The Perfect Day ! FOR HER 8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8.30 Weigh in 5Ib lighter than yesterday

8.45 Breakfast in Bed. Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants

9.00 A small gift placed on breakfast tray is expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner

9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil

10.00 Light work out at club with handsome and funny personal trainer

10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, and blow dry

12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12.45 Catch sight of husband's/ boyfriend's ex. Notice she has gained twenty pounds

1.00 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit

3.00 Nap

4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist

4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe

7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with compliments received from other diners/ dancers

10.00 Hot shower (alone)

10.50 Carried to bed - (freshly ironed, crisp new linen)

11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

FOR HIM

6.00 Alarm

6.15 Blow job

6.30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section

7.00 Breakfast: Rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast all cooked by naked buxom wench

7.30 Limo arrives

7.45 Several whiskeys on route to the airport

9.15 Flight in personal Lear jet

9.30 Limo to riverside Oaks golf club (Blow job on route)

9.45 Play front nine (two under par)

11.45 Lunch: Pie chips and gravy...3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

12.15 Blow job

12.30 Play back nine (4 under par)

2.15 Limo back to the airport (several whiskeys)

2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo

3.30 Late afternoon fishing trip with all female crew (all nude)

4.30 Land world record Marlin - On light tackle

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by Elle McPherson

6.45 Shit, shower and shave

7.00 Watch news. Michael Jackson assassinated; Marijuana and porn legalised

7.30 Dinner: Lobster to start, Dom Perignon 1953, Big juicy steak followed by ice-cream served on a pair of tits

9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day. England beat Germany 11-0

9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)

11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with pizza snacks and a cleansing beer or two

11.30 A night cap blow job

11.45 In bed alone

11.50 A twelve second fart which changes notes 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

-- (hee@hee.hee), July 17, 2001

Answers

what's the big deal about showering alone?

-- (cin@cin.cin), July 17, 2001.

Perfect day.... Spent with a man who can cum 5,6,or 7 times.

-- noway (1111@2222.com), July 17, 2001.

This one's for you, al-d

A drunk stumbles onto a baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stagger down into the water and stands next to the minister.

The minister turns , notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, sir-l am."

The minister than dunks the drunk under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the minister asks.

"No l haven't!" says the drunk.

The minister then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and asks, "Now have you found Jesus?"

"No l have not!" bellows the drunk again.

Disgusted, the minister holds the drunk under for at least 30 seconds the third time, then brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God! Have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 16, 2001.

Here's the Darwin award of the day:

ASSAULT SUSPECT BETRAYED BY BEEPER IN LANCASTER

A beeper sounded the undoing for a hiding assault suspect. Arthur Van Meter, 31, was hiding in an apartment attic when deputies searching the residence decided to telephone his pager. "The deputies that reponded heard the beeper over their heads," said Deputy Dan Burdick of the Los Angeles County Sherrif's Department. After a four-hour standoff, Van Meter came out of the attic. He was arrested on a spousal-assault warrant.

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 17, 2001.

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a Sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a Spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said.........

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 18, 2001.

1 STAR HANGOVER (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.

2 STAR HANGOVER (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only acerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.

3 STAR HANGOVER (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'ed you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a litre of diet coke. You haven't peed once!!

4 STAR HANGOVER (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so-crucial spot shaving (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the class picture of High School in '56.

5 STAR HANGOVER (*****) AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of He11." You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next office. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there was a stranger in your bed when you left for work.

6 STAR HANGOVER (******) Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker." You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your buddy was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to get up before you the next morning... You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholicosmosis. You have a meeting at work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your 'horsey' pajamas and your 'bunny' slippers...

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 21, 2001.

1. Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have."

Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat

Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly

Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?"

Also Known As: She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady

Advantages: Pays attention to you.

Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans

3. Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps."

Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy

Advantages: Predictable

Disadvantages: Contagious

4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain

Advantages: Often right

Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair color?"

Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey

Advantages: Easily soothed

Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. I done it before. It's fun!"

Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"

Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.

Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"

Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic

Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable

Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

9. Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel."

Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One

Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited

Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 21, 2001.

I almost fell out of my chair at the end of that "Perfect day"! I still haven't stopped laughing. The hangover list is pretty good too. Thank you.

-- Little Pig (littlepig@brickhouse.huffnpuff), August 23, 2001.

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:___________________ Stage name: ____________________

Agent:___________________ Attorney:_______________________

Therapist name:_________________

Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?

Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________. *If you don't own a cell phone,please explain:________________________

Please check hair color:

Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green[ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)

[ ] Eating [ } Drinking Starbucks coffee [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Shaving (male or female) [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [ ] Snorting cocaine [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times

a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____ b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

a) Call the police to report the crime. b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase. c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.

d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should :

a) stop your car. b) keep driving and hope for the best. c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones. d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:

a) never drive over 5 MPH. b) drive twice as fast as usual. c) you're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

a) Prozac b) Zovirax c) Lithium d) Zanax e) Valium f) Zoloft g) All of the above h) None of the above *If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:

a) Less than 1 hour b) 1 hour c) 2 hours d) 3 hours e) 4 hours or more * If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:

a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready. b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway. c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:

a) using your directional signals. b) what is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often?

a) the wiper blades b) the belts c) the horn

Automatic door locks are good for:

a) security b) convenience c) messing with the heads of people trying to get in

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

a) dark, poorly lit roads b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

c) revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for:

a) watching for approaching cars b) watching for approaching police cars c) checking your hair

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 24, 2001.

