This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state. 1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure as hell deserves it. 2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way. 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it. 4. Any references to "cornfed" when talking about our women will get your ASS kicked...by our women. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for..bait. 6. Pull your pants up. You look kike an idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. The Jackrabbits and the Coyotes are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks..and a dang sight more fun to watch. 9.No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off he two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass wth two packets of sugar and a long spoon. 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. 11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we drive two weeks a year. 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks...because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. 14. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and frogs. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 15. They are cattle and hogs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? US 95 and US 12 will get ya headed in the right direction. 16. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 17 Yeah,we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish. 18 No we can't shoot the doves. They're songbirds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that one. Enjoy your visit.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 04, 2001

Answers

Only psychos and animal fuckers live in Idaho. You are a prime example.

-- (we thought@you.were gone), July 04, 2001.

Boswell, who blew smoke up your skirt today? You sound like you're defending yourself from a bunch of ignorant criticism by turning the tables.

Nobody who has their head screwed on straight really gives a damn whether your women hunt, fish or drive pickups - least of all a feminist. Let 'em. For all I care they can do as they please. None of my business what they do.

Sushi is food. Some people eat it. Some people don't. Get over it.

Some people don't want to eat meat. It's a free country. Get over it.

If you are stupid enough invite some idiot into your blind who is stupid enough to bring a cell phone and not turn off the ringer, then he's your problem. Not only is shooting him unneighborly, but you're going to make such a mess of that blind you probably won't be able to use it again that season.

Who says I work out at the gym? I don't. I wouldn't set foot in one of those joints on a bet.

You don't like how I drive? I don't like people who think its OK to act like a complete asshole because they don't like the way someone else drives. Learn to share. Or did you miss that day at kindergarten?

Lesson? Barge in here and start tossing around insults in every direction, and you'll better be wearing your grannie's cast iron skillet inside the seat of your pants, because some kicks are coming that way.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

-- Little Nipper (canis@minor.net), July 05, 2001.

Boswell,

Thanks for the light hearted look at life in the rural areas. Its a pity that the previous responders didn't read your email addy and maybe they too could enjoy some fun down on the farm.

I do believe that these rules could even be modified slightly to suit tourists to New Zealand.

-- Malcolm Taylor (taylorm@es.co.nz), July 05, 2001.

Boswell is an idiot, he fucks cows. If it weren't for the target practice it wouldn't even be worth stopping on my way through Idaho. I shoot people who fuck cows. Then I laugh and drive on.

-- (urban road warrior @ with cellphone. in SUV), July 05, 2001.

Hey there Urban Road Warrior! It doesn't surprise me at all that you need a lot of target practice to learn how to shoot straight. We were all born straight shooters in this state. Don't need no practice. People like you have been bendin the rules, talkin out of the corner of your mouth, and walkin the crooked streets for years. We have roads though instead of streets and the 90 degree corners are a bitch if you don't slow down if you are used to the fast lane.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

Bos, If you had a brain you might be dangerous. People don't like you and thats why you try to strike up conversations on the Internet. Why do you crave this attention? You look foolish.

People haven't like me much either since "Dairy of a Madman". I learned something from that. Did you?

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

All you limp wristed city types are really jealous of Boswell because he lives a real life in a beautiful state largely devoid of losers like yourselves. Quit being such crybabies. He's also right about country folk being much better shots than city slickers.

-- Maybe (a@future.Idahoan), July 05, 2001.

Hey there Vincent, I have probably just as many people that approve of what I say, as those like you that say they hate me. I tend to think that I strike a nerve once in a while with a potty-mouth Dufus as yourself. You thought you got rid of me? Shows how narrow minded one becomes when your life is centered around a computer screen.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

Don’t be such a stranger Bos, we miss your special brand of humor….at least most of us do. Some, like the ‘little nipper’, are so intent on forming an argument that the obvious is lost on them. But, that is what makes this forum so special and keeps folks coming back for more.

Hope everyone had a great 4th!

-- So (cr@t.es), July 05, 2001.

I love you Boswell! That was cute.

-- helen had wood thieves hit the front yard again (tourists_think_my_wood_belongs@to.the.state), July 05, 2001.

You're calling me a potty mouth? I don't cuss! YOU are the one with the filthy mouth and temperment. People like helen who suffer from amnesia might forget some of your earlier posts, but I haven't.

