Well I'm all set. My bow and arrows are packed (that'll scare the sh*t out of the French, although it doesn't take much - they'll run a 100 miles if we take a dead sheep), I'm wearing me Wellingtons, and Screacher's trusty stagecoach will get us started on the journey tomorrow as hostilities in the 100 years war resume. Should be a good journey as long as we aren't set upon by bandits going past Sunderland. We could hoy our passports at them (they are fascinated by such curios) but we'll need those. I'm too excited to write anything myself so I've borrowed this piece.

The following words of inspiration, were written by that well known Geordie, Billy Shakespeare (e's fathha was a shotfirer at Backworth pit). Down the centuries some of the words have been changed but THIS is the original:-

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our Geordie dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the referee's whistle blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest Geordies.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to support. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in Geordieland, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry "God for Toon Army, Geordieland, and Saint Bob!"

Ooooh! That's given me a funny turn. I feel a chorus of "Frank Clark knows my father" coming on.

HOWAY THE LADS!!!

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Answers

Wonderful! Looking forward to the accounts of your adventures.

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Jonno, what can I say?

Beware, the enemy prepares:

"The French, advised by good intelligence
Of this most dreadful preparation,
Shake in their fear, and with pale policy
Seek to divert the Geordie purposes."

You will, of course be hideously outnumbered. However, draw strength yet again from Prince Hal:

"If we are marked to die, we are enough
To do our team loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater the share of honour."

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.
For he today that doons a pils with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition.
And gentlemen in Newcastle now abed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here."

Have a great time, and remember "the Toon Army expects!"

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Clarky, I think you may be getting an invite to join them (see e mail). Jonno, by all means remember Agincourt but also remember your French O lovel and don't insult the wife of the butcher ;)

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Crikey Jonno. Yi never telt iz ye did a French O Lovel. Aal aah had was Madame Taff (in the purest sense of the word) ti teach iz Froggish. Aah'd nivvor hev thowt Mrs Glass wez up ti that sort o' stuff!!

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Dougal - no e-mail yet (11pm), but spoke to Screacher earlier.
Can't you get hold of a temp passport?

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

I thought the French teacher was Miss Crisp, Screach? Anyway, she was a fearsome character and one would not relish an O lovel. But one of those nice young exchange students that came over ... Grade 3 pas de probleme nee bother.

How can I get "The pen of my aunt" into the conversation? Apart from that all I can think of are the song titles "Voulez vous couchez avec moi? and "Je t'aime - moi non plus". Should suffice I daresay! As I don't know the French for "Ye divven't sweat much for a fat lass".

"Do Sunderland 'av a lissarnce for their manajairre?"

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Mais bien sur, Miss Crisp it was. Just like the sheets on her bed (I dare say, not that I had any close inspection you understand). Was Mrs Glass the English teacher? Yes, I know they were (almost) all English but....oh, never mind. Sorry folks, just another clique Jonno and I were in. Blyth Glamour School, 60s era (that's 1960s before anybody comments).

-- Anonymous, August 05, 2001

Was that one of them "approved schools"?

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Dougal,
Still no e-mail received from you (10:20am).

If you sent it to my Yahoo address I suggest you try my Cableinternet address. I'll also e-mail my mobile no. to your Hotmail address.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Last minute preparations. I've got me passport. Do we need any jabs - typhoid, malaria etc? And when we get past Sunderland where can I get some Euros? Do we have to carry a bag of onions aboot with us? How loud do we need to shout before they can understand what we're saying?

vous ne chantez pas
vous ne chantez pas
vous ne chantez pas davantage
vous ne chantez pas davantage

Doesn't scan tres bien does it? The GEF (Geordie Expeditionary Force) is scheduled to leave SJP (Kenton Bar) around 1330 heures. Let's kick derriere.

Frank Clark connaît mon père Pere connaît Frank Clark Frank Clark connaît mon père Pere connaît Frank Clark

You can tell I'm getting into this ...

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Sorry to be a pedantic tw@t, but Troyes is in Burgundy, who were on "our side" at the time of Agincourt.

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

No need to apologise, we expect it from ya ;))

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

I remember Waterloo but remind me who sung Agincourt again

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Oh well, that's totally screwed up that thread! ;-{)

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Sorry to be a pedantic tw@t

Most unfair. I certainly wouldn't describe you as pedantic. :-)

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

This link is as spurious a connection to Angincourt as I could find. Crowbarred to death! Dodgy Agincourt Link

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

I'd like to add the following which i think is also appropriate:

"Go my dread BOBBY to your grandsire's tomb from whom you claim; invoke his war like spirit and your great Grand uncle's Edward the BLACK & WHITE Prince, who on the French ground played a blinder making defeat on the full power of France;

....Oh Noble Geordies; that could entertain with half their forces (barring injuries) and let another half stand laughing their tits off, All out of work and cold for action...

Keep it tight gentlemen...

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

Yes i can remember Waterloo but was Agincourt sung by Abba as well? Dont think you can top Dancing Queen mesell like!

-- Anonymous, August 06, 2001

"Dont think you can top Dancing Queen mesell like!"

I dunno, Niall Quinn ain't that good...

-- Anonymous, August 07, 2001