Apparently I've volunteered to man the PA system for my wife's school's summer fete this Saturday. It's in the middle of Durham, and there's a number of makems there (including Chris Makin's young 'un). So, lads and lasses, I want class suggestions for the public information bits and pieces e.g. "Will the owners of a chimpanze answering to the name of Peyter please collect him from the Stadium of Llllliiiight. Thank you"

You get the idea. Workable, usable and definitely wind-up :-)

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Answers

Annual Playtime

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Could Mrs Phillips please meet Mr Makin behind the art block.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Could all the Mackem Midfielders in the crowd please make their way to the running track for the six legged scuffling race?! Thank You.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Would all those under who have seen Sunderland beat Newcastle at Sunderland please join the queue for wheelchairs

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Would all those who have seen Sunderland play in Europe please ......

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

...please collect their pensions from stall 7

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Wheeeeeeezzzeee keeyyss are theysseee keeeeeyyzzzeee?

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

I might just occasionally hum a popular ditty... "Near the town -"

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

you could get yellow submarine played

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

An early trip to the record shop awaits!

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

I'm having nowt to do with this monkey business.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Apearring at a tent near you ...

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

...and don't forget to stop by the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey stall, with a guest appearance from Niall Quinn...

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

what about guess the weight of the pudding in the number 10 shirt

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

I could always spike the tombola with free SoS tickets

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

A gentleman from Hartlepool has lost a noose. Police are keen to interview a man/simian called Peyter regarding this matter.

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2001

Would the mother of young Michael Gray please make her way to the police tent ?

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Bobby you need a copy of Day dream believer n'all ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Bob Murray to the pink elephant stall please .

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Id like to remind everyone that the local football club has a free giveaway for all the losers in the tombola this afternoon .

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Oops forget that last entry didnt read the whole thread ! See what happens when you have a few beers at lunch . Your idea was better anyways Bobby :-))

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Perhaps you should show your maturity and not stoop to vitriolic mud- slinging in front of impressionable kids.

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Nah, I think I'll make fun of our rival team as I see fit, thanks for asking.

Don't be such a sanctimonious* makem get

*Also see self-righteous, pious, hollier-than-thou etc

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Not asking anything, just advising you on a course of action that may avert getting your head kicked in.

ML3

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Which, of course, would be mature, calm and a responsible thing to do in front of "impressionable kids".

I'm not stupid either. Give us some credit. Have you not picked up anything on your lurking time on here? We're not daft heed-the-baal twockers.

Hope you come along, then we can exchange mag / makem insults. Prize for the best one :-) Pint of Vaux beer...oops! Ok, better make it a bottle of broon

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Will the person worried about getting his head kicked in by impressionable kids please go to get his nappy changed

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Have you got a spare pair of Pampers, there Mac? Some of them are 11!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

How about, 'hey thats right kids keep supporting NUFC just like your fathers and grandfathers before hand. You must keep away from friendly strangers called Bob Murray who may entice you to a place in Sunderland called the stadium of light, with free tickets. This man is evil he wants to maim you for life. And you dont want to end up bombing the places were your mother and father drink, go shopping and watch football do you? If, so, YOU MUST KEEP AWAY FROM THIS MAN, AND CALL THE POLICE'

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

That might be a step beyond, TS ;-) Only just, mind

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2001

Oh ML3 i thought you were such a well adjusted open minded hackum too .. ah well just goes to show how much fun you can have at a school fete eh ? Bobby send us ower a few fairy cakes will ya , i might need them when trying to avoid getting me heed kicked in by all the hackums living in Sydney ;-)

-- Anonymous, June 28, 2001

You will be pleased to hear the day was a great success, with an excellent turnout and some quality announcements. Also glad to report that despite about 6 makems spotted (including the Fun Run winner...the race being taken a little too seriously by the makem lad), they were soundly outnumbered by at least 2-1 by the devotees of the one true faith.

However, I was concerned with the sight of more than 1 Man U top in Team Valley on Sunday...is there something I should know?

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2001