Source: ananova
Published: Wednesday 6th June 2001
Livestock may be vaccinated against farting

A new anti-farting vaccine for sheep and cattle might cut down on Australia's greenhouse gas emissions.

It works by reducing the amount of gut organisms which produce methane during digestion.

Methane currently accounts for around 14% of Australia's greenhouse gases. Much of it has been put down to livestock.

Over the last three years a number of vaccines have been tested on sheep with a reduction in methane production of between 11 and 23%.

Experts at Australia's Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation now believe they have finalised the ingredients of the first commercial sheep fart vaccine.

They will now begin work on a vaccine for cattle, which contribute about 70% of Australia's total livestock methane.

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While I do believe that this report is hilarious at first glance one must also realize the danger behind it. Many do not realize that methane reduction from livestock was part of the Kyoto treaty that the envirofascists were trying to rope us as a nation into. If the Kyoto treaty gets picked back up by the US, guess who will be legally responsible for the cost of mandatory livestock fart shots?

-- William in Wi (gnarledmaw@lycos.com), June 06, 2001

Answers

William, Again, truth IS stranger than fiction. But while I'm sitting here this big dog behind me on the floor is blowin' farts that would put a Holstein to shame. Where do I get the "Fido's Anti-Flatuent Mix"? Think Wally World has it yet?

Seriously, what the hell are these people thinking? And why do fart brained ideas like that even get to see the light of day? Who the hell comes up w/ this stuff anyway? I can see it now - Fat Teddy Kennedy in front of the mics calling for a ban on Cow farts. "We musht reduche cow faartz for the children"! These folks are scary.

-- John in S. IN (jsmengel@hotmail.com), June 06, 2001.

Instead of eliminating the farts, harness them as a fuel alternative. Develop scrubbers to seperate it. Many folks are concerned about all causes of global warming without thinking that it may be a neccessary function same as winter and summer are both required for healthy crops. People that are concerned about this dying world quite often forget that as a living body it has a predefined lifespan that we dont know the length of. True the toxic actions of man do affect that body, but it may be only as a cold, virus or over indulgence. We may be contributing to poorer health of the planet, but not the terminal force some believe. A living body can function while having a cold. I think attention needs to be focused more on urban sprawl and other manmade problems, not a natural occurance such as farts. My wife does want to know when the vaccine is available so she can innoculate ME :>)

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), June 06, 2001.

Wonder if any of these scientists have considered what the vaccine does to the livestock? I would think the bacteria would be necessary for proper digestion of their food. If they cannot digest their food properly, will they eat more? Will they become thin and waste away, eating all the while? I do not understand why there is this constant compulsion to change what it natural.

-- Green (ratdogs10@yahoo.com), June 07, 2001.

Green, there you go thinking again! That always gets in the way of profits. We just want to get rid of that nasty odor and all the horrid warming that some people say is happening and other people deny is happening. I can't tell because I am in a completely different climate than the one I grew up in....it is most definitely warmer here!

-- Doreen (bisquit@here.com), June 07, 2001.

I think I have the answer people.

Announcing. . . the fart bag ! Available in color coordinated pocket packaging.

Does this happen to you: You are participating at a social function then . . . you know . . you just gotta cut loose. Instead of casually slipping away to an unoccupied space (or conversely to a large group of people), you can tell that unsufferable boor you are speaking to " Could you hold that thought for a minute, I must go now and cut one.

But how to dispose of the bag? Simple, tie off the mouth of the bag and let it float into the atmosphere. Well, maybe not, airplane jet engines could be smothered with bags flying into the intake, not a good thought. Talk about lethal gas.

Oh and another bad thing. We have all seen the ballons which were accidentally released in department stores like Wal-Mart or K-Mart. That is just what we need, more of those around.

O. K., nevermind

-- j.r. guerra (jrguerra@boultinghousesimpson.com), June 08, 2001.

Forget livestock!

This vaccine is *desperately* needed for everyone who rides elvators, works in small enclosed spaces, or rides public transport!

={(Oak)-

-- Live Oak (oneliveoak@yahoo.com), June 08, 2001.

J.R. quit talking 'bout my Ma! I'm the only one can call her that!

-- John in S. IN (jsmengel@hotmail.com), June 09, 2001.

I have a better solution: burn off the bovine methane emissions! Every cow should be fitted with a safety pilot light at its posterior which would ignite the methane gas upon expulsion, burning it off, and resulting in harmless byproducts.

-- Skip Walton (sundaycreek@gnrac.net), June 10, 2001.

I am now selling the patented "Daisy Picker". I based it on the safety pilot idea. The unit uses a small green laser to test for methane and ignites a quick, hot spark as needed. The unit should not be turned on indoors.

-- Ron (louzonr@yahoo.com), April 10, 2003.