Yet another annulment question

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My fiance was married about 6 years ago in a non-denomonational church, though neither he nor his ex-wife has ever been baptized. The marriage lasted about one year, followed by a divorce (he asked for a civil anullment, but they did not qualify). I was raised Catholic, and still consider myself such, but do not practice regularly; still, a Catholic marriage is very importnat to me. When we first began contemplaing marriage, we met with a local Monsignor to begin the anullment process. After he submitted an application for us, we received several pages of questions regarding my fiance's relationship with his ex. Not only were the questions daunting, my fiance found them very offensive, and he strongly opposes involving his ex in any way.

When we met with the Monsignor, he explained to us that if either my fiance or his ex had been baptized Catholic, then the Church would not recognize the marriage, and we would only need to apply for a decree. However, I have since heard (not from an expert), that the Church also does not recognize a marriage between non-baptized people. Would this apply in our case, even though they were married in a non-denomonational church? What would be the best course of action for us to take? Another piece of information: my fiance and I live in the midwest, and I do not belong to a parish. We plan to wed in California, where we are from, though not in my famly's parish. Who would be the best person for me to contact?

Thanks in advance for any help! God Bless- Jen

-- Jen (jtkast@yahoo.com), June 11, 2001

Answers

Response to Yet another anullment question

Jmj

Hello, Jen.

I will try to respond to your concerns.

You wrote: "I have since heard (not from an expert), that the Church also does not recognize a marriage between non-baptized people."

Thanks for mentioning that this was not from an expert, because it is incorrect. Marriages between non-baptized people are "recognized" by the Catholic Church -- i.e., assumed to be valid -- until proved otherwise. If this were not so, the Church would be accused of insulting every Jewish, Moslem, Hindu, and Buddhist married couple. The person to whom you spoke must have misunderstood the fact that the Church calls marriages between non-baptized persons "natural" marriages, but not "sacramental" marriages. Being "natural" does not prevent these marriages from being valid.

So, in other words, the way that the monsignor was handling the situation was correct. Not being Catholic, your friend is free to decide to reject the Church's marriage laws that require that proper procedures be followed to obtain a decree of nullity. But if he exercises that freedom, you will not be free to marry him. If you then attempt marriage outside the Catholic Church, you will not be validly married in the eyes of God or the Church. So the best thing to do is to get back together with the monsignor and discuss your friend's difficulties very openly. The monsignor should be able to reassure your friend that the whole matter will be handled with great professionalism and total confidentiality -- with no private details divulged to anyone but the tribunal judges (and the bishop, if necessary).

Jen, you then wrote, "We plan to wed in California, where we are from, though not in my family's parish. Who would be the best person for me to contact?"

Let's assume the best -- that your friend has received a decree of nullity, leaving him free to marry you. If you wish to be married in a parish church where you are not a parishioner, you should contact the bishop of that California diocese to obtain permission. He will let you know about other prerequisites for being married in his diocese -- such as a pre-marriage class (or classes, or meetings with the priest who will witness your vows) that you must attend during the (usually) six months' preparatory period before the wedding.

Jen, being a Catholic is not something "cultural" or "habitual," but something in the nature of a commitment -- as is marriage. You say that "a Catholic marriage is very important to" you. Please tell the priest those same words, and mention to him that you do not practice Catholicism regularly. I'm sure that the priest will decide to counsel you about the serious necessity that you return to a regular practice of the Catholic faith.

St. James, pray for us. Our Lady of peace, pray for us.
God bless you.
John

-- (jgecik@desc.dla.mil), June 11, 2001.


Response to Yet another anullment question

John,

Thank you so much for your response. My question, then, is this: would the annulment process still be lengthy and require the questions for him and his ex? Or would it be, as the Monsignor called it, an "ATM annumlemnt," that decrees that the marriage was not sacramental (similar to the process when a Catholic is married outside of the Catholic Church)?

Another point of interest...at the time my fiance was married, he was adamant about not having children. During pre-marital counseling, his ex stated that she wanted children in the future. He said, "NO," and that was the end of the discussion. He has since had a change of heart, and he and I are planning to have a family. Would this be an issue for the Church in determining how his annulment is adressed?

Thanks again for your assistance, and thank you for your concern regarding my own faith. My reasons for not practicing are not because I am straying from the faith, but more because I do not want to be hypocritical in attending a church I am not comfortable in. There are certain aspects of the Church that I do not agree with, and I struggle constantly with these contradictions. The Catholicism that I grew up with sometimes seems worlds away from that which I have found near me now. But that's another issue for another thread... :-)

Thanks again, God Bless! Jen

-- Jen (jtkast@yahoo.com), June 11, 2001.


Response to Yet another anullment question

John answered very precisely. This is important because marriage issues are complicated and each case has it's own twists.

"My question, then, is this: would the annulment process still be lengthy and require the questions for him and his ex?"

Yes because we are not dealing with determining if the marriage is Sacramental but was it valid. That is a difficult process sometimes.

The issue of children could have an impact. My suggestion is to just answer the questions as clearly and truthfully as possible.

I will say that if you wish to be married in the Catholic Faith you should spend some time deeply reflecting on your relationship with the Catholic Church, The Mystical Body of Christ.

You said "I do not want to be hypocritical in attending a church I am not comfortable in. There are certain aspects of the Church that I do not agree with, and I struggle constantly with these contradictions." You need to be reconciled with the Catholic Church before you consider being married in the Catholic Church.

-- Br. Rich SFO (repsfo@prodigy.net), June 11, 2001.


Response to Yet another anullment question

Jen,

As the others have answered your questions regarding an annulment, I will leave it at that. But I too have concerns about your lack of fully embracing the Catholic Church and her teachings.

Why would a Catholic wedding be important to you if you are not comfortable with the Catholic teachings? You must be truly reconciled with the Catholic church (including Reconciliation) before being allowed to accept communion. So how would it look to be married in a Catholic Church and not to accept communion?

Sorry, but I can never understand why anyone who is not truly committed to a Catholic life would want a Catholic wedding.

-- Frank (anldfrd@aol.com), June 22, 2001.


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