Do you second guess yourself? Are you doing it right now? What causes you to doubt your own judgment? Do you feel like you're doing the right thing?

What issues in your life are causing you the most worry right now? How do you approach feelings of self doubt? Do you approach the problem logically, sleep on it for a few days, or just go with your gut?

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Answers

I second guess myself all the time. I wrote about this a bit in a piece on The Imposter Complex. Basically the gist is that most of us think we're not good at what we do or we're not smart enough and somehow we slipped by and will be found out at any moment.

I'm always worried that I'm going to get reprimanded at my job for not working hard enough and spending too much time web surfing or doing email, but instead I'm told people are impressed with my hard work. I'm worried that I'll never find another job beause I'm not qualified to do anything, and I think about grad school now and then but I don't think I'd even get in, nevermind actually do well.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

I do it all the time. It's very frustrating too.

Right now I'm second guessing myself on buying a new car. I decided I could afford to spend $11k on a used car, and I had decided on one - then I started to change my mind. Oh what if that car isn't reliable, oh what if it breaks down all the time, oh maybe I should get a new car, oh I can't afford that much, oh god what about insurance?

So I have no idea what to do about the new car. It's not an urgent thing yet, thank god so I can mull it over for a while - but I know the more I think about it, the farther I get from a resolution.

And don't even ask about the new relationship - I'm very close to overanalyzing that to death. And I don't wanna do that.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

I'm second guessing myself so much this week and last I CANNOT make the decisions I need to make. I can't decide to do one thing or the other and be happy with the decision. I'm not happy with any decision I can make. Bleah!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Yes, I second guess myself. Particularly after parties thrown by an old professor involving lots of peers who've stayed in DC since graduation, risen up the ladder and are now driving Rovers with two kids in the back. (I took the loooooong road, by way of London, Guinea, Cape Town and Toronto, and I'm just now settling down). I have to constantly remind myself that (a) I wouldn't change anything I've done and (b) it's really never too late to do something new.

Now, for you Beth. I'll try to make this as brief and painless as possible (and no, I'm not trying to make up for telling you to be nice to your sister!...) You are a truly gifted writer. I'm not saying you should sell the farm and start writing books. But you do have a talent - I've drifted onto (into?) other journals and haven't yet found someone who articulates with the written word they way you do.

Of course none of this has anything to do with money, over-schduling and stress. All I'm trying to say is, in the arena of academia and language and all things read and written, you will do just fine.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

I second-guess everything.

No, wait. Maybe not everything, exactly, but most things... or... no, wait, maybe it is everything at that, or... hmm.

Seriously, my approach tends to be waiting until any given issue hits crisis point, then making a gut decision based on all the data I accumulated until that point. This is not an approach I advocate, but, well, it usually works for me. Unless two crises hit at once; you don't want to be in the area when that happens. Most of my efforts in this regard have been not to change the underlying behavior, but to find ways of staggering the crises so that they fit into my schedule nicely without coinciding.

But the second-guessing aspect of it... I'm stuck with that, and wouldn't really want to change it. It comes of being able to see the pros and cons of lots of options, I figure, which is not a wholly bad thing.

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2001

Here's a second-guess example for ya: I'm no longer an officer of or member of a club any more now. I didn't want to quit it in the first place- at all- and I still don't want to be out, even if things aren't necessarily going in a direction I like. But at first I felt like I was being ripped on unfairly by another officer, and later on when I told people the situation every last one of them told me to quit immediately, that deep down I really wanted to be out of the club, that this was ruining my life, etc. Now deep down I really don't feel like I want to be out of the club, but at this point given the unanimous LEAVE NOW votes I'm totally confused as to what I really feel and want. And by now it's too late to go back. I just wish I could feel happy about the decision, but I don't now.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2001