http://ca.news.yahoo.com/010702/6/6uuk.html

Monday July 2 5:10 PM EST

Green garbage bags, zippers, ginger ale among Canada's contributions to world

By DENE MOORE

VANCOUVER (CP) - Where would the world be without green garbage bags, zippers and ginger ale? In the past 134 years, Canadians have made some wonderful, weird and sometimes dubious contributions to humankind. Were it not for Canadians, the world would be devoid of paint rollers, snowmobiles and five-pin bowling.

There would be no electric organ, green ink or multiplex movie theatres.

And yes, the recipe for Nanaimo bars comes from the British Columbian town of the same name.

Without Canada, time as we know it would end. Sir Sandford Fleming, a Scottish immigrant to the New World, devised the world's 24-zone standard time system.

"Canadians aren't boring in the least," says Will Ferguson, award-winning author of Canadian History for Dummies and Why I Hate Canadians.

Please see below for some Canadian jokes and a quiz

Politically, the country has staked its claim in the "radical middle," he says, but don't let that fool you.

Canadians are diverse, eclectic and eccentric, he says. And pragmatic.

Rather than wither in the winter cold, Canadians pulled the toques down over their ears and invented snowmobiles, the electric car heater and the snowblower.

Thank Canada for toboggans.

Canada comes from the native words meaning big village - much better than Efisga, Tuponia or Colonia. Those names were proposed for the motherland during debates on Confederation.

It is arguably the most ethnically diverse country in the world.

Canada has the highest population of Icelanders outside Iceland and the most Italians outside Italy.

"It's such a culturally diverse and interesting country that has geography and history and people that come from every corner of the globe," says Heritage Minister Sheila Copps. "That's what makes it really unique."

Unique is one way to put it.

Each month in each province there is at least one report of a UFO.

Of all the road accidents that occur in Canada, 0.3 per cent involve a moose.

And a Calgary tour company offers a course in igloo building.

Maybe such madness is what makes comedian Rick Mercer feel so lucky to be Canadian.

"I just always feel... that we won the Lotto and anyone who was born in Canada or has come to Canada, you won the Lotto," says Rick Mercer, star of CBC's hit comedies Made in Canada and This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

"You know, Canadians don't take themselves that seriously, and quite often we're self-deprecating and that's a character trait I admire greatly in an individual and so I admire it in a nation," says Mercer, who will spend Canada Day working on Made In Canada, albeit from a hammock in his back yard.

Canadians may not take themselves seriously, but they do some seriously strange stuff.

Canada holds the world record for the highest stunt freefall for a 1,100 foot plunge from the CN Tower.

The world's oldest snowboarder hits the slopes in Canada. Wong Yui Hoi, of British Columbia, took up the sport at 75 according to the folks at Guiness.

Canadian Jack McKenzie, 77, is the oldest person to ski to the north pole.

Those months spent with scant daylight hiding from frostbite may go a long way to explain some other Canadian, uh, accomplishments.

Canada boasts the longest gum wrapper chain in the world - 10,387 metres- according to the Guiness book of world records, and the most push-ups in an hour - 3,416.

Canadians hold the record for pogo-stick jumping and the largest hug. They baked the world's largest cherry pie, made the world's largest block of cheese and hold the world kissing title for the most couples smooching simultaneously.

Maybe it's not cabin fever, but brain freeze. A 7-Eleven store in Winnipeg sells more Slurpees per capita than anywhere else in the world.

Canadians eat more Kraft dinner and Albertans more Jello. Details were not available on the favoured flavour.

Canadians have such an imagination they try to take credit for basketball and the telephone, says Ferguson.

"They'll claim the telephone as a Canadian invention. Alexander Graham Bell was born in Scotland, educated in Scotland and most of his research took place in Boston... but that doesn't matter because he lived in Canada," Ferguson says.

Yet Canada claims basketball because James Naismith was born in Canada, although he came up with the sport while living in the U.S.

But there's no denying that Toronto's Joe Shuster was co-creator of that greatest of American heroes, Superman.

And who else but the first nation of hockey could have invented Plexiglas, the goalie mask or the referee whistle?

Since beer is practically a sport unto itself in Canada, Vancouver's Steve Pasjack came up with those built-in, tuck-away handles for beer cases in 1957.

And women can blame Canada. Montreal's Canadelle company invented the push-up bra in 1964 and Dennis Colonello invented the abdominizer in 1984.

Our greatest achievement?

"I think Canada's greatest achievement is Canada, just the existence of this country, this wildly diverse, huge, rich, quirky, wonderful country," Ferguson says.

Some Canadian jokes:

Proper spelling of Canada: C eh N eh D eh

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On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall

have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

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Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals.

France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant."

America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit."

Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire."

The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"

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A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's Brewing Facility outside of Toronto. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.

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In Canada we have two seasons - six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

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You Know You're Canadian When:

- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

- You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

- The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

- You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.

- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.

- You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

- You know what a toque is.

- You've plugged a car in overnight.

- You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.

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Q: How do you get the Canadian paparazzi off your front lawn?

A: You say "Please get off my front lawn."

Sources: Thanks to the Internet debris of the Canadian Centre for Global Supremacy, Sofine's Canadian Jokes and Durty Dan's Canadian Corner, among others.

So, you think you're a capital-C canuck, eh? Test your native know-how on this test from Canadian History for Dummies, by Will Ferguson:

Q: How long did the Seven Years War last?

A: Nine years (1754-63). The war, a final conflict between Britain and France over control of the continent, raged for two years in North America before being "officially" declared.

Q: Who was known as "the Holy Terror" by her opponents?

A: Women's rights crusader Nellie McClung, who was instrumental in winning the vote for women in Canada. Manitoba was first, in 1916, followed closely by Saskatchewan and Alberta. The last province to grant women the vote was Quebec, in 1940.

Q: In which of the following years did Americans invade Canada? 1775? 1812? 1838? or 1866?

A: All of the above. And in each case, the U.S. invaders were pushed back. In 1812, the population of Upper Canada was 80,000. The population of the United States was 7.5 million but they still couldn't take us.

Q: Where on earth would you find Colonia, Tuponia or Efisga?

A: Canada. All three names were among those proposed for the new country during debates on Confederation in the 1860s. Colonia, from colony. Tuponia from The United Provinces of North America. And Efisga from English, French, Irish, Scottish, German and Aboriginal.

Source: Canadian History for Dummies, by Will Ferguson, published by CDG Books Canada.

-- Tidbit (of@the.day), July 12, 2001

Answers

Just out of curiosity, how many Americans know who's the Prime Minister of Canada?

-- I know (who@Bush.is), July 12, 2001.

Before any (fellow?) Canadians start getting into the "I know more then an American" mindframe can I ask if they (Canadians) also know the leaders of countries such as Mexico, France, Japan, etc. ?

Besides, Americans will learn everything they need to know shortly before they have to send the bombers over. ;-)

-- The Toner (the_toner@home.com), July 12, 2001.

What! Canada has a Prime Minister?!!

-- David L (bumpkin@dnet.net), July 12, 2001.

I can't remember---the Canadian PM is either Mackenzie King or Pierre Trudeau.

-- Lars (larsguy@yahoo.com), July 12, 2001.