"...that I want to have a gunfight out in the mainstreet of Pasco with him or to tell him I'm goin to kick em in the ass so hard he'll have to swallow to take a shit?

-- Boswell (cjseed@webtv.net), March 09, 2001."

"But I figured out the other day I am one after all because I watched one of them X movies and kind of liked watchin two women goin at it. And they were called lesbians cause they loved likken pussy and I do to, so I think that makes me a true Lesbian!

-- Boswell (cjseed@webtv.net), March 04, 2001"

I'll revise what I said. People like you WILL find people on the Internet to talk to. The world is full of losers and loonies.

-- (Vincent Price@Madman .Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

Vincent for Pete's sake, pull them panties out of your ass and lighten up a bit. You got me on that one! That was after I had a six pack and I wasn't in control. But you sure as hell proved my point by pullin that all up. You got way too much free time on your hands and that keyboard and screen are key elements in your search for a better tomorrow. Shut er off and pull your pants back up and go out and get some sunlight!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

I think, like most folks, Bos has his "moments." He tends to treat others much like they treat him. I've never had a discourse with Boswell that I didn't enjoy.

I enjoy the stories from the farm life that Boswell posts, and this one was no exception.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 05, 2001.

I have amnesia?

-- helen (what@did.you.say), July 05, 2001.

Do I have amnesia?

-- helen (say@that.again), July 05, 2001.

Trying to change the topic huh? We've all been together long enough to recognize that ploy. It took me less than five minutes to look those posts up with search engines. Your attempt to deflect critism is pathetic.

You are a twisted individual regardless of whether or not Anita or helen approves of you. Don't think I've forgotten when you threatened to kill Capn Fun because he wears an earring. If it were up to me, people like you wouldn't be allowed on the Internet. If I were a judge, I would have sentenced you to a lifetime without access to a computer. You are a loose canon and I have no doubt some day an unwitting victim like Anita or helen will be the target of your psychosis. I'm also sure there are people in your home town know what a fruitcake you are and I'm just here to warn these people here.

You are dangerous. Quit blaming it on your booze.

-- Welcome to the House of Usher (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

Hey there Vincent, why don't you take that search engine and stuff it up your hiny , turn the headlite on, toot the whistle and blow some smoke up there. While your at it, pull up where I threatened to kill Capnfun cause he wore an earring. Oh and by the way it appears that the only nut that wants to carry on a conversation with me is you. Looks like you've got yourself all figured out!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

Do you deny writing a post saying you would shoot him if you could?

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

Yo Boz, I wear an earring too. I shoot back though, heehee.

-- Uncle Deedah (unkeed@yahoo.com), July 05, 2001.

Let me ask that a little bit better. Do you deny you wrote you wanted to shoot men who wear earrings? Do you deny calling them fags?

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

Well I'll tell ya what Vince, I don't ever remember threatening to kill anybody except that fine human specimen named Manny and even then I was goin to give him a fair chance out in the middle of the street. If you will recall most of what I wanted to do to that nimrod was knock his slobber loose and make him kiss asphalt. But pull it up anyway bout Capnfun, it'll give you some entertainment this afternoon. And Unc, as far as earrings go I got kids that have tried them. It's them damn baggy pants and them damn things in their tongues that kids wear nowadays that drives me to hide in the cherry tree.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

Jeeeesus HHHH. Cheeerist. You know damn well I didn't mean to call anybody a fag. If I did that I sincerely apologize. To me that word is also offensive. Next time I'll use the term BUTTRANGER!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

You lying snake! You said anyone who wears an earring is a fag!

I'm going to find that thread even though looking up a specic thread takes longer.

In the meantime - CapnFun, do you remember the thread?

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

Vincent, Boswell is funny. Boswell says un-pc things that no one takes seriously. He's the redneck version of Archie Bunker. I wouldn't trust him to babysit my goats, mind you, but why should I be afraid of him?

-- helen (vincent@chill.babe), July 05, 2001.

Helen, look into my eyes and follow the swinging pendulum. Do you find yourself getting sleepy. Try and think of pleasant things. Listen to the waves. You are getting sleepier. sleepier. sleep sleep slep s s s s I am now counting sheep no its a goat a lot ofgoats white goats blackgoatsredgoats wow itbe a whole dam heard of goats.............

