My family is waiting to hear about your plans for the weekend. Care to enlighten about life in the fast lane?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

Answers

appreciative people

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

Well,,,,,,,, It's going to be a busy weekend once agian.

Firstly I have to do my usual work for BIG BROTHER. As you well know I'm the voice over man and I'm doing the rehersals at this very moment for tonights big show, which will see me and Davina live on stage together.

After the party, I am having a few hours kip, before setting off for Glasgow. I'm watching Celtic with my mate Rod Stewart this weekend, I've also got a branch of Aldi's to open on Saturday in Livingston, which means that I've had to postpone my round of golf with my old mate Sean Connery yet again.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

Wot. No shaggin?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

No, I'm saving myself for Helen.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

Helen - who she?

(Thinks - I may live to regret that question......)

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

Helen is the Welsh contestant in Big Brother, she's going to be finishing as runner up (but don't tell anyone I told you). Anyway she's gaggin for it, and has confessed in the diary room that she fancies that lovely geordie voice over man.

She's not much to look at, but by all reports she's a bit of a goer and I wouldn't want to disapoint the poor girl.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001

Oh I forgot to mention, I had a phone call off Eddie Jordan earlier in the week asking me what it would take to get me back into Motor racing. I told him that I'd be up for it if the money was right. The next day he sacked Frentzen apparently after an argument about Frentzen being too slow. The real reason was Frentzen foot odour problem (but we won't go into that.

Anyway, now i'm having second thoughts, Do you think I should give it ago once again?

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2001