"Ouch!

A COLUMBIAN peasant heeding a call from nature got more than he bargained for when he encountered a poisonous Mapana-tigre snake, according to a local newspaper.

Victor Sena, 63, was out in his fields in the northern town of Lorica in Cordoba department when his wife heard a blood-curdling scream.

When she arrived, she found, attached to her husband's penis, the snake, which excretes a poisonous venom with every lash of its fangs.

"He didn't want to do anything to dislodge it," Gilma Fuentes told the newspaper, so Sena and his slithering nemesis were taken, together, to a hospital, where doctors applied an antivenom serum.

Sena is recovering nicely from the mishap, a miracle according to the newspaper, which noted that residents of Lorica have an ingrained fear of the venomous creatures.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

Answers

And another thing. . .

Two die in fish dismemberment

PORT MORESBY Friday 6 July 2001

Two Papua New Guinea fishermen have bled to death after having their penises bitten off by pirahna-like river fish.

The fish, which zero in on urine streams in the water, have struck terror among villagers along the Sepik River, in north-western PNG.

Authorities believe the killer fish is an introduced member of the South American pacu family and a relative of the piranha.

In both of last month's fatalities, the fish demonstrated a trait of the piranha by following a trail of urine in the water, swimming to its source and then biting it off with razor-sharp teeth.

Some believe the killer may be a food-source fish introduced from Brazil in 1994 by the United Nations Food and Agricultural Organisation and the PNG National Fisheries Authority.

However, marine biologist and aquaculturist Ian Middleton said he believed they were a different species, introduced from across the PNG-Indonesia border.

He believed the fish had started biting humans because of a lack of naturally occurring food. "The reason for biting people on their genitals is a result of the fish detecting a chemical change in the water, swimming up the urine trail and biting the genitals."

This behavior was well documented in the Amazon, he said.

The director of the PNG Office of Environment and Conservation, Dr Wari Iamo, yesterday expressed "grave concern and dissatisfaction" at the way some government agencies and donor organisations had gone about importing exotic plant and animal species.

- AAP

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

Must be a piss poor news day, huh?

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

hahahahahahaha OUCH!!!!!

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

Those fish are known locally as Lorena fish. :)

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

Cats, snakes and now fish... plus AIDS from oral sex too...

Is Mother Nature pissed about something?

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

A pacu showed up in our small town pond. The fisherman was suspicious when he heard the fish he just caught chomping its teeth.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

"chomping its teeth"??? Great googly moogly!

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2001

So why were they peeing in the water anyway?

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2001

They don't listen to their mothers. [solemn look]

We do make all these admonitions for a reason, y'know.

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2001

If guys don't hit the water, that means they missed ... and women don't like it when guys miss ...

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2001