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

It hurts my neck to wave my head back and forth like that. Who could sleep? Before you go touching my goats in an impure manner, mind you the mule behind you is armed.

-- helen (huh@nope.nope), July 05, 2001.

Never in my whole life has that ever happened. I'm been able to hypnotize chickens and groundhogs and bout everybody I ever tried it on but thats the first time I ever mesmerized myself! I didn't even know what the hell happened untill the Schwann's Ice Cream man knocked on the door and then I updated the posts and saw what I had done. I'm pourin me a scotch and settin on the porch for awhile. I'll be back and go round with Vince baby in a little while.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

Boswell, the mule -- he wears an earring.

-- helen (gack@got.to.go.to.work), July 05, 2001.

Since no one cares that Bos spewed hateful garbage about people who wear earrings, or the rest of the crap from the past, I guess it's pointless to look it up.

Like I said earlier, Bos - you will find all kinds of losers and lunatics to talk to on the Internet. Have fun.

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

Like I said earlier, Bos - you will find all kinds of losers and lunatics to talk to on the Internet. Have fun.

Here's the "rally around MY opinion", designed to thwart any opinion in Boswell's defense. Afterall, who would say anything positive about Boswell after you suggested that anyone who would is a loser or lunatic?

Boswell and I have never agreed on ANYTHING. HE knows that, and *I* know that. We accept that about each other. HE knows that I've got my city/liberal ways, and *I* know that HE has his rural/conservative ways. I know plenty of urban folks who don't like earrings in men. I know a guy who went off when his son came home with an earring. It wouldn't bother ME if my son wore an earring. It wouldn't bother me if one of my white daughters dated a black guy, either. It might bother Boswell, but he isn't HERE, and he isn't in charge of MY kids. He has HIS ideas, I have MY ideas, and that's what makes the world go round, IMO. I may very well be a loser or even a lunatic, but I'm not going to ignore Boswell's posts just because YOU think one way or another.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 05, 2001.

Well to all you city slickers I think Boswells terms are right on the money. To bad theres not more people like him we would live in a better society. Especially all you drugy fucks who ought to have your ass kicked anyway. Or maybe they have fried your brain and your to fucking stupid to know the true meaning of living the good country life. Go Boz!

-- Carlos the Jackal (MBsports@webtv.net), July 05, 2001.

Vincent ya whiner, there is a lot said here that no one actually takes seriously...except for you. quitcherbitchen already.

-- (cin@cin.cin), July 05, 2001.

I don’t recall Cap sporting an earring, but I purposely avoided checking out the right ear too closely. ;>)

-- So (cr@t.es), July 05, 2001.

cin, if you can't take someone at their word, what have you got?

Thank you, Anita. Since a hardcore unemployable like you, who is so dumb she sits at her computer talking to Internet boards all day instead of finding a job to get insurance for her broken bone will talk to Bos, then I don't know what else will prove what I said. Bos will find losers to talk to.

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

I don't get that right-ear comment

-- (please@esplain.), July 05, 2001.

I can answer that question about the right ear thing. If you wear an earring in your right ear than you are kind of partial to the old Carol Burnett Show. Ed Sullivan liked all his fans to wear one on their left ear and ole Carol liked hers to favor the right ear. That was a sign that she appreciated her fans cause they kept her ratings up and it allowed her to make the big bucks!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 05, 2001.

Thank you, Anita. Since a hardcore unemployable like you, who is so dumb she sits at her computer talking to Internet boards all day instead of finding a job to get insurance for her broken bone will talk to Bos, then I don't know what else will prove what I said. Bos will find losers to talk to.

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 05, 2001.

******

Vince, that was funny, damn truth too!

-- LOL (LOL@LOLL.org), July 05, 2001.

Guns are neat, Guns are sweet Guns the tool, what makes you cool. Guns are fine, Guns are mine Guns are things, that Jesus brings!

Guns for loonies, Guns for cons Guns for Moonies, Guns for moms!

Guns are fun for everyone, buy them up by the ton. Guns for me, Guns for you, Guns for nuts and children too! Guns at home, Guns at work, Guns at play, Guns berserk!

Tons and tons of great big Guns, Are tons and tons of great big fun!

I've got Guns up my nose tween my ears and by my toes. I'm no fool, I'm so cool, I take Guns to my school. I take Guns in my car, to the store and to the bar. I got Guns in a drawer in my pocket and on the floor. I got Guns on the wall, on the toilet and in the hall.

