares for me "as a person." We have recently begun sleeping together (at his apt over 50 miles from my home.) For me,the experience is wonderful and a step towards putting the marriage back together. I feel it is an important, intimate and deeply meaningful part of a relationship between a husband and wife. Yet I am deeply conflicted. According to my priest, we are not married in the eyes of the Church, and so being together is a sin, and we are certainly married in name only. My friends and counselor tell me that he is a cad and unwilling to commit, and I am repeating cycles of abuse. But I also feel like I should try anything to hold my marriage together. If I said no sleeping over, I am sure he would be fine with it--but see me less (he makes it clear that it doesnt matter one way or another.) I realize my committment to the Church must come first, but am very confused on what the right thing to do is here. He refuses counseling as he says he is not sure if this is something he even wants, much less ready to work on. He has told me that he hasnt been with anyone else since he left, but I know he is still seeing his ex girlfriend and there was a half empty box of condoms by his bedside the last time I visited (we dont use them). Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

-- marion (marion1097@email.com), August 31, 2001

Answers

Jmj

Hello, Marion.

You closed by saying, "Any opinions would be greatly appreciated."

To a Catholic, this is not a matter of "opinion," but of fact.

Your friend, the priest, is 100% correct.
Please trust him fully.

It is wonderful that you have found God and the Church that Jesus founded. Now it is time to make a total commitment to them, even though it will hurt for a little while. Now is the time to renounce the deadly sins that are so alluring and harming you very much.
The truly "wonderful experiences" that you seek are not to be found in the arms of a man who is not really your husband, a man who is only using you. Instead, the wonderful experiences will come in the Sacraments -- Baptism, Holy Communion, and perhaps Marriage to a good man one day.

God bless you.
St. James, pray for us.
John

-- (jgecik@amdg.ihs), August 31, 2001.


I am sorry but he is using you .Do not sleep with him , espeially unprotected ! If he cannot commit to you go on with your life .You sound like you are trying to heal yourself and with God and the churches help you will .He will only pull you down .I wish you the best of luck .

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), September 05, 2001.

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