How to make yourself popular with your new fans?

i> Argentina starlet Nicolas Medina has snubbed Sunderland and is poised to set up residence in neighbouring Newcastle because it is "more lively". Medina who signed for The Black Cats for an initial £2.5million a day before the end of the season is ready to buy a flat overlooking St James' Park because he believes Sunderland is too quiet. "Sunderland is OK, but I'm going to live in Newcastle because it's more lively and the Geordies are very friendly. I hope to meet some nice girls in Newcastle Quayside and Bigg market. Sunderland dosen't have very many nice girls my friend Julio Arca tells me, so I go to Newcastle, the capital of North England.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

Answers

Argie Players.

Don't you just love em?

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

Ah, the wisdom of youth!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

He might as well get an appropriate tee shirt while he's on.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

"Medina who signed for The Black Cats for an initial £2.5million a day"

Jeez, that's how he can afford to live in the toon and visit the quayside.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

Bollox did he say that.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

Reel 'im in Rik.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001

Maybe that Alta-Vista babbelfish translator is faulty?

Nah, he said it, I' sure of it.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2001