A few life tips

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the #### alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

4. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

5. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

11. Dont squat with your spurs on.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

14. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 27, 2001.

This one's for Sumer

"Bubble Butt"

This wife wanted to do something special for her husband on their 20th wedding anniversary so she decided to get a tattoo. She goes to the tattoo parlor, and tells the guy why she wants to get a tattoo.

"Do you have any suggestions of what I should have tattooed?" she asks.

"Well, does your husband have any pet names for you?" he inquires.

"Why yes he does. He sometimes calls me Bubble Butt." she replied.

"Then that's it! We'll tattoo a "B" on each of your butt checks so that he will always remember Bubble Butt."

She gets the tattoo and goes home all excited about this gift she will be giving to her husband. He's sitting on the couch reading the paper and she starts to dance around the living room. She dances and dances and dances but she can't get him to turn his attention from the paper.

After a while she goes up to him, moves the paper, hikes up her skirt, bends over and says, "Look!"

He looks at her newly tattooed ass, feels a bit puzzled, and finally says, "Who's BOB?"

-- (hee@hee.hee), August 30, 2001.

And this one's for Boswell

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to breed them, so he hired his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

After a while the boy came into the living room where his father was talking with some friends. "Hey, Dad?" said the boy. "The bull just fucked the brown cow."

The room went silent. The father excused himself and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You could say 'The bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull surprises the white cow."

After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Dad?"

"Let me guess," said the father, "the bull surprised the white cow?"

"He sure did, Pop! He fucked the brown cow again!"

-- (hee@hee.hee), September 04, 2001.

The tatoo is now on my right ankle.

It is a heart with Mike on the inside. But thanks for the humor.

Midlife crisis coming on, time to log off. :-)

-- sumer (I@aint.sayin), September 04, 2001.

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the question, "Where did pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No Problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem, because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

-- (hee@hee.hee), September 08, 2001.

That IS a good one.

My 22 lb cat beat the hell out of a lab this weekend and Cat doesnt even have claws.

Blessed be the CAT.

and open up another can of pussy whup.!!!!

-- sumer (I@aint.sayin), September 10, 2001.

E-Mail Addict

You know you are an e-mail addict when...

You wake up at 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e- mail on the way back to bed.

You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 2.0 or higher."

You name your children Eudora, Mozillia and Dotcom.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You spend half the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.

You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

You laugh at people with 9600-baud modems.

You start using smilies in snail mail.

Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem .... and you succeed.

You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

You refer to going to the bathroom as "downloading."

You start introducing yourself as "JohnDoe at AOL dot com."

Your cat has its own home page.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

You can't call your mother .... she doesn't have a modem.

You check your e-mail. It says "No new messages." So you check it again.

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

You get up at 4:45 am and login so you can use the computer before your husband gets up and hogs it for the rest of the day!

-- (hee@hee.hee), October 04, 2001.

hee,

Now *THAT* was funny. :)

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), October 04, 2001.

OMG, that WAS funny!

(I need to send this to my neice.)

[Stephen, I tried to thank you by e-mail, but your address doesn't work. Why?]

-- (LadyLogic2000@yahoo.com), October 04, 2001.

Things you never hear a man say (well, most men)...

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool mother.

2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

3. Her tits are just way too big.

4. Sometimes I just want to be held. 5. That Rosie O'Donnell chick gives me a boner.

6. Sure! I'd love to wear a condom.

7. We haven't been to the mall in ages, let's go shop and I'll hold your purse. 8. Screw Monday Night Football, let's watch "Ally McBeal."

9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

10. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?

11. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.

12. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

13. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.

14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her. 15. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn. 16. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them anymore.

17. I understand. 18. This movie has way too much nudity.

19. Damn, we're late for church!

20. No! I don't want to see your sister's new tits.

21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

22. Put some panties on for Cripe's sake.

23. Eat something!! You are starting to look like a Victoria's Secret model!

24. Don't pick that up, I got it. 25. Happy Anniversary!!! 26. Hey, isn't today your mothers birthday? 27. Let's talk, I miss talking.

28. Gay men have rights too! 29. I am just too tired to have sex again today! 30. Are you losing weight, sweetie?

-- (hee@hee.hee), October 05, 2001.

Hints on when you can tell it is not going to be a good day:


- You wake up face down on the pavement.
- You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
- You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
- You see a '60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party but find there aren't any.
- Your twin brother forgot your birthday.
- You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes from the city.
- Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.
- You wake to discover your waterbed has sprung a leak and then realize you don't have a waterbed.
- Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- You call your answering service and you're told to mind your own business.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
- Your tax refund check bounces.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- Your pet rock snaps at you.
- Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill" and your name is George.


-- (hee@hee.hee), October 12, 2001.

Lawyer's secret...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him."

*****************************

"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."

"Why do you say that?"

"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250'."

-- (hee@hee.hee), October 12, 2001.

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%.

Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%.

First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future.

How does one achieve 100% in LIFE?

Begin by noting the following. If: A = 1 B = 2 C = 3 D = 4 E = 5 F = 6 G = 7 H = 8 I = 9 J = 10 K = 11 L = 12 M = 13 N = 14 O = 15 P = 16 Q = 17 R = 18 S = 19 T = 20 U = 21 V = 22 W = 23

X = 24 Y = 25

Z = 26 Then:

H A R D W O R K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%

Similarly, K N O W L E D G E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%

But interesting (and as you'd expect),

A T T I T U D E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% ...

. . .This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.

But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is:

B U L L S H I T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%.

-- (hee@hee.hee), October 19, 2001.