GENTLEMEN'S QUIZ!

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:

a) Lovemaking b) Screwing c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) Your blood-test results c) Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:

a) Your partner climaxes first b) You both climax simultaneously c) You don't miss Sports Center (Sky)

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a) Healthy, creative love-play b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

a) The best part of the experience b) The second best part of the experience c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:

a) Not a concern of yours b) Not a problem - she can join your gym c) A conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

a) A myth b) An oxymoron c) A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

a) Appetizer is to entree b) Priming is to painting c) A queue is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

a) "I hope we can still be friends." b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...." c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy b) Is uptight and a waste of time c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.

If you answered C more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking!

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-- Anonymous, August 18, 2001

Answers

Answers Please, ladies first?

-- Anonymous, August 18, 2001

So how did you feel with your 10 Cs Bud?

-- Anonymous, August 18, 2001

...Jacko, slightly hungover, 'cos I went drinking! lol

;7)

-- Anonymous, August 18, 2001

,,,a Garcie-esque 'joke':

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally the people would respond negatively and she wouldwander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well,? Is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice.

"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned...and said, "She's a battery salesman. She sells "C" cells by the sea shore."

Hat, coat...scarper++++++++++++++++++

-- Anonymous, August 19, 2001