I got guns in my bed, one is growing from my head! Get a Gun and get it fast, gun-gun shoot-shoot is a blast!

-- I tote (Itote@Itote.tote), July 05, 2001.

I take pride in owning a CWP and packing a Colt 45 1911-A1 but I can't top that one!

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 06, 2001.

Boswell,

How in the world do you conceal a Colt 45 1911-A1? Or do you have open carry out in Idaho?

-- J (Y2J@home.comm), July 06, 2001.

ROFLMAO @ "I Tote."

Absolutely hilarious! Thanks! My lady friend and I loved it!

-- Already Done Happened (oh.yeah@it.did.com), July 06, 2001.

J, the answer to your question is this. The Colt is a big Auto but it is also a very thin profile weapon with a single stack clip that does not bulge. I carry it in a simple leather loop holster that rides high and conceals well under a vest. It rides well in a vertical shoulder holster too. In my opinion, there is no other handgun that has the balance and firepower that this 90 year old design has.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 06, 2001.

Now that you know a little more about this gun totting, gay bashing, lesbian loving, hate spewing - psycho, would anyone besides J and Anita invite Bos to a gathering? (We already know Anita and J would. Anita would get drunk with the devil himself and J IS the devil himself!)

(That is a rhethorical question.)

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 06, 2001.

Bos, I’d be honored to make your acquaintance and you have an open invitation to party at the beach sometime. Hey Vince, you’re welcome to visit as well.

Ever done any ‘fly’ fishing?

-- So (cr@t.es), July 06, 2001.

At first I didn't understand Vince's bashing of a joke thread but the view of Anita made it worthwhile.

-- LOL (what@moron.who.does.not.know.anything), July 06, 2001.

At first I didn't understand Vince's bashing of a joke thread but the view of Anita made it worthwhile.

I'm getting a lot of laughs out of this, myself.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 06, 2001.

Thanks for the offer, Socrates. But, I think I'll pass on this one. I always thought fly fishing was for little boys who were afraid of deep sea fishing. You must be Brian or FS.

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire),), July 06, 2001.

Heh, heh…is that you’re final answer? Ya know Vince, seeing how as my ‘fly’ reference didn’t even stir a hair, I’ve had to rethink my offer.

You need to stay off the water.

-- So (cr@t.es), July 06, 2001.

Boswell, please attend the next gathering. It would be really cool to meet you. But please do not kill any frogs or other defenseless critters in my presence. =)

Vincent, you are either a chick or you are lacking some serious testosterone. Nothing worse than a whiny grown man ugh

-- (cin@cin.cin), July 06, 2001.

Sorry, Socrates old man. My apologies. I thought you were someone else.

cin, my wife thinks I have plenty of testosterone, thank you. But, then unlike you, she doesn't need a dozen or more men in her life.

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 06, 2001.

"Nothing worse than a whiny grown man ugh"

Cin, you've got that right.

-- Dr. Phibes (the@real_Vincent_Price_will_haunt.you), July 06, 2001.

um vince...this is what she TELLS you (heh)

and gee, have I really cut it down to a dozen?

ps...right earrings and fly fishing...hmmmmmm freudian slips?

-- (cin@cin.cin), July 06, 2001.

She tells me that because she means it. You can't be married for 41 years and have lots of secrets. You are projecting what you would do. I know you are because women like you are a dime a dozen. Cheap, phony and easily accessible.

Do you really have to cut it down to a dozen? No. Knock yourself out. You'll always find suckers (no pun intended).

Would you care to elaborate on that freudian slip remark?

-- (Vincent@Price.Madman Extraordinaire), July 06, 2001.

GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!

It's a new day! I love you all!

What're we talking about?

-- helen's night job is gonna keeeeelllll her... (third@shift.hurts), July 06, 2001.

Well vince (Z is that you? netghost?), it looks like you don't know me as well as you thought you did. Must you take everything so literally? {major eye roll}

Do carry on with your whining, but please understand, I'll have to tune you out. =)

And oops, the freudian comment was directed towards soc

-- (cin@cin.cin), July 06, 2001.

ps...I am NOT phony

-- (cin@cin.cin), July 06, 2001.

Gay bashing AND lesbian loving???

