Well team, I shall now be going AWOL (Absent Without Laptop - or more specifically a place to plug it into.) So I'm signing off here for at least a couple of days - hope to be back in the not too distant.

So you can talk about me all you like - I know you all think I'm paranoid. But lest the general level of despair on here sinks any further, let me leave you with these words to be chanted softly to yourself as a meditative mantra (just make damned sure nobody can here you otherwise the men in white coats will be round.)

THIS IS WOR YEAR!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Answers

Absent Poster.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

I hope you are coming up to SJP to stake a claim for the Asst Manager's post. Look after yourself.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Hurry back sweaty - er sweety. :-))

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

Last time Jonno predicted T.I.W.Y we were runners up. That'll do for me.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

good enuff fer me too TIWY!!!!!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

CU when I get back Hinney. Goood luck Bonny Lad.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

er, 13th i seem to recall, t p w b o y

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

And lost in the FA cup....final. Yeah, I could deal with another cup run like that. :-) Come back soon, Jonno!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2001

My slight return here is courtesy of Tesco's new internet cafe at Kingston Park. (I fitted snow chains to the car and forced my way through).

BTW has anyone ever wondered about the dire predictions of global warming and been puzzled as they huddle round the central heating in July? I have a new theory that KP is a sort of black hole for warmth. It is basically sucking all the earth's heat into the one place and destroying it, thus equalising, nay, even reversing the global warming effect. I'm logging out now - I may be some time ...

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Global warnings bah, more interested in the revalation, (to me that is that the following is going to happen , the geoligists/scientists are not sure when -: La Palma in the Canaries is made up baically of two volcano`s, one dormant, one live with a visible Midge Ure (fissure) running the length. In the not so distant future , three quarters of half the Island will slide into the Atlantic, thus causing one helluva splash and creating a monster wave which will head off at a great rate of knots, ever lengthening , increasing in power until approx 8 hours later it hits the American Eastern Seaboard , encroaches a wee bit on Boston Ciarra, but dinns fret hinny, you are reasonably safe, from New York to Miami will bear the brunt of it and the outcome is pretty fearsome to say the least. Something smaller happened in Alaska and I beleive the message of the Brit geoligists and American academics. Horizon programme the other night is source , non surfer!!!

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Oh stop, Buff. Our so-called president tells us there's no such thing as global warming, so it must be true. To borrow one of Clarky's favorite words..."Tosser!" Hope the Shrub drowns in the tidal wave. ;-)

BTW...great to see you back, Jonno! And internet cafe at Tesco's?!! If it's any cheaper than the Internet Exchange, I know where I'll be headed next time I'm in Toon. :-)

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Saw that Horizon programme Buff - scary stuff! Actually, I only watched it cos I thought they said it was about the "Toon Army". Turns out they call these tidal wave things "Tsunamis" - a Japanese word. Ah well.

As Buff has indicated, sometime in the next few hundred years - but entirely unpredictably - an earthquake will cause a huge part of the island of La Parma in the Canaries to crash into the Atlantic. This will create a mega-ToonArmi 600 metres high (think about it!) and 60-70 miles deep to cross the Altantic in a few hours and utterly devastate a 20 mile wide strip of of the East coast of the US from Boston all the way to Miami.

Maybe moving back to the Toon wasn't such a dumb move after all!

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

'scuse me. I know it's a long time since I studied physics, but from a practical point of view, last time I dropped something into a bowl of water, the ripples spread outwards, and not just in one direction. Perhaps this Tsunami will head westwards, but I also suspect there might be a bit of reaction in other directions. Beware high tides in North Shields bonnie lad ;-)

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

...... you know, I'm beginning to understand how superkev feels!
Have I become an honourary mackem Screach?

Speculating for a moment on the "facts" as presented by Horizon, it is the south-west side of the island that is predicted to fall into the sea. Given that the remainder of the island will attentuate the waves in other than a south-westerly direction then the major part of the mega-Toonarmi is likely to head off in that direction, ie. towards the US.
Nevertheless, having been alerted to the danger I will now be careful to roll me troosers up past me knees when plodging at Cullercoats - just in case, leyk.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

Best ti be prepared lyek Clarky. Yi divvent want ya candy floss gannin soggy, eh? And wot aboot the boonce back? Cud be nasty that cud.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2001

There's more. There's more. The Amazon rain forest which currently is one of the reasons why the greenhouse effect isn't as noticeable as it was predicted to be, because the greenery is taking up vastly more amounts of Co2 than was thought possible, will shortly, over the course of just a few years, completely reverse the process.

The result will be a worldwide greenhouse effect that will be correspondingly much worse than was predicted. The effect of this megatoonarmy thingy is a minor blip compared with the effect of all this Co2 pouring into the atmosphere.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

The Boro are well prepared for all this and are cleverly acclimatising themselves in preparation ...

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I'm certain it's not an earthquake that's gonna knock the side of the island off, isn't it to do with the build up of water in the non-porous sections of rock which will provide the pressure to force the section of island in question up and then act as a water slide?

Anyway....forgive me for saying Ciara but it's a shame it's only gonna take a 20k swipe at the eastern side of the country....Bush should be shot for his stance on global warming.....then again so should most of the major industrial nations, Kyoto didn't go anywhere near far enough....

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I heard it was all a global conspiracy. The US government in league with the EU are allowing a steady influx of alien beings who can take human form, onto our planet. However their body temperature is 2-3 degrees higher than ours hence the overall rise in temperature.

Obviously these interplanetary immigrants have not yet reached Kingston Park which accounts for the strange 'cold hole' effect often noticed there.

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Gav,
You are quite correct in your mega-Toonarmi assessment, but they said they felt the most likely trigger for the catostrophic event would be a local earthquake.
BTW, agree with you ref Kyoto, and Bush's immature, irresponsible and parochial stance is a national disgrace for the United States - not to even mention being unstatesmanlike. Pathetic tosser!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Shrub should be shot for existing!

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

Hmm - never tried that approach with my shrubs. Perhaps that's where I went wrong. Anybody wanna swap a (slightly) used hedge trimmer for a DBS?

-- Anonymous, July 16, 2001

I thought blue whales guffing gas released more CO2 than a small town's traffic polution? Anyone know a local Norwegian / Japanese whaling fleet?

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2001