You know, I posted that its the forum owner's right to delete any and all messages they don't approve of. And the next thing I know one of y'all has electronically followed me home to forward me a copy of the offending post, with the obvious intent to tell me that it was an OK post that didn't need to be deleted.

You know what, its not whether or not *I* agree with those folks about the potential for trouble that that particular message held; it's the forum owner's decision, and their decision alone. Since its BEEN deleted it seems kind of fruitless - even counterproductive - for someone to be perpetuating it in private e-mail.

I don't care, really, what was in the deleted message; IT'S NOT MY OPINION THAT COUNTS. Which part of "the forum owner has the final and ONLY say in what gets published here" is not understandable?

E-mail is a very personal medium, and I have to admit I'm sensitive to the issue of having my e-mail address splattered all over a public forum like this so just any old body can "follow" me home. I've gotten quite a few letters from nuts over the years, and one or two actually threatening incidents. Forum owners, that may be a large part of the reason that some folks give you phony e-mail addresses - its an effort to protect their privacy. It's also an attempt to protect having your e-mail address harvested by spammers, who are notorious for skimming forums like this for e-mail addresses and then getting you on a plethora of spamming lists.

Like I said, due to past experience I'm sensitive to this issue, and I've been around for a long time on this forum without ever posting because of it. Frankly the only reason I've posted now is that my e-mail address is going to change soon and the address that has been made public will soon be defunct anyway. Y'all will probably never see me post again after it changes because that's the only way I can protect my privacy AND comply with the forum owner's request NOT to use a phony address.

So given I'm kind of sensitive to the issue I thought I'd ask - does anybody else feel like I do, that its poor etiquette to take a public argument private to a stranger that you don't know at all, FROM a stranger that you don't know at all, just because their e-mail address happens to be handy?

Friendly advice doesn't bother me, but carrying a disagreement off the forum doesn't strike me the same way somehow, especially when none of y'all know me from Adam anyway.

Is it just me, or have other people had some misgivings or problems with this sort of thing? And I'm wondering how many folks there are out there who feel like I do but won't break cover in order to protect their privacy ...

-- Sojourner (sojournr@missouri.org), June 23, 2001

Answers

I don't have the same viewpoint about my e-mail address. We have had the same address for four years and we will probably continue to have it for at least the next four years. Have I gotten angry e-mails privately? Yup. Do I care? Nope. The only thing that did bother me was when someone sent my e-mail address to sign up for porno sites and they keep having pop up windows open up as you are trying to delete them. I put those on my blocked e-mail address list now and they go directly to my deleted file. End of problem.

When I get ugly e-mails privately from people, I read it the first time and the second time their e-mail address gets added to my list of blocked e-mails. That way they go directly to the deleted file and I don't waste my time with people I don't intend to listen to.

E-mail to me is not the same as someone following me home in their car. They cannot hurt me through words and it is not likely they are ever going to track my street address to come find me. Besides, with eight great danes and a Vietnam Vet in the house, tracking me home would not be a pleasant experience for them.

-- Colleen (pyramidgreatdanes@erols.com), June 23, 2001.

If you take the time to read all the text at the top of the page before you post, you will see that it says, "If you are using a false e-mail address, please check the box to indicate you do not want to have replies forwarded directly to you. This makes it easier for everyone involved."

That means it *is* ok, just fine, no problem, to use a fake address; just check that box. I did that a while back, because I didn't want to possibly hurt someone's feelings in a certain situation. Anyone could do it for any reason.

I don't mean any offense to you, Sojourner; I just didn't want someone to read your post, take your word for it without checking the rules for themselves, and think it was in some way unsafe to post here. I think it's sad that someone might have advice to offer, or a question to ask, and not post because they think it can't be done privately.

-- Elizabeth in E TX (kimprice@peoplescom.net), June 23, 2001.

I'm afraid I don't have 8 Great Danes or a Vietnam Vet in the house (heck, I don't even have a house yet, I'm still building), and I'm not talking about the merely pissed off when I say "nuts". I mean people who seem to be mentally disturbed. That sort of e-mail has come mostly from survivalists who have come across my web site and seem to think, for whatever twisted reason, that I'm advertising for a "mate" (I think not). Still it has made me leery of ever having my e-mail address appear in a public forum like this. The other sort (people who want to argue) just annoys me.

Which doesn't really address the issue - I feel its rude for someone unknown to you, who doesn't even sign their e-mail, to take a public argument into private e-mail. If you don't agree that's your privilege. Everybody has a different level of comfort, and mine may be a little higher than usual due to some very far out there responses I've had in the past.

Not only that, I don't see the necessity or reason to try to perpetuate the deleted message via private e-mail - I certainly didn't ask to see it and I don't care what was in it. I see that as a very definite breech of list etiquette. It was totally unsolicited and to my mind is the sort of action that is intended to perpetuate the problem, not solve it.

Elizabeth, the few times I've started to post to this list its been in response to someone. You don't get that blurb you're talking about when you post a response. What you get is the following statement:

"Please don't use a fake email address; it creates a lot of technical problems for the community. For example, this software will send you an email alert if someone responds to your message and those alerts will bounce back to us if the address you type isn't valid"

This appears directly under the submit button on the response form. I never saw the other statement because I typically didn't have a new thread to start (but must admit I only skimmed it briefly when I finally DID post a new thread). But its the above statement that led me to believe I shouldn't post using a fake e-mail address.

Hey, just trying to play nice. :D But if they have given us an out I guess I'll take it from now on. But there is no "hey this is a fake" warning box to check on the response form - I wonder if using the fake address on a response will cause problems then? The statement seems to say it does. Maybe you can only use a fake address when you start a new thread?

-- Sojourner (sojournr@missouri.org), June 23, 2001.

Dear Sojourner,

I completely agree with you that it's rude to take a public argument into private e-mail. Of course, I think it's rude to argue in public period!

I've had it up to here with the "holy war" and feel it's primarily a waste of time on this forum. I want to know what people are having for dinner or the best barter deal they've done or how they first got into homesteading or a thousand other things. I sure hope we get back to being reasonable soon.

Wishing you enough.

-- Dianne in Mass (dianne.bone@usa.net), June 23, 2001.

Hi Sojourner, I see what you mean about responding to someone else's post. I guess *I* hadn't read all the small print LOL. I'm really sorry if I came across as holier-than-thou. And I did want to say I agree completely with you that deleting posts is the forum owner's decision and it's up to us to abide by the rules.

Brought down a notch and glad of it:)

-- Elizabeth in E TX (kimprice@peoplescom.net), June 24, 2001.

Geez, Elizabeth, I surely hope not! You didn't strike me as being condescending in the least - hope it didn't sound like I thought you needed to be "taken down a notch" either!

-- Sojourner (notime4@summer.spam), June 24, 2001.

Sojourner

can you e-mail me a copy of the post in question?

Thanks

-- rick K (rick_122@hotmail.com), June 24, 2001.

Rick - NO!

I'm not sure why you are asking. As I said, I don't feel its right to be perpetuating something the forum owners have already made a decision on. It's not my decision, and its not yours either. The decision has already been made, isn't (or shouldn't be) up for discussion by the peanut gallery, and should be let go by. I have NO interest in taking any part in perpetuating this dissension by passing this around! It is wrong and is in my opinion a clear violation of list etiquette to attempt to perpetuate it when it should be let die. I DID say that - several times - already.

Sorry. No way.

-- Sojourner (notime4@summer.spam), June 24, 2001.