Is that possible?

And....and....what's wrong with loving lesbians? does that mean watching is wrong too? heehee

-- (lesbian@porn.excites me), July 06, 2001.

Cin,

Cheap and accessible? My kinda gal! I think you are right about the lack of teststerone. My first thought in reading Vinny was is this LL again?

BTW, what's wrong with my earring?

P.S. Hi J I love you! Your technical interest over what Bos is packing out in "I da Ho" does concern me though.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), July 06, 2001.

Jack Booted Thug,

I appreciate the kind words, but I am unable to reciprocate at this time. Nothing personal mind you, it's just that I don't even know you.

As far as my technical interest in Boswell's firearm concerning you, that's perfectly understandable. After all, you are a "Jack Booted Thug", right? : )

-- J (Y2J@home.comm), July 07, 2001.

I got a question that somebody might be able to answer. Why do a lot of straight guys like to watch a couple of gals kissin fish and and they don't like to watch a couple of guys fly fishin? And does that mean that most straight gals don't like to see two gals kissin fish but they do like to see two guys fly fishin?

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 07, 2001.

Ahem.

-- Mrs. Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), July 07, 2001.

Boswell, it makes no sense to me but, the thought of two girls is a turn-on, while the thought of two men is...well...not. I don't get it either.

-- (a@straight.gal), July 07, 2001.

I've fished, Boswell, but I've never kissed a fish. [Do some people actually kiss fish?] Did I miss an innuendo here?

I'd really like to visit you and the missus on your farm some day, Boswell. I haven't been to a working farm in YEARS. I could help slop whatever needs slopping and shovel manure, etc. In the evening, I'd LOVE to listen to those tales you spin. Do you know anyone who has a ratty old pair of boots to lend a city slicker? I wouldn't mind paying the airfare, but I refuse to pop for a new pair of boots that I'd only wear for a few days. I have family visiting until maybe September. Is it too cold in Idaho in September to curl up in a sleeping bag on the porch?

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), July 07, 2001.

Whoa, there, Anita! If you want to help out on a real farm...

-- helen's got extra boots and a shovel (my@farm.first), July 07, 2001.

All right, who told my wife about this place?

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), July 07, 2001.

The pool boy.

-- Young (and@hung.com), July 07, 2001.

I gots to share this true story which happened this morning. My youngest boy JD 23 years old, told me that two nites ago he heard something out side of his trailer so he grabbed his SIG 45 Auto and went out cocked and locked. He said he couldn't find bear, coyote, or man so he went back to bed. Well last nite he was watchin a movie and said he's always dry firing that SIG. He forgot he threw one in the chamber the night before and he nailed his television dead center. The smoke alarm went off and took 5 minutes before he could see or hear anything. I laughed untill I wet myself and then I thanked the Lord that he's still alive.

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 07, 2001.

Boswell, is your son a product of incest or something? You need to talk to that boy about gun safety! It's a wonder he didn't shoot himself between the eyes! Backwoods people always did act kinda funny though.

-- (Jesussman@bonkkk.net), July 07, 2001.

Here's one that ain't funny at all. My neighbor's 18 year old son got shot in Spokane last nite cause of road rage. He took one above the eye and they took him off of life support this morning. Things happen that just don't make since. How can ya shoot somebody because they won't pull over or for some other stupid driving mistake?

-- Boswell (fundown@thefarm.net), July 07, 2001.

Boswell's not spinning a tale here. See this sad story at: http://www.spokesmanreview.com/news-story.asp?date=070701&ID=s988537
Drivers' dispute ends in shooting Victim in critical condition after north Spokane confrontation

Jonathan Brunt - Staff writer

Road rage erupted Friday afternoon in north Spokane, provoking a man to shoot another in the face at near point-blank range.

The victim was listed in critical condition Friday night. He was taken to Holy Family Hospital and later transported to another hospital.

The man who allegedly shot the victim was taken to a different hospital to treat a facial wound he received when the victim allegedly hit him in the face

Bowell - my sympathies to the family of the young man.

-- Johnny Canuck (j_canuck@hotmail.com), July 07, 2001.

Welcome to the jungle baby

-- (whatever@happened. to axl rose), July 07, 2001.

My sympathies, too, Boswell. I don't understand what possesses people. How sad.

-- (PatriciaS@lasvegas.com), July 07, 2001.