As it is

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The tones they are a'changing "Changing the tone." "Bringing a new era of civility and respect to American politics." "Moving forward from past rancor to an era of unity and understanding."
Such are the stirring themes sounded by the good Christian president now "setting the tone" in Washington. George W. Bush hardly steps out of the White House without folding his hands in humble prayer, asking God to "bring us together."
But in this, as in so many other respects, Mr. Bush seems to have a unique understanding of the words he employs. Last week, for example, his respectful tone-changing White House unleashed a vociferous assault — including threats of physical violence — against the young mother who had the temerity to call the police when the president's daughters were having their illegal booze-up in an Austin restaurant last month.
Bush aides dropped heavy hints to the press that the restaurant's management included "liberals" out to "get" the president's offspring, The Washington Post reports. That was the signal to unleash the Republican attack dogs at FreeRepublic.com, the prominent right-wing hatesite that pounces hungrily on anyone the Bush clan identifies as an enemy.
Within hours of the White House spin shot, FreeRepublic was orchestrating an Internet assault on Mia Lawrence, the bar employee who called the police when Jenna Bush presented a patently fake ID. The "Freepers" posted Lawrence's address, date of birth, driver's license number, physical description — and information about her infant child, the American Political Journal reports. They also posted details from a personal bankruptcy claim that Lawrence filed earlier this year, including all the dish about her huge medical bills.
Freepers suggested that this info be used for "identity theft," running up massive debts in Lawrence's name. Also suggested was constant surveillance of Lawrence and her child. "Take pictures and post them on the Internet. Let her know that her picture is being posted. Make this chick paranoid," said one Bush supporter. Other helpful suggestions: "Go to the bar and pour drinks on her." "Pour acid all over the bar." "Phone police repeatedly to make phony reports of suspicious activities at her home." Others said conservatives should storm the restaurant and "set the place on fire while fully occupied."
By week's end, of course, it was revealed that the White House smear was, as usual, a lie: The owner of the restaurant was in fact a donor to the Republican Party. But no apologies were offered — and Lawrence's details were still whizzing through the ether, helpless prey to any spin-maddened madman with a modem. God help her.

Honk your horn if you're married

Fox in Charge of Henhouse, No. 895: President Bush has nominated Wade Horn to be assistant secretary for family support at the Department of Health and Human Services. There, Horn will hold sway over government policy on welfare, child-care, foster care and adoption. Horn brings a distinct — a cynic might say "biased" — perspective to these issues. As founder of the National Fatherhood Initiative, and columnist for cult leader Sun Myung Moon's plaything, The Washington Times, Horn has forcefully expressed his child-care philosophy for several years. Put simply (which is definitely how he puts it), his approach boils down to this: Daddy knows best, and single women are sluts.
Horn advocates cutting off poverty-stricken, single-parent families from public benefits — like housing, job training, and preschool programs — until all "two-parent" families are served. If there's not enough left to go around — tough, says Horn. We must get "serious about encouraging marriage, and, by extension, fatherhood."
It's vitally important, you see, because little girls raised by single mothers have "a tendency toward early and promiscuous sexual activity." And the little boys reared by such slatterns? It seems they have "an obsessive need to prove their masculinity" — hence, the rise in youth violence (which statistics show actually declined remarkably during the 1990s, but never mind.)
Armed with the full power of the state, Horn can continue his war for fatherhood — but fatherhood of the proper type. None of this namby-pamby "New Nurturing Father" stuff: "The New Nurturing Father was expected to change precisely one-half of all the diapers and to be as adept at fixing his baby's formula as he is at fixing a flat tire. This, of course, is nonsense," says Horn. Reports that assistant secretary Horn plans to post the personal details of all slutty single mothers on the Internet could not be confirmed at press time. But Freepers say they're ready whenever he gives the word.

Immigration's latest high tech tool, palm reading a

A Polish woman on a visit to relatives in Florida was kicked out of the United States last week because immigration officials thought her hands "looked too rough," the Miami Sun-Sentinel reports. Bozena Weglinski, 44, was denied entry into the United States at Miami International Airport after an immigration inspector found her dermis a bit too unlady-like for his delicate tastes. "He said it looked like she was coming here to work," said Weglinski's American cousin, Renata Sadej.
Weglinski was shoved into a backroom and interrogated for several hours to see if she was really one of those scummy East European loser types trying to sneak into the Promised Land, hoping to land the kind of plush job all those other illegal immigrants get — like scrubbing toilets and cleaning cat boxes for decent, God-fearing two-parent families and Bush Cabinet appointees.
It turns out that Weglinski actually owns a prosperous Warsaw plumbing business, but happens to suffer from a skin condition. Or at least that was her story. Immigration officials knew better — after all, why would God, who, as we all know, bestows wealth only on the worthy, smite one of his Blessed Elect with such an affliction? They deported Weglinski immediately — and just for good measure, they canceled the 10-year visitation visa she'd used to visit Chicago last year.
You can't be too careful these days. And anyway, who does she think she's fooling? Plumbing, in Warsaw? Everybody knows they just use straw in all those mud huts east of the Oder.



-- Cherri (jessam6@home.com), June 19, 2001

Answers

Well, I guess this answers everything - Cherri is a single mom "slut". What else explains the obsession with anything entitlement?

-- libs are idiots (moreinterpretation@ugly.com), June 19, 2001.

Hey Cherri if your a slut and a fat girl why not let us all fuck you? That would be cool to bend you over and have a nice pounding at that big fat ass baby!

-- If (hey@you.com), June 19, 2001.

you suck

-- (cin@cin.cin), June 19, 2001.

link?

-- (Paracelsus@Pb.Au), June 19, 2001.

I just cannot fathom the brilliant level of discourse from the Cherri antifans. The lucidity, the clarity, the thrilling rhetoric.

The "best" Americans will always be behind you, I hope you know that. You say Cherri sucks? I'll burn that into my skin as a tattoo.

Losers. The sad thing is, you don't even understand all the ways you've lost.

-- Bemused (and_amazed@you.people), June 19, 2001.



Cherri doesn't suck

the asshole sucks

or should i say bitch

-- (cin@cin.cin), June 20, 2001.


A search on Google and Ixquick yield no hits on "Bozena Weglinski" or "Renata Sade".

-- (GW@cherry.tree), June 20, 2001.

Oh yes, you are so lucid Cherri with your article - "Fathers Suck, Single Moms on Welfare Rock".

-- libs are idiots (moreinterpretation@ugly.com), June 20, 2001.

MEGO. My Eyes Glaze Over.

There might be something of value in the post, but it's hard to tell without formatting.

Remember what they teach in culinary institutes, Cherri. Presentation, presentation, presentation. Otherwise, you might not get good reviews or repeat business.

-- Already Done Happened (oh.yeah@it.did.com), June 21, 2001.


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