If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

-- Joke (dont@have.one), July 25, 2001