Is it a male thing, do we just don't have the circuits?

I was to pick up my daughter Rachel Saturday, but had to cancel, times are tough, next month should be better, etc...

She got real upset, then it dawned on me, this week was when her mom, Cheri, went in for surgery last year, then died...

I'm counting nickles and my daughter's heart is breaking...

I'm on my way to get her tomorrow, and I hope she forgives me...

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2001

Answers

Oh, Carl, I'm so sorry. You be careful on the road.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2001

Nah, it's not a male thing. It's a single parent thing--I did similar things, not too often, thank goodness. Don't worry, your daughter will be okay--its not as if you remembered a month from now. You'll still be in good time.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2001

Her fathers day card read "I may not need you to hold my hand any more, but I'll always need you to hold me in your heart"

Sniff..

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Carl, you're such a silly bugger! A daughter like that will forgive you anything. A big smooch to ya!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

((((Carl))))

Just tell her what you wrote in your post--she'll understand :)

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Listen to Git and BK...you are a very caring man, she knows that, and she understands ...it'll be fine!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Carl, Git's right; single parent syndrome.

She knows you'll be there tomorrow, explain the brain drain. Kids are smart, resilient, and understand a LOT more than we give 'em credit for. Chin up, dude!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

It's also that a death affects each one of us individually, and every death affects each of us differently.

Carl, make sure that today you paperclip a note onto the December page of your calendar reminding you to put Cheri's birth and death anniversaries on your 2002 calendar. And stick that note at the end of the 2002 calendar, so it is marked for 2003.

It's odd how even our bodies can know these dates. I had one of my dearest friends die after surgery a few years ago, and it utterly devastated me. Even three years later, when I thought I had my mourning finally under control, I found myself one day spending the whole day weeping, and only realized days afterward that it had been the anniversary of his death that day.

One book I especially recommend on understanding and dealing with grieving is Living with an empty chair by Roberta Temes.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001

I took Rachel home today, it was good for her, and for me, having her here. She brought tons of pictures she gathered from Cheri's belongings, some pictures I haven't seen in 15 years...

We talked a lot about her mom, and I filled her in on who the people were in the pictures, and where and when. It wasn't really a sad thing... it's kind of hard to describe. I think she's healing ok...

Well, it's on my calendar, I won't forget again.

-- Anonymous, July 21, 2001

Carl,

I'm so glad that things worked out. A daughters love for her Dad is one of the strongest in the world. Daddy's can do no wrong, no matter how hard they may try. (Not to mean that you tried or anything!)

Hope you got bunches of hugs and kisses from your 'little girl'.

Sheeps

-- Anonymous, July 22, 2001

Thanks Sheeps, I did... one of the treasures she brought was a video tape from when her mom and I took them to Bora Bora... Rachel was 1 1/2 years old then... watching her crawling around in the sand, while big brother practiced getting his mask just right (maybe that's where the Seal thing started :) ) I'll have to capture that and post for you guys..

She's a sweetie, but I wish she'd get off my ass about still being single.. she doesn't get why I'm not concerned about being single. Little shit even had the nerve to ask me if I was turning gay or something, in the check out line at the supermarket!

Whatever else I can say about my ex's, they left me some great kids... little mouthy suckers though... must have got it from their mothers...

-- Anonymous, July 23, 2001