ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS - A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS - To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY - Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY - Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE - Men wake up as goodlooking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE - A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION - There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED - Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2001

Answers

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. "

ROTFLMAO!

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2001

I don't know which one is better...Brooks or Helen's!!! Keep them coming!

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2001

Funny... thanks..

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

Good catch, all. Does anyone have an answer to the question someone would invariably ask when I was a lot younger: "So when are you going to have a little brother or sister for Eric?"

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001

"I don't know which one is better...Brooks or Helen's!!!"

...hmmmm. musta been Helen's delivery...

-- Anonymous, August 01, 2001