I find it difficult to concentrate at work.

I find holding a conversation about anything other than football impossible

I wake up worried and it stays with me all day

Every time I see NUFC v SAFC advertised on Sky Sports my heart misses a beat and my throat goes dry.

Please God, whatever the bloody result, will ye hurry up and get Sunday over with?

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

Answers

Already Puking with nerves....

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

It's a good kind of hurt though isn't it? Screacher has arranged a secret training camp/casualty clearing station for his black and white supremacist organisation in the wilds of Northumberland (code named Bristol View). He's hoping to get everyone fighting fit and in fine voice for Sunday: infinitely preferable to pacing around the house alone. Saturday will be the killer, listening to the sports broadcasters describing all these insubstantial trifling encounters as though they are somehow on the same scale. Hah!

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

It's funny Softie, I can never enjoy Newcastle games, not unless we're 3-0 up. I find it a killer to sit and watch them, I pace around, switch the channel for a minute til nerves get the better of me, have a fag outside, anything but sit on my fat arse and enjoy the game.

I find it much easier to watch someone else - well, more enjoyable as an experience anyway. Last night I managed to see Blackburn - Man U and thorougly enjoyed every minute. Fantastic game, wonderful skill on show, majestic players, didn't give a toss who won, and had a great laugh with my mates. Excellent, excellent night.

Sunday, OTOH, will be a test of nerves. I'll be horrible all morning, 'er indoors won't be able to say a word to me for fear of getting her head bitten off, and god forbid if we lose. I'll smoke 20 tabs before kick off and another 15 through the match. My pulse rate will be in the 90's and I'll sweat like a trojan.

Y'see? I'm not a nice person watching the Toon play, and I'm not healthy either. I take it too much to heart, and for the life of me can't enjoy it.

I need help.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

Aye Softie - aal's ship-shape and bristol fashion ship-fashion and bristol shaped up here at the mo. Weather's not too bad and I'm of to see the quartermaster about some supplies this afternoon. Mr Mordue, I believe is the name. A right of Workie Ticket aah heor tho aah divvent knaa if the Radgie Gadgy will be in. However, come Sunday, aah'll be full o' Gerodie Pride mind (even tho I only managed 5 Bridges).

Toon Toon, Black & White Army.

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

I find it a damn sight easier being in the ground. The radio has to be the very worst way to follow a game as they insist on tempting fate with every breath and any mention of an opposition player on the ball is peopled in your nightmares as this 9 foot Superman bearing down on our goal totally unstopable and leaving trampled and bleeding NUFC players in his wake...Somehow the inevitable, "Oh, he's just put it out on the full" fails to remove all the stress of your imagination and the tension just winds tighter and tighter until the end of the broadcast when you simply don't have enough energy to even turn the radio off.

Telly's okay: even more assinine comments and a distorted view of the match (the number of times players appear by magic at the far post with no bloody warning as they stick to the ball and forget about the big picture!)

The oddest is when you can't get radio and end up "watching" on teletext just wishing those numbers to change and knowing that it could be minutes before you know what has already happened. Still less stressful as you don't have the faintest idea what's going on.

Basically, though, sitting in the ground is the only way to cope with nerves (except if you are called Dougal!) and I disagree fundamentally with the idea that it is worst of all for the coach: I think Bobby's got the best seat in the ground - he can at least do something when it looks like going tits-up.

p.s. Give up the tabs, they only make it worse!

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

I can never enjoy Newcastle games, not unless we're 3-0 up

The best bit of Nick Hornby's "Fever Pitch" for me is the (I think) first chapter where he describes going to his first games. Maybe someone has the quotes to hand but he describes how NOBODY on the terraces was enjoying themselves and indeed they all suffered the experience, and all were pouring forth vile streams of abuse at their "heroes".

The bit I love is :-

"A HUNDRED QUID A WEEK?! A HUNDRED QUID A WEEK?! They should pay me that just for watching him."

How times have changed.

FORTY THOUSAND QUID A WEEK???!!!!!

Why do we bother? :-)

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

You're right about the tabs Softie

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

Sounds like PMT nick - Pre Mackem Tension!

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

Steph - How about PMS Pre Mackem Syndrome (North American Version) - phoenix

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

There's drugs for that ya knaa. Broon Ale anyone? %-)

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001

"Ciara's cerebrations", you never responded?

-- Anonymous, August 23, 2001