Bob Hope was on 'Surprise Surprise', and bragged that despite his 97 year

of age, he could still have sex three times a night. After the show, Cilla

said, "Bob, if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older

man. Let's go back to my place. So they go back to her place and have great

sex. Afterwards, Bob says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for a

half hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my

testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand."

Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay."

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.

Then Bob says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for

an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my testicles in your

left hand, and my penis in your right hand." Cilla is now used to the

routine and complies.

The results are mind blowing.

Once its all over , and the cigarettes are lit, Cilla asks "Bob, tell

me, does my holding your testicles in my left hand and your penis in my

right stimulate you while you're sleeping?" Bob replies, "No, but the last

time I slept with a Scouser, she stole my wallet."



-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Answers

classy

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Excellent.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

best I've heard today!!!!!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

The following test consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for the answers. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

1.How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way. 2.How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Incorrect answer: open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and shut the refrigerator. > Correct answer: open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight. 3.The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional. 4.You reach a river. You are told it is filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Correct answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability. If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you. If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there’s hope for you. If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint. If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It’s the only way you will ever make any money. If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law or politics.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Please don't tell me that that one wasn't meant as a joke, cos it sounds like it could have been devised by some clever shite management consultancy as a real test.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Nice joke Gav.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Canny joke Gav, last time I heard it (over 20 years ago!), Cilla was Diana Ross and the Scouser was an "African American".

;7)

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001