Women and family tiesgreenspun.com : LUSENET : Freedom! self reliance : One Thread
Ok, this was a topic of conversation this morning betwixt DH and myself. Do I need to live closer to my family or not? I feel estranged from my large family of sisters. We are all close emotionally to one another, as a very caring family. There are 7 of us sisters and 2 brothers. Problem is, three sisters live 3 hours south of us, and three others live 14 hours south. The last sister lives in Guatemala. I guess I am kinda jealous that most of my sisters can must hop in the car and run over to visit another of us for half a day if the urge hits. I am bound to the phone (and the ensuing bills.)
I know, I should count myself blessed just to have such a family that I can count on for phone support. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
Hubby has been talking about a move anyhow, and it stirred longings within me that perhaps the move could bless me in this area.
How do the rest of you women feel? If you have sisters, do you feel women need to live in close proximity to their family? Or is it just wishful thinking on my part?
-- daffodyllady (firstname.lastname@example.org), August 03, 2001
This has been a really big issue for me with our move to Colorado. All of my siblings and my parents live in a small community, just across the street and around the corners from each other. When we moved back to that area five years ago, it was such a relief to be able to have Sunday dinners with them and stop over anytime, have them stop over, and run into them in town, etc. With my dad now getting up in years, it was very painful to move away, knowing when we move back, he may not still be there. I understand that we often forsake our families, so to speak, in favor of our husbands and the families we create, and that in pioneer days, families left perhaps never to see extended family again. But if I had my choice, I would be happy to live my whole life in Central Texas, putting down my roots(those roots which were so hard to pull up this last time) and enjoying the company of my family. We do keep in contact with my parents by phoning every week and e- mailing during the week, but it's harder to keep communications with the siblings who don't take the time for such things. I told hubby this last time I am feeling too old for this moving, and that I intend to make only one more move--back to Texas. Looks like for me it will be several years (maybe 10) away. It's also a problem to me that my children will be reaching maturity during that time, and so perhaps they will marry up here and not return to Texas. My vote is if you got a chance to go home, go!
-- mary (email@example.com), August 03, 2001.
I have three sisters and a brother. I moved across the country from family years and years ago. We all stay in contact via telephone, but yeah, it gets hard and you miss that contact. I intend to move closer to my brother and his family, but there is no way I will ever move back to the frigid frozen grey depressing state that my sisters live in! They can head south..smile... I don't think that you HAVE to live close, but women certainly seem to need the kindred contact more than men do. When I was growing up we moved six hours from family, and my Dad would notice my Mom starting to get a little down, and say "Honey, I think it's time to go visit your Mom." It worked wonders.
It's not wishful thinking, it's a desire for closeness. If you have the opportunity, I think you should move closer to your family...sure sounds like it would be a blessing to you!
-- Doreen (firstname.lastname@example.org), August 03, 2001.
How nice to have family you're close to, even if you don't live close. This isn't advice, you touched a nerve. I don't have any family except a brother and his family that I see once or twice a year and 4 daughters that are complicated and some strained relationships and 9 grandchildren. I've moved 75 times and getting ready to again. My roots would like to stay put-I think. Hope it all works out for you. God Bless.
-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (email@example.com), August 03, 2001.
How fortunate you are! I still have some kin folks living but to say we aren't close is an understatement. I have one brother and we never talk. I would love to have sisters or cousins etc that I was close to. If your husband gets along with your family I would definately move closer. However you might consider living in the next town over. In my experience you can live too close to kin (we all lived within 5 miles of each other at one time). If you have kiddos it would certainly benefit them to be around aunts uncles and cousins(nothing can teach humility like an older cousin!....long story..lol).
-- Amanda in Mo (firstname.lastname@example.org), August 03, 2001.
No sisters and only one brother. My mom & brother & I could possible be close if someone would offer free therapy for several years! LOL.....on the other hand, we have 5 kids and five grandchildren (with one on the way)..of the three kids who are married, one lives right downtown St. Louis and the other lives in Phoenix..the other lives 6 miles from us...two boys left who are single, on in Princeton, NJ and the other in college in Philly...except for the one son , all the others love the cities (where did I go wrong?). No way are we going to move to any big city just to be around the kids and grandchildren, but boy do I miss them all! We keep trying to convince them to move to Atlanta..big city thry should like, and it is only two hours away from this little farm where we old folks live. I think the greatest thing is to live near family.....if you have a chance to move closer to your sisters, then go for it! You can tell from the other posts and this one as well, that you have a unique situation..large family who gets along!!!!! Good for you! God bless.
-- lesley (email@example.com), August 03, 2001.
My older sister moved to my property in Texas from San Diego 3 years ago. Though she is moving to her own place 17 miles away now, I do see us as old ladies living together. Now I would no more move back to San Diego to live closer to my other sibilings, yeeks! I do miss not seeing my Mom all the time. Vicki
-- Vicki McGaugh (firstname.lastname@example.org), August 03, 2001.
Wow Cindy, moved 75 times. As I am still unpacking, I just wondered, what is the most nuber of times you moved in one year? Just being nosey.
We live together with my parents on he farm. We are building them a cottage next year. My in laws live about 4 hours away and are coming for a week tomorrow. I con't imagine being that far away from either of them. We see the in laws every three weeks, and get on really well.
-- Alison Homa (email@example.com), August 03, 2001.
Alison, those moves include 1st husband mility. Homeless, but not carless, normal moving, hunting between two parts of the state for jobs, etc. Each one was a move though.
-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (firstname.lastname@example.org), August 04, 2001.
I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. A few years ago, I moved back to the area where we were raised. I thought we'd spend time together, and I'd reconnect with my 2 sisters who still live here (the third is in Arizona). Carol lives almost next door, but with 3 kids and a nursing career, she's very busy, and I only see her for a few minutes each week. Chris and I never had much in common, and still don't. My brothers are heavy into drinking/pot smoking, so I only see them at an occasional holiday dinner. I guess that's why I'm OK with moving to MO from here. If my parents were here it would be different, but they've both been gone a while now. The family kinda fell apart after my Dad died. Took me a while to answer this one, I guess I'd rather not think about it (sniff, sniff).
-- Cathy in NY (email@example.com), August 04, 2001.
I don't have a lot of family left...my mom passed almost 19 years ago, and my dad died last November. My dad and I were not close- we didn't speak the last 4 years of his life. I have a brother and we've become quite close in the last few years, he has a lovely wife and two daughters, I also have a bachler (sp?) Uncle, and an Aunt and Uncle that I'm close to. We now live within a 1 1/2 hour drive to both my hubby and my families so it's easier to see each other. My nieces spent a week with me in July, they love coming here because of all the animals and we put an above ground pool in last summer. The 7 year old is really into the animals-she did chores every day she was here. Britty calls the Polish chickens "fluffy head" and laughed when they pecked the polish on her toenails.
My DH has a huge family and they have yearly family reunions. We've been married forever..well, 20 years, and I'm just now getting to know all the aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Stacy in NY
-- Stacy Rohan (KincoraFarm@aol.com), August 05, 2001.