engineer jokes

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Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When it is realized they don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive engineers insane?
A: Tie them to a chair, stand in front of them and fold up a road map the wrong way.

You might be an Engineer if:
* You take a cruise just so you can go on a personal tour of the ships' engine room.
* At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
* You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
* You sit backwards on Disney rides to see how they do the special effects.
* You see a good design and have to change it.
* You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
* You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
* You window shop at Radio Shack.
* Your laptop computer cost more than your car.
* Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

Comprehending Engineers,Take one.
Two male engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when this beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers, Take two.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers,Take three.
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke it doesn't have enough features yet.

Comprehending Engineers, Take four. An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" exclaimed the artist and architect.
"Yeah!" replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, so you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers, Take five.
A female engineer was crossing the road one day whena frog called out to her and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a handsome prince."
She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I'll stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, " If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a handsome prince, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a boyfriend. But a TALKING frog, now that's cool!"

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2001

Answers

An Engineer told me before he died
Ah rum-titty-bum-titty-bum-titty-bum
An Engineer told me before he died
(And I have no reason to belive he lied)
Ah rum-titty-bum-titty-bum-titty-bum
He once knew a woman
(TBC).................


-- Anonymous, June 10, 2001

Did Macbeth and I ever tell you we are both Chemical Engineers.

:-{|

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2001


Well that explains everything then!

Sorry Clarky - you did set yourself up a bit there. ;-)



-- Anonymous, June 10, 2001

apparently they do it on fluidised beds

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2001

hmmm. And I missing something here. In QLD engineers are known as the biggest party animals in town. If the Hilton or one of the big hotels want to re-do one of their ballrooms, they book one the Uni's engineering students in for an end of semester party. As undoubtly the place gets absolutely trashed and the hotel can claim the damage on insurance.

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2001


.... yes macbeth, but a hydrocyclone would separate the man from the boys!

-- Anonymous, June 11, 2001

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