I am heartened by the recent trend to criticize people based on their appearance, mental agility, etc. This tactic is very effective because it is much easier to defend ideas than to defend personal attributes. What is especially encouraging is that this trend is nonpartisan. Everyone can play and everyone does play.

I'm not interested in character traits. I see character (honesty, loyalty, courage, etc) as a fair issue to criticize. If Clinton, Condit, Jesse Jackson, Newt Gingrich, whoever, are exposed as phonies, I say "fair enough". What I am looking for is unfair, cruel caricatures.

Off the top of my head, here are a few. Please, let's create a much longer list. Be as vicious and as unfair as possible. Our national debate depends on it. Thanks for your cooperation.

Gearge W. Bush--close set eyes, poor language skills, suspect IQ.

Hillary Clinton--heavy legs, bossy

Janet Reno--ugly diesel dyke

Al Gore--wimp

Mike Dukakis--pipsqueak (in general, short people are losers)

Barbra Streisand--big nose, whiney

Calista Flockhart--bony back

Alex Baldwin--hairy bloviator

Katherine Harris--big hair, overly made-up (ie, trailer trash)

...............

Well you get the idea.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 21, 2001

Answers

Strom Thurmond---old fart.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 21, 2001.

Monica--fat, neurotic

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 21, 2001.

Linda Tripp--ugly, even after plastic surgery

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 21, 2001.

Lars--close set eyes, poor language skills, suspect IQ, heavy legs, bossy, ugly diesel dyke, wimp, pipsqueak, big nose, whiney, bony back, hairy bloviator, big hair, overly made-up (ie, trailer trash), old fart, fat, neurotic, ugly, even after plastic surgery.

Other than that, though, he's an okay guy.

-- (ha@ha.ha), August 21, 2001.

Nixon had shifty eyes---would you buy a used car from him? Ford was an amiable dunce. Carter had funny lips and teeth. Mamie Dowd Eisenhower was dowdy. Jackie Kennedy had an insipid voice. George McGovern was a bigger wimp than Gore. Ted Kennedy is a fat, over-the-hill rich kid with an alcoholic nose. Tip O'Neill was a fat pol. Tipper Gore is a prude who gets by only because she is a Dem. Jean Kirkpatrick sucked lemons.

Oh this is fun.

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 21, 2001.

Charleton Heston is a bloviator.

Gary Condit has bad hair and creepy body language. He always carries his jacket and never wears it. What the hell is that all about?

-- Lars (lars@indy.net), August 21, 2001.

In case you want to know what a bloviator is.

-- (ha@ha.ha), August 21, 2001.

Perhaps Gary Condit's jacket originally belonged to someone else.

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), August 21, 2001.

I could not support Bill Bradley because of his weak chin.

-- (Roland@hotmail.com), August 22, 2001.

Nelda Latimer, the neighbor down the road 30 years ago needed a wide load sign stapled on her ass cause you drove in the ditch just to miss her when she walked to the corner to get the mail. Tubby Tubby 2+4, Nelda can't get thru the bathroom door!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), August 22, 2001.

I always thought Newt Gingrich had "hick eyelids", and I always felt a little guilty about that characterization - until now. Thx, Lars!

-- Bemused (and_amazed@you.people), August 22, 2001.