I'm a gay male in need of help i'm tired of the threats tired of being isolated. my x mate beats doors down calls i have two adopted kids one 7 and one 10 tonite is first time he threat me infront of the 7 year old. i'am hiv+ so he threatens to call my job, my peers,the state of california adoption boards an tell all about my hiv. he also knows that i have someked marijuana beacuse of the drugs i use. it does help me eat i'ne lost 70lbs in five months an i know he really effects my health. i'am controled by in so many ways. i have a car i did purcahse for him he does pay it notes but it's in my name an he knows i can''t afford it with out his payments. i have filed a bankrupcy before and have recovered an can't mess up my credit again he knows how i feel about this. i don't want all to know i'am gay with hiv but else can i do? i have to have peace. he used the though of me dieing alone to stay in my life. he uses the kids to tell were i go and who i with to harrasse them. so i don't have any friends any more. i'm ready to leave my home job tear the kids out of school and just walk away from life. but i lose so much and so do the children all of the welfare i've will be destroyed. came any one help me. i can't belive at 47 i have let a 27 year old person control so much of my life. I met him when we went together an found out we both were hiv positive. so we held on to each other because were would a gay man with hiv go! now i could just die. if were not for my children i would just go into hideing an leave my job of 12 years. but lifes seems to hold more than that. i ask anyone who can help please tell which way to go!

-- Anonymous, August 21, 2001